Yishun residents building wall of cacti

From ‘Yishun residents build wall to keep out nuisance neighbour’, 27 May 2017, article by Tiffany Fumiko Tay, ST

Residents at a Yishun Housing Board flat said they are at their wits’ end after being harassed by a neighbour for over a year, with one family going as far as to build a “wall” barbed with cacti on the common corridor for protection.

…The Lee family, who live in an four-room corner unit and were the ones who erected the wall, said that the barrier was a last resort for them after having had to deal with the difficult neighbour since last December.

They come home nearly every day to find an oil-like substance reeking of urine splashed across their door and along the corridor.

…Balls of toilet paper and used sanitary pads have also been found outside their flat and on their bicycle chained outside. The culprit, they said, lives on the floor below them with her daughter.

Before erecting cacti, the enterprising Lee patriarch, in true kampong spirit, designed a barricade made of durian shells. This is the way to go if ever need to fend off a shitty neighbour, pesky salesmen or a visit from the MP and lack barb wire. Even a champion Spartan racer can’t clear this obstacle. Screw mediation and CCTVs. Hurray for innovation.

Contrast this defence strategy with this lame excuse of a barricade. My 4 year nephew could surmount this in a tricycle.

Among all the bizarre warfare tactics used by HDB dwellers, this episode of planting gross sanitary pads and splashing urine ranks among the top. It’s curious how some Singaporeans would go to great lengths to collect their own excrement and weaponise them. They would defend a medieval fortress perfectly. Imagine scaling up a wall to attack a castle and getting pummelled with a storm of urine bags, sanitary pads, smelly durian shells and hot braised duck sauce. We should round these vandals up and send them on covert missions to demoralise the enemy in their base camps now, instead of wasting time and effort trying to reconcile differences, kiss and make up.

Here are other ways of being an asshole neighbour from hell than would put all loansharks to shame:

  1. Corroding their metal gates with salt, throwing braised meat sauce
  2. Throwing human faeces at doors
  3. Tossing eggs at the family car
  4. Cutting bicycle chains, stealing flowerpots

Still, the most annoying acts often come from people who don’t even live the same block as you. Yes, anonymous spam-flyer distributor, I’m talking to you. I’m taking a page off the Yishun Art of War and lining my gate with pointy objects.


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