Maki Kita means ‘curse us’ in Malay

From ‘Sushi chain Maki San apologises for making a mistake with name of National Day themed rolls’ 6 Aug 2017, article by Fabian Koh, ST

Puns can be creative and hilarious, but puns can also go so wrong. Local sushi chain Maki-San launched a special chicken char siew sushi roll for Singapore’s 52nd birthday, calling it the Maki Kita.

The name is a play on the lyrics of Singapore’s National Anthem, in which the first two words are “Mari kita”. In a Facebook post on Friday (Aug 4) afternoon, the chain explained that the name aimed to reflect “the cheeky and playful side” of the company, and means “Our sushi”.

Unfortunately for them, in Malay, while “kita” refers to “us” or “me”, “maki” means to curse or insult.

Thus, the name Maki Kita essentially means “Curse us”.

The sushi chain acknowledged the kerfuffle and announced in another Facebook post that night, just seven hours later, that it was changing the name to Harmony Maki.

If there’s any consolation, this is not the worst pun to pull off when it comes to promoting limited-edition culinary creations. In 2015, Breadtalk made a grave mistake with its commemorative LKY bun following his passing. While naming a pastry over a dead person was in poor taste, the Maki Kita appears to be an honest, but unfortunate, screw-up (Incidentally, Makikita also translates in Tagalog to ‘You’, though using that as a defence would probably backfire horribly as well).

Whether it’s getting hopelessly lost in translation or bastardising our food heritage, everyone seems to be jumping on the SG52 bandwagon, from pandan souffles to salted egg yolk panna cottas. Unlike McD’s Nasi Lemak Burger, there’s nothing distinctively ‘local’ about the renamed ‘Harmony Sushi’, unless we can claim ‘chicken char siew’ as a Singaporean delicacy (The other ingredients are egg, cucumber, fried shallots and coriander mayonnaise)

Tricky names aside, at least this brainchild of 4 Spectra secondary school students doesn’t strike one as an overdecorated, pompous travesty. Check out the ‘atas-trophe’ that is the ‘Satay’ : a ‘skewer of roasted Japanese eel, king prawn and squid served with a peanut-based sauce’ from French diner Saint Pierre.  Part of a $248 set that includes Nasi Lemak with goddamn King Crab, this is one luxurious starter that not all Singaporeans can afford. Or if you want something slightly less pricey, dig into Jamie’s Italian’s version of Chicken & Rice ($19.65).

Sometimes you just gotta call a risotto a risotto. And it’d rather have cucumber slices than some half-arsed broccoli. If you see any local delight corrupted by the word ‘infused’, take your money and run far, far away.

 

In the spirit of ‘maki kati’, I have a suggestion for a novelty dish that every Singaporean can enjoy. Fishball Meesua in Laksa broth. Or F.M.L.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Jetstar making inflight announcements in Singlish

From ‘Confirm plus chop: Jetstar to go Singlish for National Day’, 1 Aug 2016, article by Wong Pei Ting, Today

In-flight announcements on Jetstar Asia flights flying into Singapore will be made in Singlish on National Day this year, and this time it is not a prank.

So don’t be surprised if you hear the cabin crew saying “make sure your seatbelt kiap tight tight” or “cannot smoke anywhere hor”. The Singlish lines were first cracked as part of a joke on the eve of April Fool’s Day this year, but they will be used on flights following “an unprecedented number of requests from passengers and fans on social media”, the airline said on Monday (Aug 1).

…“Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking ah! Weather along the way is quite swee. But just to be safe, please kiap your seatbelt tight hor. Thank you and enjoy your flight,” it went.

Incidentally, the Singlish version of ‘fly aeroplane’ is completely different from the literal form. As a one-off publicity stunt, Singlish on a Plane is probably harmless, provided the captain doesn’t confuse passengers with ‘Eh siao liao, the left wing pecah already, very jialat leh!’ when disaster strikes. By then, the joke isn’t funny anymore. To foreign ears, the cutesy use of ‘kiap’ or forced ‘lahs’ may raise a smile or two, but to Singlish veterans, there comes a point when it just seems, for lack of a better word, “bo liao”.

If Jetstar keeps it restrained and limits the use of Singlish to non-essential communication, it’s unlikely that their reputation would go down the longkang.  Just don’t expect Singapore icon SIA to follow suit. Passengers have complained that flight attendants spouting Singlish were a disgrace to international travellers. Yes, our very own Singapore Girl is forbidden from speaking the local tongue, and was bred only to articulate with the same eloquence as our television newscasters, or befuddle passengers with a chapalang of fake Western accents that make Singlish more intelligible in comparison.

