Cradle of Filth banned from St James Powerhouse

Posted on April 28, 2013 by gdy2shoez

From ‘No venue for Cradle of Filth’s gig’, 28 April 2013, article by Tan Yee Kun, TNP

THEY were set to play on Friday night in Singapore for the first time. But three days before UK extreme metal band Cradle of Filth’s ticketed gig at Powerhouse at St James Power Station, the owners of the venue decided to pull out, leaving fans in the lurch and the organiser scrambling for an alternative stage

Tickets were priced at $100, with an early bird rate of $80 and $120 at the door.

Mr Dennis Foo, chief executive of St James Holdings, told The New Paper yesterday that he was alerted to the band’s background by one of his “associates”.

He said: “We decided not to allow the concert (to be held at) our venue after we were sounded out, and after we checked their website. Their content (contains) heavy (anti-religious) elements and vulgarities.

“St James, as a responsible operator, cannot allow these types of performances on our premises, especially when our entertainment licences are at stake.”

The lead singer of CoF Dani Filth comes from the ‘heart of the English countryside‘ and helms a band that sings about ‘vampires and werewolves’, except that extreme death metal isn’t the kind of stuff you’d hear on a Twilight soundtrack. ‘Dark’ and ‘morbid’ lyrics betraying a scholarly grasp of medieval occult and Crow-inspired make-up aside, the folks at Cradle of Filth turn out to be pretty normal people in real life who actually smile and don’t look like they’re about to impale you with a pitchfork or grow giant fiery bat wings and drag you down to Hell, as the Inokii Facebook page reveals. They have, however, caused quite a stir with a T-shirt featuring a nun in a ‘compromising position’ and features extreme Jesus blasphemy. Sounds not that far off from Lady Gaga antics.

Still, Dennis Foo and the St James honchos should have done their research before committing to a venue for the band. Just as someone didn’t like Adam Lambert’s gay lifestyle, one of Dennis Foo’s buddies thought that Powerhouse was no place for raging dark metal full of blood, questionable ‘lords’ and overall damnation. I have no idea what Foo’s or his associate’s religious inclinations are, though ironically in 2001 the man was responsible for the DEVIL’s Bar at Orchard Parade Hotel, a themed waterhole for a football club that calls itself ‘The Red Devils’. He also put up a white paper on his own to lobby for the casinos. A black metal addict may very well damage his hearing from his music or be a sucker for the Antichrist, but a gambling addict does far more destruction to himself and everyone else around him. I’m not sure which of the two is the greater ‘evil’ here.

Surely, the band title itself should alert you that they’re not here to do Bon Jovi or Nickelback cover versions. Although most people attuned to milder forms of elevator music would freak out at the guttural incantations of extreme metal, it’s worth noting that the genre has a rabid following here, one website listing the number of metal bands at a stunning 197! We’ve also had our share of ‘underground’ metal festivals such as 2011′s CARNAGE fest, which features names like Cardiac Necropsy and Remains. Cradle of Filth sounds tame in fact (Every bundle of joy leaves behind a cradle of filth) compared to the nightmarish likes of Devourment, Dying Fetus, Blood Anatomies, or ANALDICKTION. The latter is a local band by the way, and it has a song called ‘CB destroyer’. Mommy…

Any literate person WOULD know if a band is black metal or not simply by looking at its name. It’s either has death imagery, virulent disease, or scary Latin words straight out of the Necronomicon in it.  In fact, you can think up one yourself in a jiffy, like Lethal Injection, Rigor Mortis or something pants-pissingly terrifying like Final Examination, Internal Security or One Direction (STRAIGHT TO HELL). If, however, you don’t know anything about the macabre or John Milton you’re no better off than a D-grade horror movie, an ageing professional wrestling tag team (Legion of Doom, Demolition), or a bad Kiss tribute band.

Last year, another metal band ‘Inquisition’ was banned from performing at the True Metal Invasion fest for reasons unclear. I checked out some of the lyrics and found Satan-summoning and song titles like ‘Ominous Doctrines of the Perpetual Mystical Macrocosm’. That’s what you get when you combine a love for the occult and quantum physics. The song ‘Crepuscular Battle Hymn’ has the lyrics: Crushed from the blow of my hammer strike/ Thrones made of gold crumble from the blast. Which sounds like freakin’ Thor’s anthem, for God’s sake. Hardly the kind of stuff to possess horny boys so that they can molest little girls. Ban this but allow ‘Motherfather’ Gentleman’ on radio? May the scythe of my Leviathan lord lay a thousand curses on your rotten soul.

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Filed under: 2013, Concerts, Local music/bands, Violence | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Megachurch funding Sun Ho’s music career

Posted on June 26, 2012 by gdy2shoez

From ‘City Harvest’s Kong Hee and 4 others questioned by police’ and ‘City Harvest’s Crossover Project lies at heart of CoC inquiry’, 26 June 2012, ST

City Harvest Church founder Kong Hee and four others, including former board members, were arrested on Tuesday morning following a probe into financial irregularities of the church by both the police and the Commissioner of Charities (CoC). Among other things, the CoC found financial irregularities of at least $23 million from the church funds. Its spokesman said the funds were used with the purported intention to finance the wife of pastor Kong, Ms Ho Yeow Sun’s secular music career to connect with people.

