Policewoman-biting undergrad on probation

From ‘Probation for undergrad who punched, bit, head-butted cops’, 9 June 2012, article in asiaone.com

The undergraduate who attacked four police officers after having too much to drink has been sentenced to 15 months of probation and ordered to perform 100 hours of community service. Natasha Wan Xue Wen, 24, pleaded guilty to using criminal force and abusive words on public servants, and behaving in disorderly manner. Wan is also required to stay at home from 11pm to 6am during her probation period. Her parents signed a $5,000 bond to ensure her good behaviour

….At about 4am on October 26 last year, two policemen saw a bouncer escorting Wan, her boyfriend Lim Zhao Ming, and another man out of Zouk. Mr Lim had a cut, and bloodstains on his shirt. The two officers asked if he had been assaulted, and if he needed medical treatment. Mr Lim shouted at the policemen, and Wan suddenly punched an officer in the face and began hurling vulgarities.

When two female police officers arrived to arrest Wan, she put up a struggle. On the way to the police station, Wan head-butted one of the female officers and bit the other on the wrist and hand. The officer who was bitten had to be warded in hospital for six days and given 13 days’ medical leave.

Other than slapping a mandatory curfew on Natasha, someone should consider making her wear a Hannibal Lecter iron face mask during the day as well. From the way she put a cop in hospital for 6 days with a single bite, it’s either this woman has razor-sharp werewolf fangs, rabies, or is a bloodthirsty immortal bride of Dracula. There are also inconsistencies in how stay-home hours are determined. Previous offenders have a 10 to 6 shut-out. That includes a cross dresser flasher doctor.  Natasha got a 1 hour discount for busting up a couple of cops. What gives?

The punishment dealt for sinking your teeth into public servant could be as lenient as a $500 FINE  in the past, although the law says voluntarily causing hurt may get you jailed up to SEVEN years, fined, caned or any combination of these punishments. In this case, Natasha was merely dealt a compulsory early bedtime, this in consideration that she not only tried to eat someone’s finger but HEAD-BUTTED another officer too. Contrast this with what happened in 1999, when a woman was sentenced to 4 MONTHS JAIL and fined $1000 for biting a female officer (Woman jailed for biting policewoman, 6 Aug 1999, ST). Perhaps the judge took her inebriated state into consideration, though one wonders what Natasha would have gotten if she had literally ‘bit off more than she could chew’ in her drunken kicking and screaming state, for instance the victim perished due to some unknown bloodborne contagion, if not a fatal blow to the head. Or if she had run over a cop in her stupor.

No body part of a cop is safe from gnashing teeth, be it  the shoulder elbow  or thigh. Even a policewoman’s BREAST has been made a quick snack of before (Man who bit cop’s breast claims mistrial, 8 Nov 2006, ST).  In 2007, a ‘rowdy mom’ helped herself to a policeman’s CHEST (Rowdy mum fined for biting cop, 11 Oct 2007, ST). If you’re a known HIV-carrier, the charge for voluntarily causing hurt could be amended to ‘attempted murder’ if you bit an officer (Man who allegedly bit cop is a HIV-carrier, 23 July 1994, ST).Though it’s unlikely that this woman carries a transmissible, lethal virus in her saliva, there are other mental disorders to plead just to get a lighter sentence for putting police officers in hospital. Just ask Alex Ong for advice. Except that with a probation she doesn’t need one anymore.

 

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My grandfather road vandalised

From ‘My grandfather road vandal arrested’, 4 June 2012, article in asiaone.com

Police have arrested a 25-year-old woman who is believed to have vandalised several roads in Singapore. Between May 17 to 21 this year, the Land Transport Authority (LTA) saw that the words “MY GRANDFATHER ROAD” were painted along Robinson Road and Maxwell Road and reported the matter to the Police.

It also reported that circular stickers printed with captions were pasted on a pavement around Lau Pa Sat and on a road traffic sign along Robinson Road. The female suspect was arrested at her residence in the eastern part of Singapore on June 3. The officers also found several paint-stained stencils and several pieces of stickers printed with captions. These items were seized for investigation.

Investigation is ongoing. The police are also working with LTA on earlier reports of round stickers found affixed on other pedestrian crossings at various places.

The case is classified as Vandalism under Section 3 of the Vandalism Act, Chapter 341. A person who is convicted for the offence shall be punished with a fine not exceeding $2,000 or to imprisonment for a term not exceeding to 3 years and shall be liable to caning subjected to the Criminal Procedure Code 2010.

Sins of the Grandfather

Spray painting a road may land you 3 YEARS in jail and a severe beating, but knocking over someone while drunk driving and splattering someone’s BLOOD all over the road gives you a miserable SIX months sentence, or a fine between $1000 and $5000. So, the police have spent the past month tracking down someone placing stickers on pedestrian crossing buttons, while elsewhere cyclists and joggers are being mowed down by maniac drivers.  Instead of monitoring speedsters, they’re keeping their eyes peeled for sticker vandals, who do nothing more than kill pedestrians’ time, not kill THEM unlike some nuisance drivers we know.

The colloquialism ‘My grandfather’s road’ has been used since the eighties, often used to describe motorists taking their own sweet time on the roads, or road-hoggers. In this case, the phrase could also double up as a visual protest against people who think they ‘own the road’ so they could streak about in the early wee hours in their Ferraris. Just a couple of days back, the ST ran a piece on these mystery ‘Press until Shiok’ stickers, that these  antics were ‘to the amusement’ of Singaporeans, with some speculating that it could be a smart ‘guerilla marketing’ campaign. One interviewee remarked that this shows ‘the vibrant culture of Singapore and a let-your-hair-down attitude’. More like ‘let-your-pants-down for a whipping’ attitude. It almost sounded light hearted and did not end in the typically admonishing ‘Anyone with information on the culprit are to report to the police immediately’.  Next thing you know, the one putting a smile on people’s faces with catchy slogans and making Singapore ‘hip’ again is being hauled to court for vandalising public property. Well thanks a lot, Straits Jinx. Don’t ever attempt to act cool again.

