Kites can disfigure your face

From ‘西海岸公园跑步阿嫂险遭风筝’毁容’, 26 March 2011, article in omy.sg (LHWB)

…西海岸公园地方宽阔,靠近海边,风力强大,吸引不少风筝发烧友到这里放风筝,造成处处暗藏陷阱. 经常到公园跑步的詹女士(60多岁)申诉,锋利的风筝线有如隐形杀手,有几次她就差点被迎面而来,或是悬挂在树上的风筝线割到脸,幸好她及时闪开。

“她说:“每次跑步时,都要留意四周有没有风筝线出现,别小看这细细的一条线,被割到后果不堪设想。”

I did a Google translate on the above text, and came up with the following, which proves that artificial intelligence does have a sense of humour after all.

West Coast Park, where the wide, close to the sea, wind power has attracted many kite enthusiasts fly kites here, resulting in hidden traps everywhere.  Often running to the park, Ms. Chan (60 years old) complaint, sharp like a stealth killer kite line, there are times she was almost approaching, or hung in a tree cut kite line to the face, but fortunately her time flash open.

Somehow, getting your  ‘time flashed open’ sounds like a more severe injury than getting face-flossed by a stray kite string. Of course no one’s underplaying such freak accidents, with kite facial mutilations registering a pain scale far beyond that of an already excruciating office paper cut, and somewhere in the range of getting your inner cheek caught by a flailing fishhook. The complainant does it make sound, though, like kites are a sentient evil which deliberately lay their lines tautly like ‘stealth killers’ between trees to trip unsuspecting joggers, or worse sever their nasal septums with such malign force that facial reconstructive surgery is called for.

Further risk assessments are in order to determine how dangerous kites really are, compared to say, gliding roller bladers, cobwebs,  fogging, or red ants jumping off trees and landing on your head. I mean, even the glare of the morning sun could be a hazard if it momentarily blinds you to an incoming oblivious cyclist, and most joggers get by their usual routine, evil kites notwithstanding, without any significant trauma beyond mild irritation. It’s the occasional near-misses judged by frantic aunties to be as terrifying as a plunging guillotine blade barely skimming the nose that threaten to pressure the relevant authorities into laying down regulations for kite flying, when the far easier task is to tell joggers to keep their eyes open or go run the track or treadmill instead if they can’t keep their kite phobia in check. Unless our hospitals start reporting a marked increase in people in jogging attire admitted looking like some amateur surgeon extended their smiles with a blunt scalpel, or kite enthusiasts start lining their strings with diamond dust,  only then shall we consider adding kites to our repertoire of weird banned things, chewing gum included.

 

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