…At the centre of the inquiry by the Commisioner of Charities (CoC) is the City Harvest Church’s Crossover Project and the misrepresentation on the use of the charity’s fund. The project was set up in 2002 purportedly to use Sun Ho’s secular music to connect with people and reach out to non-Christians. By 2003, it had drawn flak. According to the CoC, an individual alleged in the media that the charity was funding Sun Ho’s music career.

This attracted public attention. Although the person eventually issued a public apology and retracted his allegations, the church faced media scrutiny. In response, it issued press statements and made several representations to its members to state that they had not funded Sun Ho’s music career. However, unknown to the executive members of the board, the church’s funds were used to run the project, said the CoC.

In Jan 2003, a CHC member named Roland Poon told the ST that he was ‘encouraged’ to purchase five copies each of Sun Ho’s two albums at the time, and accused church leadership of using funds to push Ho to superstardom.  He later spent tens of thousands publicly apologising in various media out of sudden, dramatic repentance. I wonder how the same man would feel now if the very people he pointed fingers at almost a decade ago were found to be guilty of misusing donations to manufacture a pop star, one who sells sex more than gospel to the masses. What if he was RIGHT all along? It would be the most wasteful apology ever.

There’s nothing wrong with Ho’s ‘secular’ music (other than being utterly tuneless and forgettable) and a sex-kitten image even if she’s a pastor’s wife, though critics were quick to notice Sun Ho’s extravagances once they got bored of her peek-a-boos. In 2003, she was at the Hollywood Film Festival promoting her debut single ‘Where Did Love Go’ in a RED ARMANI SATIN GOWN. This was a track produced by the legendary David Foster, the man behind the success of classic syrupy balladeers like Celine Dion, Elton John and the reason why karaoke is still alive today. Miraculously, this formula of a mega-producer combined with a virtual nobody from Singapore  propelled ‘Where Did Love Go’ to the top of the Billboard Dance charts. It’s likely that the fee paid to Foster alone cost more than the profits of Sun’s first album in Singapore. Minus the CHC fanbase of course.

Five Mandarin platinum albums aside, she’s also the only Singaporean artiste to ever appear at the Grammys twice.   In 2007, the good Christian diva image was shed, and a collaboration with Wyclef Jean of the FUGEES resulted in CHINA WINE, with Ho channeling a premenopausal Nicki Minaj going by the street name of ‘GEISHA’. By taking such gimmicky liberties with all things Asian, China Wine is to Christianity as Annabelle Chong is to Singaporean film.  Most Singaporeans would have realised by now that Ho wasn’t going to be the Asian Charlotte Church. If she had worn crucifixes over lingerie in her performances there wouldn’t be the slightest hint of irony at all. China Wine even sounds like a euphemism for some date rape drug, judging from the raunchy chorus:

China wine, china wine, china wine, china wine, china wine, china wine
Mix da china wine with di dutty wine

I’ve no idea what ‘di dutty wine’ means, though it sounds like Jamaican slang for semen. More telling is the following line:

Look upon da girl a shes a dirty wina
Ed Hardy, dats her designa

(Sun not only wears Ed Hardy, but used to own a store at Heeren with husband Kong Hee. Her wardrobe’s full of it too. Apparently hip clothing sells better than bibles)

Sun Ho in an alternate Christian universe

2009 saw the release of ‘Fancy Free’, which had Ho in MILF meets Lady Gaga Ninja garb while sounding like Gwen Stefani. The music video was directed by Joseph Kahn, the creative hand behind Britney Spears’ Toxic video. A couple of saucy videos, expensive collaborators, endorsements from congregation and you’ve earned yourself a Hollywood home. In 2010, it was reported that Ho rents her place in Hollywood Hills at $28,000 a month, supposedly sharing the same ground that Brad and Angelina walk on. If she could convert either one of them, all would be forgiven. China Wine included.

With CD sales plummeting worldwide and Ho not producing a hit single since her turn to the ‘vamp’ side, it’s not possible for someone to lap up a lavish Hollywood lifestyle without a ‘little help’ from your flock. Whether by the Grace of God or shrewd ‘investments’, Ho has put Singapore ‘on the map’, even if she’s been packaged and sold like a comfort woman with dreadlocks while at it. It doesn’t, however, excuse the CHC bigwigs of turning the prayers and generosity of many into one bad Ed-Hardy endorsed dancehall-reggae-rap -astrophe after another.  Interestingly, in a 2003 Today article, it was reported that Ho was named one of the Outstanding Young Persons by the Junior Chamber of Commerce. One of the past winners was a certain CEO of another charity who later got himself into trouble as well using funds for dialysis patients to affix gold taps in his toilet.

His name? T T DURAI.