The ‘grandfather road’ vandal brings to mind the ‘white elephant’ incident at Buangkok MRT, where cut outs were put up to mock the two-year delay in the opening of Buangkok MRT station. It remains unknown as to who was ultimately responsible for this ‘outdoor protest’, though it was reported that a ‘veteran grassroots leader’ was behind it and his identity remains protected till this day.  The blatant symbolism seemed to prick the conscience of the authorities that they forgot about the elephant displays being vandalism at all. Instead the police had to investigate if there had been any breach of the ‘Public Entertainments and Meetings Act’. Which means if you’re sticking it to the authorities though a piece of art, you’re ‘protesting’ without a permit. If you’re just trying to be funny with some stencils and stickers, you’re a menace to society.

A couple of years back, the Speak Good English campaign embarked on their own spate of state endorsed ‘vandalism’, putting ugly sticky notes on lampposts and hawker centre tables to instruct people on on speaking properly. So if it’s for a ‘good cause’ and you have a permit, marring the urban landscape is OK, but not if you’re a street artist inspired by the ‘functional’ landscape graffiti of Banksy. With an actual sense of humour. You can’t even walk around with a piece of chalk these days without a cop telling you to stay away from roads and buildings, as if you were in possession of a stick of dynamite instead.

Postcript: Fast turning out to be a anti-establishment cult heroine, ‘Sticker Lady’ is actually Samantha Lo, artist and founder of online magazine RCGNTN. Her Pinterest is still available for viewing, where she appears to have a special interest in typography. Also see the rest of her ‘Press’ series (Tumblr disabled), including ‘Anyhow Press Police Catch’, ‘Press for Nirvana’ and ‘Everything Also Press’. OK I made the last one up.

Then there’s the question of whether My Grandfather Road is considered ‘art’ at all. According to a ST Forum writer and SOTA student Darshini Ramiah (Suspect art has no value, 9 June 2012, ST Forum):

While the works are humorous, parodying Singaporean culture and Singlish, they seem to have no value whatsoever. Furthermore, the removal of the ‘art’ from public property involved spending money, time and effort.

While the suspect’s intentions may have been light-hearted, she appears to have had no consideration for the impact that her work may have caused. Art should serve to enhance and better a community. But the suspect’s work seems to be nothing more than a tongue-in-cheek attempt to garner public attention.

The writer fails to mention what is considered ‘proper’ art and how this makes a community ‘better’, using vague words like ‘value’ and ‘enhance’ without explaining why art MATTERS. Value, like art, is subjective and in order to argue if what Sticker Lady did has any ‘value’ in the very mundane sense of dollars and cents, consider if anyone will purchase any of her sticker creations after her conviction (It would probably sell like Hello Kitty plush toys). In terms of more abstract ‘value’, her ‘tongue-in-cheek’ humour may have made someone’s day, or made people conscious of their furious but useless pedestrian button pressing, i.e altered someone’s behavior, at least temporarily.  In contrast, an almost blank piece of canvas may be clamoured to death as a timeless masterpiece, but if it leaves a viewer nonchalant and deemed as mere wall filler, how does it ‘enhance’ the community, despite being extremely ‘valuable’? Does ‘Brother Cane’ and its pubic hair snipping have any ‘value’? When Josef Ng broke the law (for public indecency) staging the act, like how Samantha Lo committed an offence (defacing public property), does it mean that the original Brother Cane wasn’t art?

Sticker Lady was eventually charged with mischief in late March 2013, in which the maximum penalty is one year’s jail and a fine. It was revealed that one of Lo’s creations was labelled ‘So Kancheong For What’. Though it was placed near a pedestrian crossing, I wonder if she was really referring to the government asking us to have more babies.

Teacher ‘don’t want to see your face’

From ‘Verbal abuse’ by teacher: Dad files police report’, 10 May 2012, article by Stacey Chia, ST

AN UPSET parent, learning that a teacher had used hurtful words on his daughter in class, has filed a police report for verbal abuse. Mr Mohamed Ariffin, 53, said that his seven-year-old daughter, who goes to New Town Primary School in Tanglin Halt Road, told him that her teacher said to her: ‘I don’t want to see your face.’

Mr Ariffin made the police report last week. The school and teacher have both apologised for the incident….Mr Ariffin, who is unemployed, said he learnt about the matter when his child was reluctant to go to school last week. His wife, Madam Norhayati Hashim, 43, a quality control surveyor, said: ‘She was always not very keen on going to school, and I used to wonder why she would ask me every morning if she had lessons with that teacher.’

Their daughter, who is in Primary 1, said: ‘The teacher banged my table and told me that she did not want to see my face after I told her that I did not know how to do a question.’ When told about what happened, Mr Ariffin first made a police report and then went to the school to speak with Madam Ng and the teacher involved.

I’ve written enough about teachers verbally ‘abusing’ pupils in a previous post (You’ve got the cheek to tell me this!) and how even ‘shut up’ has become as degrading as ‘son of a whore’. If you’ve ever experienced the police  delaying search for your missing pet goldfish, this is probably one of the reasons why. This sets a ridiculous precedent of teachers succumbing to emotional blackmail by their students, via overprotective parents who might as well march into the classroom with a chopper. Now you can come up with any woolly excuse in the world for not doing your homework as long as you know who to call when your teacher starts ‘verbally abusing’ you. Forget counsellors, fart cushions or car-scratching,  if you want to exact revenge on a cranky teacher, the neighbourhood police will be there to assist. The crooks, thieves, paedophiles, gangsters, kidnappers can all wait. Someone’s ego is at stake and the fate of one’s education as we know it depends on someone soothing it with a hapless apology.

Thanks to the likes of Ariffin here who’s taking up more of the police’s time than necessary and turning law enforcers into nannies from a child protection agency, you’d have to wait in line behind angry parents at the police post even if you need to report your neighbour’s crazy rotweiller for gnawing your bloody toes off. If some madman is out there spreading anthrax dust, too bad, there’s a foul-mouthed teacher on the loose! Oh think of the children! Yes,  Dad-who-called-police-for-no-damned-reason, no one from New Town Primary School wants to see your face either.