Speaking of whom, it would be fun to see our CNA anchors breaking into Singlish as part of the festivities. Just watching Cheryl Fox reading a story in Singlish for 3 minutes would be far more entertaining than the entire Red Lions-less National Day parade.

NDP video for cardboard, fun loving hipsters

From ‘Video for NDP theme song lacks inclusivity’, 22 June 2016, ST Forum

(Liew Kai Khiun): Although the music video for this year’s National Day Parade (NDP) theme song is made in a novel way, I am disappointed with its overall theme, which lacks purpose and inclusivity (“NDP theme song captures spirit of S’pore’s future“; Monday).

It gives the troubling impression of a Singapore of the future as a flimsy and boxed-in cardboard consumerist city-state, instead of a nation built upon real concrete and steel achievements, which characterised previous productions.

What I found more disturbing was the lack of representation and inclusivity in this production.

Although the featured band 53A has a multiracial make-up, and the performers are also multicultural, the actual footage focuses principally on lead vocalist Sara Wee. The rapidly shifting camera lens pays only passing reference to the rest of the cast, who are mainly young and able-bodied.

Over the years, there has been heightened consciousness about inclusivity in Singapore. We celebrate the achievements of female fighter pilots, scientists, Paralympians, as well as a female Speaker of Parliament.

With the elderly population growing, we are adjusting not just physical infrastructure, but also mindsets, so that seniors have a place in the Singapore of the future. Sadly, the music video for this year’s NDP theme song gives the impression that Singapore is only for the young and beautiful – defined narrowly as the cardboard, fun-loving hipster.

It is good to try out innovative artistic directions, and the production is certainly outstanding as a commercial music video. But as the video for an NDP theme song, it should encapsulate the social fabric and achievements of its citizenry, and be able to connect to the larger public in more intimate and memorable ways. One must not forget this more solemn purpose.

Another year, another complaint about an NDP song. The last time a pop-rock band tried their hand at NDP-composing (Electrico), the end product ‘What Do You See‘ was labelled as boring as Coldplay. To be fair, ‘Tomorrow Here Today’ is catchier than Dick Lee’s SG50 offering last year, though it’s clearly inspired by the rousing tracking-shot jamboree of Feist’s 1-2-3-4 only with recycled lyrics. Yes, it’s full of fun and spontaneity and if you feel oestracised by this video because you’re a grumpy introvert and shit at dancing, then that’s just too bad.

Without making any judgement of song quality, the complainant gives a scathing review of how the video is way too ‘hipster’ for his liking, and is clearly using classic propaganda fluff of the 80s and 90s as a benchmark. Videos like Count on Me Singapore and One People, One Nation, One Singapore have obligatory shots of our ‘steel and concrete’ achievements like new HDB blocks or a cruising MRT train to the tune of faceless singers. Not to mention goosebumps-inducing montages of families of different races hanging out against an unrealistic blank background with no context whatsoever. The NDP video has since evolved, from covert propaganda tool dead set on drilling multiracial harmony into your brains to something with more pop culture leanings, yet still struggling to keep up with the times. At least we try.

Screen Shot 2016-06-22 at 9.30.16 PM

The ‘cardboard’ reference is also taking things way too literally. What’s intended as a stylish prop is viewed as a metaphor for our ‘flimsiness’. It’s an NDP video, not contemporary art. I’m not going to watch it and go ‘Hmm, that stool floating in the air is a symbol of how we have become ‘unseated’ from our roots’. For every viewer who associates a shot of our MBS or our MRT network with progress there are others who’re given a sombre reminder of the raw wilderness that we’ve lost for the sake of dollars and cents instead.

But do we really need another video full of stereotypical ‘solemn purpose’? Does anyone still care about NDP songs anyway? Why can’t we have some sass for change, like this super non-inclusive video featuring 3 divas competing for everyone’s attention. By the way, hard to believe that this video is 17 DAMN YEARS OLD!

If Singaporeans need an annual reminder in the form of an all-inclusive NDP video to connect them to the ‘larger public in more intimate ways’, then it would be a pretty sad affair. For all the social media slugfests that we have to deal with, the occasional 1 minute video of ordinary Singaporeans helping each other out in situational crises is far more meaningful than a supercut of all the NDP videos in history lumped together, an audio-visual monstrosity best utilised in a cold interrogation chamber to dig info out of people who breach Cooling Off Day.

