Bible apps don’t come with hugs

From ‘Faith at your fingertips’, 7 Feb 2011, article by Yen Feng, ST Home

…Over the past year, faith-based smartphone applications – or apps – have emerged as the latest worship tools for people on the go.

(Pia Yan Beng Sin, buddhist minister): …Mobile phones are not conducive to the kind of ‘refined thinking’ needed for religious study. The attention-diverting nature of phones – SMS alerts, for example – may prevent followers from fully engaging in quiet meditation. You can’t answer the questions of life with just a few lines – you need knowledge – but you also need wisdom…On a smartphone there is no structure, no discipline, no assessment to know how much you’ve learnt. It is a mutitasking tool – good for religious people with busy lifestyles, but it is not a perfect replacement.

(Mrs Tan): …The apps are useful but unlikely to replace the real thing – going to church and praying with other Christians…The hugs – that’s what I miss most when I’m away (on weekends). I don’t think there’s an app for that. Is there?

 

No place like Om

Having a pocket bible or Quran in the form of an iPhone app is probably a nifty idea, not just for Christians and Muslims who need some discreet daily inspiration while on the train without being labelled as fanatics by people who associate the Good books with electric chairs and kamikaze airplanes, but also useful at cocktail parties where people trade quirky Judgement Day trivia like which passage in the bible has the most people slain by the hand of God. Not sure what ‘refined thinking’ means, if there’s any ‘thinking’ in the usual sense involved in meditation at all. In the first place, deeply religious people would refrain from downloading such apps,  or even own a smartphone at all, preferring instead the tranquility of a remote enclave relying only on the natural ebb and flow of their bodies to empty their mental recycle bins. So these apps, specifically those paid ones, are really intended for people with an already piqued interest in religion, and want to sample some ‘Religion Lite’ before embarking on serious study. They’re not surrogates for the real emotional rush of religious ecstasy that can only be experienced alone in rags under a Bodhi tree or with a whole bunch of whirly-eyed, teary congregates who  channel lost languages that our ancestors probably spoke while they were straddling the evolutionary gap between chimpanzee and Neanderthal.

Still, it’s interesting how Buddhists and Christians differ in what they deem optimal environments for religious experience. The former involves some form of tutelage, regime and personal training, even some suffering along the way. Christians like Mrs Tan above, on the other hand, go to church for hugs and other touchy-feelies typical of any charismatic flock, which is sort of irrelevant here as the apps were never designed to deliver something so viscerally warm and fuzzy as a group hug Teletubby style, but merely to deliver bitesize nuggets of info like where to find the nearest synagogue, or play hip hop praise songs that go ‘Jesus is in the House, yo!’.  So yeah, Buddha would never have attained Nirvana if he had an iPhone (He would have been too busy playing Angry Birds) and Jesus would never walk on water (in fear of getting his iPhone wet), and if we were ever to invent technology to elicit any form of physical affection be it a hug or a handshake, we would be applying them first to apps along the lines of boob wobblers. We are not merely creatures of habit, but of technology as well, and really, there’s no point fighting something that will permeate everything we hold sacred in life, be it sex, marriage, religion, or burning hell notes for dead people.

About these ads

Wobble boobs on iPhone

From ‘家长投诉:iPhone情色软件任下载’ 1 Oct 2010, article in omy.sg (Sin Ming Daily)

家庭主妇陈女士昨天致电《新明日报》说,她日前浏览iphone所提供的免费程序时,赫然发现里面有不少免费软件和性爱有关。

这包括3D立体做爱姿势游戏、性爱大全,还有“亚洲乳房”、“豪乳”和“大学生乳房”,让人摇动手机,就能看到女郎乳房摇晃。

陈女士说,虽然程序被下载之前,会发出只限17岁以上人士的提醒,但要过关也是易如反掌。她说:“如今不少青少年都拥有iphone。我的14岁儿子就有一架,我担心他会在好奇心的驱使下,下载这些色情程序。”

iPhone apps killed the porn video star

Translation: A mother complains about her 14 year old son downloading porno iPhone apps, whch include 3D Kamasutra apps, and numerous boobie apps where one can make boobs wobble just by shaking the iphone.

Silly mum, probably persuaded to get the iPhone for her kid because he told her he needs a handy organiser to download his school timetable, or so that he won’t get lost when he goes boyscout camping, or so that he can send coordinates of his whereabouts via Facebook or Twitter. Well, perks of technology aside, you can’t keep out porn no matter how many filters you install on your OS. No one can stop you for downloading lewd stuff, but you do it at your own risk, knowing jolly well that unlike the security of saving your favourite bookmarks and vids in ‘sub-to-the-power-of-n ‘ folders on your home desktop, having portable porn at the flick of a wrist on your iPhone is like walking around a fertilizer factory with a lighter in your pocket. Perhaps Phillip Yeo was right when he stated bluntly that the iPhone is for dummies, for it seems that for every second that people spend using the calculator, currency converter, or God forbid, read the latest news in the world today, at least 10 seconds are wasted on apps that exploit the tactile, empowering, God-like  telekinetic concept of making things of all imaginable dimensions (from boobs to angry birds to clouds) move just by twitching their fingers. With such easy access to porn, why would heartland kids need to pay money and sneak into R21 movies, when they can shake to their heart’s content in toilet cubicles after school?

iPhone for dummies

From ‘Philip in a flap over ‘dummies’ remark’, 13 May 2010, article in Fit to Post website

Apple fans are furious about his  (Philip Yeo, SPRING chairman) claims that people who buy applications for Apple products are “gullible customers” and that they were wasting their money on “all sorts of useless applications”.

Mr. Yeo made the comments last week when he was the guest speaker at the Fullerton-St. Joseph’s institution leadership.

“I always tell my daughter, make products and services to sell to the dummies”, he added.

He may not be totally off the mark, if you’re talking about apps that burn virtual Hell notes. Otherwise, our egotistical humanity and insistence that our intellect is still intact is blinding us to the ugly truth of technology gradually dumbing everyone down, where we no longer rely on human contact or our innate sense of direction to do mundane things like finding the nearest ATM. All successful businesses bank on some level of idiocy, in fact Wikipedia thrives on it.  Yes we are gullible, but in the land of the App store, there is no room for people with phones which still have, gasp, buttons,and actually talk with them. The man had something less smart to say about Singaporean male scholars though (whining, immature wimps) (New Paper, May 8 2005)


Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 296 other followers