Drunk Gurkhas attacking ex-cop at Clarke Quay

From ‘Ex-policeman beaten up by off-duty Gurkhas’, 7 April 2012, article in insing.com

A former policeman was allegedly beaten up by nine off-duty Gurkha police officers at Clarke Quay last Sunday. According to Shin Min Daily News, Mr Rama, 38, a logistics manager and ex-police officer, had gone with four friends for a drink at a nightspot in the area last Saturday evening.

When the group left the establishment at about 3am, they encountered a large group of nine men outside who appeared to be drunk, Mr Rama’s wife told reporters. The men instantly took an interest in Mr Rama’s female friends, and tried to flirt with them.

But Mr Rama and his friends did not take the harassment well and warned the men to back off. Things quickly turned sour between the two groups, whom were both intoxicated. The two parties were about to go their separate ways when one of the nine men made a rude gesture with his middle finger to the other group.

According to Mr Rama’s wife, nobody knew who threw the first punch in the ensuing brawl, but it left Mr Rama bleeding from his brain and comatose in the intensive care unit for three days. She added that he is now able to speak a few words but will be hospitalised for a period of time.

The police have verified this incident and confirmed that the nine men involved were junior Gurkha police officers. All nine have since been suspended while under investigations and one of them has been charged with causing grievous hurt.

The Gurkhas were among the first ‘foreign talents’ here, established in 1949 to safeguard key installations and renown for their fierce loyalty, courage, willingness to die and prowess with a curved blade known as the kukri. Branded as merciless jungle warriors, Gurkhas were last unleashed into battle against Malayan communists in the fifties. Today, they’ve taken on more passive, underwhelming roles like embassy and prison guards. Their competence in such nanny roles was questioned when a lapse in supervision by a couple of Gurkhas at Whitley Detention led to Mas Selamat’s toilet escape. Elsewhere in the world, Gurkhas are beating off gangs of Taliban with machine gun TRIPODS. These are men born to FIGHT, and what they’re made to do here is like tossing a lion a ball of yarn to play with, or putting a Viking on board to Star Cruises liner.

Much bloodcurdling fable and hearsay surround the rugged, fearless Gurkha, that their kukri must ‘taste blood’ once it’s removed from its sheath,  that it’s sharp enough to ‘lop off an oxen’s head’ in one fell swoop, that the community organises blood rituals such as the buffalo-slaying Jai Durga, that they are ‘smiling killers’ who will slit your throat before you can even blink. Their motto was said to be ‘It’s better to die than be a coward’, the kind of kamikaze valor and romantic machismo you would only find these days in B-grade action flicks, where one can imagine the Gurkha as the berserking warrior who, even with a sword protruding out of his bloody chest, would slay the nearest enemy with the tip of its blade before dying.  Gurkha babies probably knew how to strangle a boar before learning how to suckle. While Singaporean kids are swiping iPads with their fingers, Gurkha kids are using theirs to poke venomous cobras in the eyes.

The true Universal Soldier

According to the SPF website, Gurkhas appear to be a breed of super-soldier selected for their ‘physical and mental robustness, resourcefulness and an uncomplaining dependability’. ‘Robustness’ comes across as an understatement in the light of the Gurkha’s tribal mystique as dedicated killing machines. So how much of this Spartan-like fortitude still rings true today? Has the once throat-slitting kukri been relegated to a tool for prying open durians and coconuts? Can a Gurkha in Singapore still fend off a gang of teenage rioters armed with parangs? Has the lack of field clobbering made the force soft? How relevant is a mountain warrior in the flat concrete jungle that is Singapore? Earlier this year it took FOUR off-duty Gurkhas to subdue a bear-hugging molester, which, if the legendary might of the Gurkha is to be believed, would be the equivalent of a human pile of 10 wimpy Singaporean men, though the culprit wasn’t exactly the Incredible Hulk to begin with.

So where else to channel one’s genetic lust for blood than through senseless brawls? In 1986, More than a 100 Gurkhas were sacked by the British Army after a tent fight in Hawaii.  A bar brawl involving 15 Gurkhas in 2001, Belize, led to the death of a teenager. Here in 2008, a scuffle among Gurkha ranks over pay matters was reported in Mount Vernon, which called into question this so-called ‘uncomplaining dependability’. Incidentally, the last reported case of a drunk Gurkha attacking people was in 1949, the very year that the contingent was set up. These are isolated incidents of course, and the Gurkhas still inspire awe, if not for their proud ancestry  and contributions to home security then their terrifying mastery with kukri. A Gurkha can gut  Jabba the Hutt with a few simple twists of the wrist.  Singaporean men can’t knock mangoes off a tree with a catapult  if their lives depended on it.

Cosplay Chapel party scandalous to the Church

From ‘Chapel party at Chijmes called off’, 3 April 2012, article in asiaone.com

A controversial party to be held at Chijmes this Saturday has been called off.

…The party, which was to be held on Black Saturday, had raised eyebrows due to the provocative images used to promote it. In one image, two young women were dressed in skimpy nun-like habits. While habits normally cover the whole leg, the outfits the women wore were shorter than mid-thigh length.

It was posted on the Facebook page, with the caption “A sneak peek at what some of our girls will be wearing on the 7th of April.” The page also featured an event poster, with a woman also dressed in a habit-like outfit.

In an earlier my paper report, Archbishop Nicholas Chia of the Catholic Church in Singapore said that the event “is scandalous to the Church” and that “such events should not be held in a chapel”.

Chijmes, which was established in 1854, was previously the Convent of the Holy Infant Jesus before a $100-million restoration project transformed it into a lifestyle destination in 1996.

According to the my paper report, Creative Insurgence’s director, Mr Aaghir Yadav, said they had taken down the images and apologised to the Catholic church.

He also said the women in the photos are friends of his in cosplay costumes. He denied that there was any religious symbolism in the photos. Mr Yadav also claimed that the party was named because of its location, Chijmes.