Besides, if you want to put in a token shot of old people doing taijiquan or a Paralympian blazing past the finish line, why stop there? You can’t call for catch-all inclusivity and cherry-pick Singaporeans from specific walks of life.  You need the good, the bad and the ugly to provide a complete ‘representation’ of society. Here’s a list of people noticeably absent from any NDP video, even if they’re as Singaporean as you and I. I’d be only too happy to be proven wrong.

  1. Cardboard collecting aunties
  2.  Cat-feeding aunties
  3.  Ah Bengs with tattoos/ex-convicts
  4.  Cross-dressers/LGBT
  5.  Opposition party members
  6.  Instagram Influencers
  7. Lawrence Khong
  8. Street artists
  9. Motorcycle gangs
  10. Actual hipsters

So if this year’s focus is on ‘the young and beautiful’, then so be it. Because that is exactly what Singapore is – a still young, beautiful nation. Next year, let’s have Uncle Sim leading the chorus shall we?

Uncle_Sim_s_So_simple_visit_to_7_Eleven

 

Majulah campaign a nationalistic propaganda tool

From ‘Majulah clip draws strong criticism..but praise too’, 21 Feb 2016, article by Joanna Seow, Sunday Times

The group of six behind a provocatively titled video about national identity was prepared for a worse reception than their efforts being labelled “propaganda”.

“The worst-case scenario for me was that no one would even care about the message we were trying to deliver,” said Mr Muhammad Hafiz, 27, the technical director for the We Are Majulah campaign.

But far from being ignored, the video titled I Will Not Die For Singapore has been shared more than 12,100 times on Facebook since its launch on Feb 15. In the first two days alone, it received 48,000 views, over half of which lasted the full length of the eight-minute clip, said 28-year-old Divian Nair, who fronted the video and is the campaign’s creative director.

…The strongest criticisms have been that the movement is a “nationalistic propaganda tool” that will harm society, said Mr Nair.

Don’t flatter yourself. The prospects of Majulah sparking a ‘nationalistic’ uprising are unfounded. Divian does sound sufficiently earnest in the video, but he is more man-on-the-street rah-rah-ing than a charismatic orator who could fire up Singaporeans into volunteering for the army for a greater cause. The melodramatic strings in the background  do little to drive the masses into a jingoistic frenzy. At most, it’s like listening to an orientation camp leader psyching up students before a game, or a volunteer on the street beseeching you to donate your bone marrow. Divian is no cult master demanding a blood sacrifice, though he would make an excellent counselor if you’ve had a bad day and need someone to give you a hug. Yes, take my bone marrow, sirs, but don’t make me sit through another minute of relentless heartstring-tugging. And yes, there’s a clip of LKY’s state funeral in there too.

‘We Are Majulah’ has good intentions, and the team automatically qualifies as a candidate for Singaporean(s) of the Year for their efforts, and may even give Dick Lee a run for the money for creative directorship of this year’s NDP.  But like all calls-to-arms, the effectiveness of the campaign lies not in the content of the message alone, but how it’s packaged and delivered. An 8-minute video with soppy strings would probably suffer the same fate as a heartfelt Mediacorp drama disguised as a Medishield Life ad. Majulah tries to be the Sovil Et Titus of ‘nationalistic’ videos; it has a decent leading man, the right mood, but it would take quite a bit of patience to sit through a humourless monologue without opening another tab to watch videos of cats jumping into random boxes.

I think the team would probably PREFER to be labelled as chest-thumping propaganda than judged to be, well, merely forgettable. Like a wedding video montage of some couple you barely knew in school and the only reason why you’re watching it is because it’s too dark to tuck into the starter dish. Majulah? More like ‘Meh-julah’. I was hoping the climax would deliver the answer to the first question posed in the video: WOULD DIVIAN, OR ANYONE IN WE ARE MAJULAH, DIE FOR SINGAPORE? But no answer came. If this teasing was intentional, it would be a real shitty cliffhanger for a probable second video, titled: ‘YES I WILL DIE FOR SINGAPORE, BUT…’.