Chijmes’ management, however, has said that it strongly disapproves events held there that are ‘illegal and immoral in nature and/or disrespectful of religions, faiths and races’.

Cover art for Lady Gaga's next album

Blasphemy aside, cosplaying as a nun is almost as fun as dressing up as your school principal. Didn’t these theme party organisers learn from the related CHIJ school crest outrage some months back? Giving the excuse that there was no intended ‘religious symbolism’ in wearing a habit with thighs exposed is like putting on a Manchester United jersey and saying you’re ‘not really a fan of EPL’. Portraying a convent or nunnery as a sleazy boudoir where habits are fetishised to schoolgirl panty proportions is the stuff of porn, not a ‘costume party’. I’m no expert in cosplay, but I thought this meme was the realm of mythical, video game and manga characters, not mimicking St Teresa of Avila in various states of ecstasy. Today, you could go to any cosplay party dressed as an Indian chief and not be laughed at because fans are too young to remember the Village People. Well, I do.

The original Cosplayers

Yet, despite CHIJMES’ firm stance against such kinky sacrilege, the management has no qualms about sexy maid costumes at the COSAFE cafe currently residing in the ex-convent’s premises as we speak. Perhaps if the ‘Chapel party’ opted for lacy aprons and phallic, tickly pink feather-dusters instead of abusing religious attire they wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place. And it looks far sexier than an undersized habit too.

Maid to order

Profane parties aside, depictions of nuns in pop culture have gotten diehard Catholics’ robes in a twist. In her music video for Alejandro, Lady Gaga wore a habit and little else, including what appears to be a red inverted cross near her crotch. They still play the song on radio, by the way.

Nun this way

Gaga was clearly inspired by Madonna, who started the ball rolling with ‘church erotica’ in her Like A Prayer video, where divine rapture was confused with a very earthly, dirty emotion that most of us who don’t wear habits or crucifixes are more familiar with: Desire. Mixing such elements have stirred controversy in films since the fifties, where nuns were depicted doing anything other than praying or staying celibate. A common theme was girls being submitted to the convent against their will, or joining for other awful reasons that have nothing to do with God; In ‘The Nun’s Story‘, Audrey Hepburn dons the habit after a failed love affair but changes her mind later, which prompted church leaders to condemn the film for depicting religious life as being ‘too gloomy’ (Whoopi Goldberg’s Sister Act and of course, the Sound of Music, would suggest the exact opposite).

In  La Religeuse (1966), a film based on a Denis Diderot novel, a nun was seduced by her Mother Superior and raped by a monk. 2003′s the Magdalene Sisters featured women forced into sisterhood by their parents for  ‘immoral’ behaviour.  God-fearing parents criticised the release of the 1985 film Agnes of God, which was accused of promoting violence, lesbianism and incest when it was mainly about a nun mysteriously giving birth. In 2006, 3 Needles was screened here on World Aids Day, a film about a desperate nun exchanging sex for favours to protect South Africans. In Spy Hard, comic legend Leslie Nielsen cross-dresses as a nun and peeks under habits to find lacy pantyhose. He also knocks out gun-totting Sisters in the clip below.

One can cite countless references, both tongue-in-cheek and sinister, of convent culture. But thanks to a self-righteous horde of Facebook-bred vigilantes, we have  somehow gotten the POLICE involved, when they  really should be out there catching thieves, murderers and gangsters instead of clamping down on mini-skirt habits and heretical orgies.  Our cops are supposed to handcuff violent criminals and solve crimes, not go round thumping sinners with biblical verse like the Inquisition. At this rate, I wonder if a police report would be made if men go to a ‘Temple Party’ dressed as topless hunk-monks, or women to a ‘Mosque party’ dressed as belly-dancing Princess Jasmines.

Temasek Revealed’s Hoax NSF death

From ‘Blog post on NSF’s death a hoax’, 29 Jan 2012, article by Jessica Lim, Sunday Times

The Defence Ministry (Mindef) has refuted as a hoax a blog post claiming that a full-time national serviceman (NSF) was shot dead last Friday during a live-firing exercise. The post appeared that evening on a blog which calls itself Temasek Revealed. It said the incident took place that morning.

The post then appeared on a Facebook page called Temasek Review early yesterday. It said a 19-year-old Singapore Armed Forces serviceman had been shot in the right eye by a stray bullet in the Sembawang area and that he died on the spot. Neither the blog, nor the Temasek Review Facebook page, is associated with the sociopolitical website Temasek Review Emeritus (TRE), which was originally known as Temasek Review.

By noon yesterday, the post had gone viral on forums such as Hardwarezone, and on other blogs and social networking sites. Temasek Revealed first appeared shortly after the original Temasek Review website went offline in September last year. The latter has since returned as TRE. An opposition candidate in last year’s general election, Mr Alex Tan, had said on his Facebook page that the Temasek Revealed blog was published by him.

The ‘Temasek’ brand, though initially created to stimulate political awareness and insider ‘journalism’, has generated enough clones to diminish its credibility as a source of reliable information. The irony of this all is that the original Temasek Review had copyright issues with Temasek Holdings’ Annual Report by the same name, and now has to face the dilution of identity by its namesake ‘sociopolitical’ bastard-child blogs. This is exactly the reason why PM Lee was concerned about the net becoming a free-for-all cowboy town, with a clueless sheriff and dozens of imposter Billy the Kids running amok. Secrecy, something which even the national paper is prone to keeping, in the form of withholding actual names to allow for verification is one reason why people succumb to sensational stories.  The fact that an anonymous death  report was sent by an anonymous relative via anonymous post/email, to a blog with an anonymous author, fails to prevent a piece of delicious tabloid tripe from spreading like wildfire.