In this Instagram age, you need to pander to the short attention-span economy, one that gives you their fullest attention for a full 5 seconds (the compulsory time that lapses before your cat video on Youtube). Something that isn’t just ‘viral’, but propels people into action beyond the click of the button. The ‘Ice Bucket Challenge’ or a LKY car decal comes to mind. Using terrorist scaremongering and horrific scenarios like a mob of martyrs jumping on top of a suicide bomber doesn’t work anymore. You also can’t just urge people to use ‘Majulah’ seriously in their conversations without tongue-in-cheek snarkiness like how people use ‘Hallelujah’ outside of Christmas. Majulah has none of the catchiness, inventiveness, even practical usefulness of, say, ‘Bo Jio’. You can’t ‘Majulah’ your neighbour without sounding like you’re hailing a Caesar. Or Fuhrer. It’s like a primary school music teacher beating your head with a baton prompting you to complete the lyric with ‘Singapura’ when you’re just learning how to sing the National Anthem.

This is how Majulah is already being used in our daily speech, other than being sung by schoolkids all over the country:

‘Hey bro, where’s your IPPT ah?’
‘Maju (camp), lah’.

If there’s any phrase that encapsulates the Singaporean can-do spirit, the attitude that we will endure whatever shitstorm that hits us, that we will live on in stoic forbearance in the face of things we cannot control, a term that speaks volumes about our perseverance and humility when the odds are against us, it would be ‘Liddat lor’, the equivalent of Game of Thrones’ ‘Valar Morghulis’, or All men must die. This, fellow Singaporeans, is the ‘glue’ that has bound us all along, from the years of war-torn hardship to today’s fight against invisible enemies, whether they be the tiniest of viruses or a ISIS fanboy in disguise. We may be a cynical, emotionless lot, but no one can deny our hardiness in the face of despair. The boy who made it out of NS in one piece. The cardboard-selling auntie. Those exiled abroad following defamation or sedition charges with a faint glimmer of hope to return. We take it all in our stride, little by little ‘onward’, without the need for hollow slogans or self-made patriots with the naivete to change a country’s psyche to keep us going.

When you lost your job to a foreigner and your friends ask you how’s the job hunt going. Liddat lor.

When your kid barely passed PSLE and you wasted thousands on enrichment programs. Liddat lor.

When the MRT fares are raised again and your pay is still shit because economic downturn. Liddat lor.

And despite the MRT fare raise, the train still breaks down in between Yio Chu Kang and Kranji and you have no choice but to walk on the tracks and take selfies along the way. Liddat lor.

liddat1

In times of genuine disappointment and rejection, you can even accentuate it with an ‘Aiya’.

When you missed out on the Toto lucky draw top prize by a single digit. ‘AIYA. Liddat lor’.

When your favorite fishball noodle stall runs out of fishballs after you’ve been queuing for an hour. ‘AIYA. Liddat lor’.

An effective, stable society is run not just by an exceptional minority taking purposeful action, punching above their own weight and Majulah-ing, but a greater majority with the resilience to stomach difficult times without storming the palace fists raised and guns ablazing.   So, Keep Calm and #Liddat Lor, Singapore.

Fun pack items a waste of money

From ‘Fun packs should be useful to all’, 9 March 2015, Voices, Today

(Goh Kian Huat): This year’s National Day Parade (NDP) is set to be a big affair as Singapore celebrates its golden jubilee. About 1.2 million households are set to receive a free fun pack, so they can join in the celebrations even if they are not at the event itself (“Mega-NDP across Marina Bay area to draw 150,000”; March 6)

To ensure the fun packs are useful to households, some of the items should be different from the ones given out to those attending the parade. For example, things such as face paint, handheld fans, clappers, banners and plastic raincoats are useful only to those who are at the parade. Organisers should consider substituting these items with more useful ones for households, or souvenirs for keeping.

Also, organisers should ensure fun pack items can be recycled or reused as far as possible out of consideration for the environment. For example, the bag for the fun packs can be designed in such a way that students can reuse it as a school bag.

In addition, to avoid duplication of resources, households that manage to secure tickets to attend the parade should not be given a second fun pack. Organisers should find a way of identifying them.

The total cost of the celebrations is expected to be around S$40 million, twice that of previous NDPs. Let us ensure that the resources are put to good use.

Full of fun

Full of fun

This is a nice way of saying that the fun pack and its contents are pretty useless. Even if those at the parade took these out to play, they’re mostly junked once the fireworks have fizzled. 1.2 million households, 10 million dollars. The Fun Pack Song even has the self-prophesying lyric: Attack the Fun Pack,  and the attacks have been relentless. When the government sends a bag of freebies to our doorstep, we either complain that it’s ugly or an utter waste of money, and that we’d rather receive a SG50 hongbao with $10 cold hard cash inside. Such ingrates. Such Singaporeans.