Content matters, of course. A hoax has to be believable but not mundane enough to be ignored. If I were to plant a random forum with ‘Famous actress spotted with two guys at a bar!’, nobody would bat an eyelid. If, however, I change a single word to ‘Famous actress spotted lap-dancing two guys in a bar!’, now that’s news, but it can only work if people have a rough idea of which slutty celebrity this might be i.e you need a background history, or reputation. As for the NSF death case, there are three background facts: One, accidents like these CAN happen. Two: Specific accidents in the army HAVE happened in the past. Three: The SAF has a reputation of safety to maintain. Taken together, our natural human tendency is to develop sufficient interest in this to talk about it, whether we ultimately believe it to be true or not. Offline, it’s called gossip. Social media merely multiplies that effect, and by replicating itself through a wider network of busybodies than face-to-face chatter, things are bound to get skewed, and screwed, out of proportion.

Nothing captures attention like a hoax death, whether it involves evil dictators or singer/actors like Jon Bon Jovi and the classic ‘Paul McCartney is dead’ meme. Often these are the result of pranksters with no malicious intent to slurry the reputation of their targets other than send some gullible fans into premature mourning, since such rumours are easily dispelled. A phantom report of death from NS, however, seems designed not just to sensationalise, but specifically to get the ants in MINDEF’s pants. But you don’t even need the Internet to start the ball of ballyhoo rolling. In the past you could simply typewrite a letter, lodge it with the police and then proceed to rub your hands in glee.

In 1958, a spate of hoaxing got the media and affected targets in a frenzy, one involving the murder of a ‘poor girl’ by a gang. In the same year, Government Pensioner Mr A Khandiah of Cumberland Lane was ‘killed’ 5 times by hoaxers, before perishing FOR REAL after a botched operation, a cruel twist to the ‘Boy who cried Wolf’ perhaps.  On some occasions you may even bypass the media and telephone the undertaker straightaway impersonating as an Inspector, if you want to pull a really sick joke on a fellow naval officer.

So, how much distress has this fakery caused that the poster, or publisher, warrants a punishment? If the hoaxer had said ‘A military personnel has died’, people with loved ones in the army may worry a little. Saying ‘A 19-year old NS man has died during live-firing’ narrows the chances of the deceased being someone you know, but intensifies the tension. The most punishing hoax of all is one that falls  midway between being uselessly vague (Someone in the army has died) and the full reveal (Corporal So-and-so, 19 years old, in So-and-so Unit, was killed). In this instance, grisly details about how the bullet busted an eye socket and penetrated a skull was relayed, which sounds convincing until you realise how anyone can cite forensic evidence with such confidence just by watching CSI on cable.  Whatever the consequences, it’s not just the hoaxer/publisher who suffers ill-repute in this case. Such incidents give the authorities further justification for clamping down on bloggers because we’re not showing that we can be mature, discerning adults. By posting frivolous nonsense to generate publicity, this NS hoaxer is either shooting himself in the foot,  has a childish grudge against the army, or is an anti-tech ultra-conservative who wants to put an end to social media freedom forever.

Postscript: A 19-year-old youth has since been arrested for the offence of transmitting a false or fabricated message under Sec 45(b) of the Telecommunications Act, Cap 323. The Temasek Revealed site has also since disappeared without a trace, but like the proverbial hydra with its head cut off, another ‘Temasek Times’ has spawned, run by anonymous ‘freelance’ bloggers agan. Wonder if this site would be confused with TJC’s student newsletter Temasek Times instead. Be creative, people.

SCDF and CNB chiefs seriously misconducting themselves

From ‘SCDF and CNG chiefs under CPIB probe’, 24 Jan 2012, article by Satish Cheney, insing.com

Singapore Civil Defence Force (SCDF) Commissioner Peter Lim and Central Narcotics Bureau (CNB) director, Ng Boon Gay are among eight officers being investigated by the Corrupt Practices Investigation Bureau, reported Lianhe Wanbao.

The report said Lim had been suspended for nearly a month while Ng has been questioned by CPIB officers. Six other SCDF officials including two high ranking ones are allegedly being investigated as well.

The Chinese daily reported that sources said the case is “linked to money and women.

In a statement to the media, the Home Affairs ministry said both Lim and Ng are helping the CPIB with investigations into alleged “serious personal misconduct.”…Both Lim, 51, and Ng, 45, are Public Service Commission (PSC) scholars.

What is corruption without money and/or women, or rather SEX? An expected topple in the global corruption ranking aside (we’re currently fifth cleanest in the world), giving in to temptation while on public service duty is almost exclusively a male trait. Just last year a couple of SLA directors bought themselves fancy cars after embezzling millions. Barely a few weeks ago, a senior technical officer from NEA was jailed for accepting contractor bribes. But one organisation seems to fall prey rather readily to the pleasures of the flesh, in particular drug-addict flesh.

In 2008, a round of sex with a drug offender after her urine test landed CNB officer Phua Jun Yang with a sexual favours charge, breaching the Official Secrets Act while claiming his supervisee as his ‘girlfriend’. Similar cases of leniency in exchange for sex occurred in 1994 (CNB man helped drug user in exchange for sex, 9 May 1994, ST), and 2004 (Sexual favours from girls land CNB man in jail, 4 Sept 2004, ST).  Sex is also a bribe offered to ICA officers by China women caught for overstaying, but that’s another story altogether.

It turns out that a female IT exec from an American multinational company and some business with tenders were involved, and both men have admitted to having had ‘close working’ and ‘improper’ relations with the same woman. At some point you’d have to call a spade a spade and use uncomfortable terms like ‘sex, tryst, affair, mistress’. Sleaze avoidance is futile, no matter how high ranking the culprits are. The Chinese media managed to get a trashy lead on who this mystery woman might be; a 40-ish divorcee with kids who goes round flirting with men, wears low-cut tight clothing, and goes by the Hokkien nickname of ‘水查某 ‘, or ‘swee cha bor’, a come-hither compliment more befitting of KTV hostesses than IT execs. She later became a ‘36 year old’ beauty, now with a husband and believed to have had actual SEX with both men. Before you know it she could be young enough to pass off as their daughters.

I also managed to dig up an unfortunate photo of Ng Boon Gay with a huge paycheck at the recent CNB 40th anniversary held late last year.