If there’s one thing the SG50 committee hasn’t learned about the Singaporean psyche, it’s that they did not make us QUEUE for the damn thing. Sending the funpack straight to our homes makes it far less desirable than when we’re putting in time and effort to join long, overnight queues to grab ‘limited edition’ goodie bags, like how we drag ourselves out of bed at 4am in the morning to camp outside McDonalds for free Egg McMuffins. Likewise, if you had pitched the funpack such that there are only ‘1 million available’ and forced Singaporeans to fight tooth and nail over it, you would have more people posting their catch on Facebook and showing them off like trophies rather than grumbling about the practicality of banners and clappers. Even if it looks so god-awful that your kid would rather wear your dusty army fullpack to school than be seen slinging a funpack over his shoulder.

But look closer at the spread above and you’ll find oodles of charm and usefulness in every item. The chapteh, for instance, can be used to spice up your bedroom tickle parties in place of a kinky peacock feather if you’re not the sporty type. Face paint can be used as zombie makeup this Halloween, or for your next cosplay event. The ‘commemorative’ publications like the jubilee book can add some zesty patriotic colour to the top of your coffee table. Singapore flag erasers come in super handy when you’re down by the lake in Chinese Garden pencil-sketching pagodas and cranes. And who doesn’t love NEWWATER? This wonderful elixir is the e-pee-tome of our self-sufficiency.

Still, the SG50 folks could have done better with the selection, and should have consulted Singaporeans like how they made us vote for the Jubilee Baby package, bearing in mind that not everyone will be up on their feet dancing on National Day. Some will be doing shift work making sure convenience stores and hospitals are still manned by humans. Others will be worrying about getting food on the table for their next meal. And there are the buggers flying off somewhere for holidays who can’t be bothered about this SG50 overkill.

Here’s my wishlist for a future DREAMpack. I just hope we don’t have to wait until SG100 for this.

1. N95 mask
2. Pre-paid Ezy-link card
3. Hello Kitty Merlion edition
4. A mini rotan
5. Special edition Chope tissue pack
6. An LKY doll with knuckledusters
7. A toy replica of the boat that they used on the set of ‘The Awakening’
8. A toy replica of an ERP gantry
9. A lego diorama of the Istana, with lego Tony Tan.
10. A map of Singapore. 100 years ago.

SG50 song As One written by a non-Singaporean

From ‘Lawrence Wong clarifies issue of song supposedly rejected by SG50’, 7 March 2015, article in asiaone

Ministers Lawrence Wong and Tan Chuan-Jin have praised an original song written for the SG50 celebrations and uploaded onto YouTube. Titled ‘As One‘, the song was uploaded by Sophie’s World Productions in January. B oth Ministers praised the song in separate Facebook posts. Mr Wong said the song was “was very well-done and inspiring”, while Mr Tan said that it was ” a very nice song”.

The Ministers also said they had received feedback that the song had been rejected as an official SG50 song because it was not written by a Singaporean. Minister for Culture, Community and Youth Lawrence Wong said that he was initially puzzled by this and asked ministry staff to check on what happened. In his post, Mr Wong clarified that the song was submitted to MediaCorp, which held its own song competition with its own rules. “But competition aside, there’s really no limitation on who can contribute songs or other materials for SG50,” he said.

If asked to name one all-time classic National Day song, most Singaporeans are likely to say ‘Stand Up for Singapore’, ‘Count On Me Singapore, ‘Home’ or  ‘We Are Singapore’. Of the 4, 3 were actually written by Canadian Hugh Harrison. And those are the ones with ‘Singapore’ in their titles. The most forgettable one in the history of NDP songs, in my opinion, was performed by Singapore Idol himself Hady Mirza, called ‘Shine for Singapore’. Hady Who? Some, like ‘One Singapore‘ are memorable for all the wrong reasons.

‘As One’ definitely belongs in the top 3 for the Gift of Song competition. It surpasses most of the recent NDP efforts, including ‘In a Heartbeat’ and ‘Love at first Light’, if you even recall what those are. But let’s look at the official finalists of the competition:

1) We Are Stars

This is a slow, soppy ballad with the self-congratulatory chorus:

We are stars
We are golden
We are comets in our skies.