The above event, part of a community outreach by CNB to family members affected by incarcerated drug offenders, was also the source of the following soundbite, probably the last you’ll ever hear of Ng in the capacity of a CNB director:

This donation drive shows that while CNB officers are entrusted with the task of enforcing Singapore’s zero tolerance against drug abuse, we empathise and understand the need to extend a helping hand to the families affected by their incarceration so that they can continue with their lives.

We also happen to have zero tolerance against corruption. Check out Peter Lim also holding a big cheque, and being presented with an award by Vivian Balakrishnan in this SCDF newsletter. Our current Minister of Environment once sang the praises of accused ex-MP Choo Wei Khiang as well. But wait, everyone’s so obsessed with the sex bits that perhaps there might not be any money being pocketed after all. People stumbling onto this blog have searched for smut like ‘ng boon gay sex video’ and ‘who is IT exec mystery woman’. In fact, you could start a blog with the tags scdf, cnb, ng boon gay, IT exec, sex and you could have 50 hits in a day at least.

Of course, the majority of CNB officers are honest-to-goodness workers and should be commended for preventing Singapore from turning into a Grand Theft Auto Vice City. They don’t have it easy, being exposed in their line of work to the dual temptations of drugs and sex, the latter a commodity that drug users are desperate enough to trade for under-reporting, if not free drugs. Under-reporting, incidentally, was what happened when the ‘Subutex effect’ was used to explain away miscalculations of drug arrests since 2008, presumably due to a ‘change of IT systems’. The error was uncovered when Ng Boon Gay was in charge last year. In fact, even for this case, both men were arrested at least 2 weeks before the news broke during CNY, which led to a Today writer lamenting about high salaries and how this was hushed from the public.

Whatever the outcome of this, it appears that our country with its whitewashed, hard-nosed rules and regulations is no longer as ‘clean’ as it was once thought to be, both literally and figuratively. It does, however, mean that the CPIB is doing a respectable job, and if it’s in fact capable of ferreting out white-collar felons whatever rank they are, then enforcement should be a better deterrent to temptation than an obscene paycheck.

Postscript(June 2012): Turns out that it was both SEX and MONEY involved. Peter Lim was the first to get charged to 10 counts of corruption, involved with 3 rather high-ranking women (directors, senior managers) , engaging in a range of ‘sexually gratifying’ activities, including a fling in a Paris hotel with Lee, as ‘freebies’ in exchange for tenders. It probably explains the many versions of the original ‘IT exec’. All except one party are married, and as much as one finds such tabloid filth entertaining, and disapprove of how the secret currency of sex has undermined the highest level of professionalism (and salaries) in both public service and the private sector, some thought should be spared for the families devastated by this incident.

The media seems to be preparing everyone for disappointment with its gratuitous portrayal of the 3 women. Here’s a sampling and their inspirations.

70′s seductresses

Dragonball

K-pop

Just a week later, Ng Boon Gay was hauled up to be charged for accepting sex for favours. The ‘It’ Girl of the moment turns out to be  a certain Cecilia Sue Siew Nang, whose description seems to fit the ‘swee zhabor’ angle of the Chinese media almost half a year ago. Her name was also tossed about in random forums in late Jan 2012, garnering more search hits than ‘book reunion dinner for CNY’. Which means the gossip-mongers were RIGHT (the name at least), though 9 out of 10 times wild rumours are grossly wrong. Ng plead NOT guilty while his wife continues to support him, the latter getting the least attention from the media, but ultimately the worst off of the three.

Bentley driver smashing windscreen with bare hands

From ‘Bentley driver in road rage incident is RBS exec’, 24 Sept 2011, article by Amanda Yong, TNP

She was filtering out of the Central Expressway (CTE) into Braddell Road when a car overtook her. The blue Bentley accelerated and abruptly cut into her lane, she claimed. It then screeched to a sudden halt, forcing her to step on her brakes.

What happened next so frightened Madam Wang, 36, a manager, that it left her shaking. The driver of the British sports car, a Caucasian man, got out of his vehicle, stormed over to her white Mercedes-Benz and started shouting at her.

Then, he slammed his bare fist into her car windscreen as she remained in the driver’s seat. He did this at least twice, cracking the glass, Madam Wang said. She immediately got out of the car as she did not want to be hit by falling glass shards.

She said: “I was terrified. I feared for my personal safety, I feared for my life.”

Stunned by the man’s outburst, Madam Wang’s female cousin and four-year-old son also stepped out of the car. “I was shocked by his behaviour and shocked that he could actually damage the windscreen using his bare hand. And I was afraid that he would hit me too,” said Madam Wang, a Taiwanese married to a Singaporean.

…The New Paper understands that the man claimed that Madam Wang had cut into his lane and he decided to do the same to her. But she denied having cut into his lane.

…She said that before the man left, he took out his business card, shoved it into her cousin’s hands and said: “I’ll pay for everything.” Then, he drove off. The police arrived shortly after. Madam Wang said the man’s card stated that he is a managing director (Stephan Masuhr) in a unit of a major foreign bank here.

She said: “Did he think I wasn’t a human being and that just because he’s rich and drives an expensive car that he can just bully me and pay me off?

“He was very arrogant. His attitude was too much.”

I’m beginning to think road bullies are not just prone to bursts of violence, but are sociopaths who exhibit bizarre behaviour as well. Not only does this brute have a fist of iron, but he willingly offered his identity and number as a form of apology and compensation after smashing someone’s windscreen, which just makes the job of the police easier. Interestingly enough, according to Mr Masuhr’s Linkin homepage, aside from the impressive CV , he also affiliates himself with a group called ‘IRONMAN FINISHERS’, which only a select group of triathletes can claim to be a part of. It’ll be intriguing to see how this high-profile case plays out, because clearly Masuhr isn’t just an ‘exec’ of Royal Bank Scotland, he’s HEAD of EM (emerging markets, or is it ENRAGED MOTORISTS) and Credit Structuring & Repacking Asia Pacific. He also happens to be German,  and to think that they’re the ones who made fun of CRAZY Singaporeans   (He in fact became a Singaporean 4 years ago).

The trigger of road rage can be boiled down to an exaggerated intolerance of two basic road behaviours 1) when one is deemed to be driving dangerously (cutting into one’s lane) or 2) One is the deemed to be the cause of delay (road hogging, obstruction). In light of how road rage is becoming seen as a mental disorder in some scientific circles, Masuhr’s strange namecard-giving gesture could be a ruse to plead insanity if he’s eventually nabbed.  But if you thought road rage was a fairly recent phenomenon symptomatic of a stressful environment, overpopulation and bad traffic infrastructure, or may be attributed to loudmouthed Caucasian expats in luxury cars, think again.

Here’s a history of obscene gestures, swearing, improvised weaponry,  punching, kicking and other near-fatalities that is road rage violence in Singapore:

195o’s: ‘Ill-mannered’ drivers were blamed for the increase in road accidents according to Singapore AA, in particular drivers of buses and taxis. In 1959, two hooligans on a TRICYCLE beat up a motorist for sounding his horn.

1973: Before the term was even coined, ‘road ragers’ were simply ‘road bullies’, with an ‘appalling sense of road courtesy’, according to the chairman of the National Safety First Council.

1989: A motocyclist broke a lorry driver’s nose and slashed another passenger with a broken bottle from a nearby crate He was jailed for 6 months.

199os: A road bully was fined $4000 for thumping a motorcyclist with a hammer.  In 1998, a service technician hit a trailer driver in the face with a screwdriver. Another weapon of choice was an iron pipe, which was brandished in a threatening manner in a 1993 incident and earning the aggressor a 4 weeks stint in jail.   But these attacks pale in comparison to a triple-penknife- stabbing of a cabby in 1992.

2000′s: Cabbie Low Eng Whye, 54, floored a lorry driver ten years his senior during a confrontation which involved Low giving a middle finger to Han Cheow Pong for driving too slowly. In 2004, a cabbie slashed a motorist’s face with a pair of scissors.  Four years later, private bus driver Yeo Teck Kiang pursued an SMRT bus after having his lane cut, punched the victim in the face and drove off. He was jailed for 5 weeks. The most extreme tantrum would be the bully ramming his own vehicle into the back of the victim’s car repeatedly, as what Chan Swee Leng did in 2008, a trait that would have made him the perfect kamikaze pilot. He also served 5 weeks in jail. Just last year, someone was stalked with a baseball bat, according to Stomp website (See below)

In S'pore, baseball bats are used for anything except baseball

Most recently, another Caucasian ‘body slammed’ female dance instructor Rachel Lim on a bus for ‘talking too loudly’ over the phone. Except that he was a PASSENGER and not a driver, something which should give the police food for thought when it comes to defining what makes a ‘road bully’.

So, there’s no discernible pattern of the kind of people or occupations succumbing to road rage and physical violence other than the fact they are predominantly male and have a really short fuse. Locking all doors and hiding under your dashboard won’t help if you’re unlucky enough to encounter a plumber, mechanic or anyone with a toolkit in his boot. Courtesy campaigns are pretty much useless; you can’t educate someone who constantly loses his temper at the wheel, you either institutionalise him, medicate him with antipsychotics, or impose a deterrent like lifetime driving bans. Hell, you may even get accosted by bullies on public transport if you’re too terrified to drive yourself because of all these motorists with vehicles more equipped for war than a SAF military truck.

But what bugs me  is that pranksters, in particular Swiss Oliver Fricker, get caned for spray painting public property but not bullies who smash other drivers’ windscreens, whether it’s with their fists, metal pipes, chains or spare tires. Imagine the trauma and injuries the glass shards could have inflicted. Such hooligans should be banned from driving altogether and thoroughly spanked before someone gets murdered. We already have people dying from drunk and reckless driving, so if we can’t ban alcohol, or put speed demons to death, we should, at the very least, chuck these nuisances off the damn roads already. Not only will our roads be more pleasant to drive on, we’ll have less vehicles to deal with too. Alas, judging from the dismal statement ‘investigations are ongoing’, it looks like Masuhr is getting off with nothing more than a slap on the wrist, a fine at most. All those ex bullies who suffered weeks in jail for nothing more than waving a fist, cursing other drivers’ mothers or denting car doors must be kicking themselves as we speak.

Bombing Parliament after failing a job interview

From ‘Man jailed for bombarding MPs with bomb hoax email’, 19 Sept 2011, article by Shaffiq Alkhatib, Today

Unhappy with the outcome of a job interview, a man decided to get back at the company’s managing director by emailing bomb hoax messages to 83 Members of Parliament (MPs). They included Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong and former Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew.

For sending out the false threats, David Daniel Liu Fu Long, 34, was today jailed nine months. He could have been jailed up to seven years and fined a maximum of S$50,000.

Liu had gone for the interview with marketing firm, Redwoods Advance, at around 2.30pm on May 18 concerning a sales executive position. For reasons not mentioned in court, he got angry during a discussion about the company’s compensation package. Liu shouted at the company’s managing director, Adrian Chua You Hong, 31, and its employees.

He left the company’s Beach Road office and went to an Internet cafe at nearby Bras Basah Complex where he created an email account in Mr Chua’s name. He then typed out a message, threatening to bomb Parliament, the police force as well as the prison complex (Death be with you! I want to bomb the whole parliament,police force and prison complex!) Liu then signed off with Mr Chua’s name, designation, office address and contact details.

…Police Security Command’s head of Operations and Intelligence, Superintendent Tan Su Leng saw the email on her office computer later that evening. She lodged a report the next day and Liu was arrested.

The prank of all pranks that is the bomb hoax has a section entirely devoted to it under the Telecommunications Act Part VI section 45, Sending false message, which states:

Any person who transmits or causes to be transmitted a message which he knows to be false or fabricated shall be guilty of an offence and shall be liable on conviction —

(a) in the case where the false or fabricated message contains any reference to the presence in any place or location of a bomb or other thing liable to explode or ignite, to a fine not exceeding $50,000 or to imprisonment for a term not exceeding 7 years or to both; and

(b) in any other case, to a fine not exceeding $10,000 or to imprisonment for a term not exceeding 3 years or to both.