This is probably the first time I’ve heard someone use ‘comet’ in any patriotic song. Like comets, a great song comes our way once every few hundred years. It also has the lyric ‘We are diamonds in the sky’. So which is it, are we gold or are we diamonds in the sky? Hady’s effort, if there’s any consolation, sounds like Hey Jude compared to this far-from-stellar snooze-fest. If this were a ‘gift’, it’d be the equivalent of an ugly Christmas sweater. Knit with love, but received with a painful grimace. Next.

2) These Are the Days

The chorus: These are the days, to breathe and feel.

Is there ANY day that we DON’T breathe and feel? This has an annoying, repetitive weepy riff and a whiny crescendo. Am I the only one who finds this entry, awash with pandering strings, grating and trying too hard to sound like a national anthem? Despite the arrangement, it doesn’t make me feel things, and I lost all interest when Farisha sang ‘Spread my wings and fly’. Better Midler’s Wing Beneath My Wings was clearly an inspiration. Incidentally, for this SG50 contest, 9 submissions were from prison inmates.  Maybe they didn’t make the cut because of one too many ‘spread my wings and fly’.

3) Being Here

One word: Coldplay. The lyrics are safe, it’s upbeat, no cringe-worthy metaphors and the writers, Ciao Turtle, have the greatest band name in the history of local bands. This wins my vote, though it’s still far from the cheesy infectiousness of Harrison’s greatest hits. I’d like to see them do normal pop songs, though. Or consider forming a supergroup called Ciao Turtle and Ah Boys to Men.

Despite the common theme among all these songs being how happy and proud we all are to stay in this country, it’s obvious that no matter how catchy they are, they fail miserably as propaganda tools, given that the number of Singaporeans moving abroad has been increasing over the years, 212,000 to be precise. This excluding of course, those banished from the country for ‘political crimes’. Indeed, quite a number of us are ‘stars’. In the sense that they’re so very far away.

Police investigating toppled Singapore flags

From ‘Singapore flags felled in Ang Mo Kio’, 10 Aug 2014, article in Today.

An act of mischief ruined National Day decorations at an HDB estate in Ang Mo Kio Avenue 3 today (Aug 10).

Town council workers had put up Singapore flags in the build-up to the celebrations. On Sunday morning, it was discovered that several flags had been felled. Police officers were seen clearing up the damage when our reporter got to the scene at about 2pm. Town council workers were also seen putting up new flags. They said the flag poles were broken but there was no damage to the flags.

Flag down

Flag down

Oh dear God, there’s a flagpole chopper on the loose! Quick apprehend the vandals before more Singapore flags are felled. Our 49th birthday post-NDP celebrations depend on it! This foul deed is as despicable as someone peeing all over our Cenotaph, or decapitating Sir Stamford Raffles’ statue, dammit.

Since we’re doing the policing and stuff, we should also round up anyone who has the audacity to allow the Singapore flag to touch the filthy ground. Like the perpetrators behind this brutal act of flag dumping below, leaving a sad pile of bleeding flag corpses, innards wrenched and spilled, outside a disgusting rubbish chute. I can’t get this ghastly image out of my head. The horror!

BASTARDS!

Even the hand-held flags are not spared. Look at how these two innocent flags are tossed among random filth near a lift. It’s as heartbreaking as seeing children lying broken and lifeless in a corner after a gangrape. I don’t want to live on this earth anymore.

DAMN MURDERERS!

How dare you also allow the flag to stand on a grass patch and lean against some bushes? Would you make Jesus stand on broken glass? This is so, so cruel.

TORTURERS!

What about bringing Li Jiawei to justice? At the Beijing Olympics representing Singapore she, the FLAGBEARER, was spotted dragging the flag all over the ground. WHERE IS SHE NOW (back home in China probably)? Get Interpol on the case for Christ’s sake!

NOOOOOOOOOO!

And don’t think that if you’re a celebrated playwright you could get away with flag assault. In Cook a Pot of Curry, a Wild Rice play, the producers allowed the flag to be dropped on stage while the actors were singing the National Anthem. This is INHUMANE. It’s like dropping a baby from a height sufficient to not just paralyse for life, but KILL. Curse you Arts people! Someone should send the cops down to your houses to search for flagpole-destroying parangs, axes or chainsaws!

It is truly an unspeakable crime, and I will remember this 49th National Day as the day someone hacked my country, my dreams, my home, down to the ground. God Save Singapore.