Bomb hoaxes are either anonymous or signed off with a mysterious moniker like the Unabomber or a cryptic calling card to taunt the police. Nobody in his right mind tells the police that he’s going to blow the Government to kingdom come and leaves behind his full name, I/C number and address without kick-starting the obligatory panic of a wild goose chase. For a 34 year old adult who should have seen enough action movies to know better, David Daniel deserves to be imprisoned for stupidity alone.

You don’t need to be a forensic surveillance expert to know that the first thing any cop would do is contact the self-exposed ‘bomber’ and the barest of investigative skills would provide the necessary leads to bring down the real culprit.  Instead of mass mailing the same message to 83 MPs, it would have been more devious to create 83 separate hoaxes, at different internet cafes with different email servers signed off by 83 different pseudonyms, timed to be sent at various intervals across the day. Or he could have threatened to splatter people with acid using a Nerf gun and gotten away with ‘Option b’ above.

Bomb hoaxes were in fact quite fashionable among primary school children who hated their teachers in the 60′s. One of the youngest hoaxers to date was a 11 year old boy who was charged UNDER THE ISA for making a ‘false statement likely to cause public alarm’ in 1965. In the same year, someone decided to choose Jackie’s bowling alley for a fake bomb STRIKE. Some hoaxes were made out of good intentions, by all the wrong people; In 1987, a police officer pulled a bomb hoax at Isetan Orchard just to test the readiness of his team.

The advent of electronic media made posting false and malicious content under the cloak of anonymity(or so they thought) more frequent and extensive in the 2000s. Holland Village was the subject of an SMS ‘bombing’ in 2002, and an ex-NEA officer sent emails about a suicide bomber attack on PM Lee Hsien Loong in 2006, the culprit later diagnosed as suffering from paranoia. NS man Lin Zhengguang tried ‘mooching’ off his neighbour’s wireless to post bomb threats on a Hardware Zone forum website after the July 2005 London bus bombings. Yet, even in this digital age, some hoaxers decide to take the primitive bomb-tinkerer approach.  In 2004, an SBS Transit employee placed a suspicious looking package under the seat of an MRT with a note that came with the oxymoron: ‘Revenge is sweet. Help save lives!’

This brief history of bomb hoaxes tells us a few things. Pranks aside, bomb threats have also served as imitations of actual terrorist events, exploiting the climate of fear to unnerve the authorities. Venues are often hubs of bustling human activity (airports, planes, MRT, shopping centres, hospitals) and prominent human targets include the PM himself. They may also be the work of disgruntled employees venting their frustrations on former or rival agencies, or just plain lunatics. But what’s chilling about bomb hoaxes is not the motives behind them, but rather the clinical efficiency demonstrated by the police  in tracking down hoaxers, leaving no stone unturned, and identifying culprits with tick-tock, I mean clockwork, precision. It just means you can’t be any more anonymous in cyberspace than the guy who gets caught on CCTV planting a shoebox wrapped with wire and alarm clock taped to it. Whether it’s a blog comment, sms, email, a random post on a forum or a midnight call from a public phone in the middle of nowhere, you will be caught out. Having face a REAL BOMB, however, is quite a different story altogether.

C.L.I.F bomb scene is a joke

From ‘Bomb scene’s a joke’, 11 June 2011, Life! Mailbag

(Alan Tan): …The Singapore Police Force already suffers from a poor public relations image because of the handling of a lame escapee – and this drama series (C.L.I.F) is indeed a cop-out.

Consider the bomb blast in the yellow rubbish bin in episode one. The rubbish bin does not have any burn marks consistent with a bomb blast or any melted parts. There are no burn marks on the grass patch below the bin; instead the ‘demolished’ bin has zig-zag and straight line cuts consistent with a technician using a blade or sharp scissor on it.

What do the producers take us for? Buffoons? Ask any NS infantry soldier about bomb blasts.

Expelliarmus!

History tells us that all local cop drama serials ever produced to date are really glammed up recruitment ads for the police force. The fact that you need to buff up these shows with celebrities and pyrotechnics means there’s less budget to spend on forensic consultants to make every scene as accurate as possible. I think what’s most unrealistic about such serials, other than the likelihood of things blowing up in rubbish bins, cars flipping over and other action set pieces which involve officers jumping out of the way of explosions with anything more than a scraped eyebrow, is that they feature good-looking leads, not how much damage a rubbish bin should sustain. Remember, television drama caters to the reptilian brain, not the part that reads ‘Where’s Wally’ or plays Sudoku, and anyone who spends their free time using the latter should stay away from such dramas altogether, before they apply their attention to microscopic detail to every consistency blunder from  where bullets land to how smoke should billow from a wreckage.

This explosion is rubbish

I took it upon myself to view the first episode in its entirety.  Fine, I was willing to suspend any cynicism over the introductory subtitles of ‘They control evil’ and how our police ‘put their lives on the line’, but was floored by the  opening sequence of Tay Ping Hui beating off a mob with a black stick, in a SUIT, reminiscent of a Crazy 88 gangster in Kill Bill than a police agent. There are a couple of scenes of rioting to compensate for the lack of more creative stand-offs, which subscribes to the film theory that if you have nothing clever to say, fill your screen with angry extras.   The controversial exploding bin aftermath, though, is barely 2 seconds long and I’m amazed by the complainant’s shrewd, geeky attention to detail here. But the job at stake  is not the scissor-wielding special effects wizard responsible for an inadequately exploded rubbish bin here, but that of the scriptwriters, for seducing young men and women into an occupation where they’re more likely to deal with paperwork and petty neighbour complaints over flowerpots than running around raising your weapon like you’re ready to infuse it with the power of Grayskull. Similar inconsistencies in the depiction of police from the eighties below (SBC dramas give the wrong impression, 28 Sept 1989, ST), though this complainant went down to the gritty detail of how policemen wear their socks. I guess if smart viewers want less eye candy or dumb action and have instead bomb debris and bloodstains described in sexy, intimate detail,  they should just watch C.S.I instead.

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