Postscript: As befitting of a charismatic leader, CHC members continue to support the shamed Kong Hee, clamouring for him outside court, tweeting words of faith and encouragement and a certain Christopher Pang  being so bold as to threaten the COC with defamation in a written letter to MCYS Minister Chan Chun Sing. Meanwhile the cash till rolls up to $50 million, with luxury property in Sentosa added to the windfall, and Kong Hee is desperately tweeting verses from the Bible like the one below,  forgetting to include @JesusChrist in his plaintive pleas. Not sure if Chan Chun Sing belongs to any denomination himself, though he used to study at Economics at CHRIST’S COLLEGE, Cambridge.

Filed under: 2000s, 2010, 2012, Local music/bands, Money, Religion, Sex | Tagged: , , , | 2 Comments »

NDP Committee ‘singing’ A Nation’s March

Posted on June 17, 2012 by gdy2shoez

From ‘Netizens hit out at a video of NDP song’, 15 June 2012, article by Fabian Koh, TNP

A VIDEO recording of a new National Day Parade (NDP) song for the marching contingent has drawn flak after it was posted online on Wednesday. Meant to introduce the key members of the NDP 2012 Parade and Ceremony committee, it featured them singing the song A Nation’s March.

But their performance has drawn brickbats for being out of tune, unprofessional and, in the words of some critical netizens, “an epic fail”. Some feel that the performance was unacceptably below par.

Despite the brickbats, there are those who feel the idea of making a video to motivate the marching contingent and help them learn the song was a refreshing one by the committee, and applauded the efforts put in.

Although intended to ‘introduce’ the key members of the NDP committee, not a single person was namechecked in the video. Being ‘unprofessional’ aside, most of these guys sound like they have never even stepped into a SAFRA karaoke room. But perhaps the lack of quality in army personnel singing could have been compensated with enthusiasm and patriotic verve, which was clearly lacking in the video. It’s OK to sing badly and laugh about it afterwards; no one expects a crooner out of a colonel.  However if you want to dish out a propaganda war tune in all seriousness, at least do it with gusto and lung power like you would actually die for the nation, with fists clenched, not swaying like a conductor for some children’s woodwind orchestra. No one’s going to march to this believing they have something to fight for if you guys struggle and wince your way through this like a vegetarian walking into an abbatoir.

The chorus has the following rhyme pair: We are Singapore, a nation we ADORE. The sweet cuddly word ‘adore’ doesn’t fit into a war cry. It’s like putting a teddy bear in a tank, or getting the New Zealand All Blacks to do pirouettes. If they wanted something to rhyme with Singapore, they could have chosen ‘…and we will GIVE IT ALL’,  ‘our nation and MORE’, or ‘a nation WITHOUT WAR’.  So this could be one of the reasons why  ex-Committee chief Colonel Nelson Yau quit suddenly in March this year: He saw the lyrics sheet for this song. Maybe he also found out that the Facebook page for this year’s ‘Loving Singapore, Our Home’ slogan is NDPeeps. Anyone not familiar with teenage slang would think this year’s parade will be a hardcore voyeur fest.

What’s this song for then? Cyberpioneer reports that A Nation’s March is the background music for the Commitment to Defence March, or to be hip about it, (C2D). It also includes student uniformed groups like the Boys and Girls brigade as you can see from the video where no one opens their mouths (i.e the best bits), which explains the ‘contemporary soft pop’ angle to dilute an otherwise triumphant march which may be too harsh and overpowering for kids. Someone needs to remix this pronto, something more befitting of an industrial, state-of-the-art, military machine to showcase our might and scare our enemies, not tickle them.  Skrillex would be ideal.

Perhaps it’s unfair to blame the singers or the director here. As the latter, you wouldn’t want to order a bunch of rugged army officers to do re-takes or sing like they have over-sized testicles without having to ‘knock it down’ right in the middle of the studio. If anything, this clip and it’s ‘Making Of’ video just shows that army men (and woman) can be just as camera-shy, awkward and atonal as most of us. At least the ‘Sing-Gah-Pore’ enunciation wasn’t so obvious as one would expect from army regulars, though I think this would sell better if they had a Hokkien version. Still, a song to accompany a march makes more sense than a Lady Gaga rip-off to promote a ‘fun pack’. Thank God no one raps in here too.

Since no one put captions on the video, I thought I’d take a shot at identifying some of the more prominent singers myself, using this very helpful list from a forum.

First singer. Colonel Roland Ng, Chairman of Parade and Ceremony sings only 4 words (‘Forward we’re marching on’)  Got that ‘How did I do?’ look on his face thereafter.

Lieutenant Colonel Clarence Tan: The guy who looks like he’s having the most fun among the lot. Turns out he’s also Parade Commander. Well chosen, I say.

OMG! It’s Tay Ping Hui! No..it’s just Major Kenneth Chiong, Chairman Parade and Marshalling. Got that ‘What am I doing here’ face. Sings better than Ping Hui though

Master Warrant Officer and Parade Regimental Sergeant Major Tamizh Kannan singing to the floor. Hope he doesn’t shout commands like this too.

ME5 Phui Peng Sim, Chief Trainer or The Conductor. The future is in his hands. ME5 means Military Expert by the way(Dunno about the ’5′. Expert in 5 things?). The guy behind watching remains emotionless.

Senior Warrant Officer Tang Peck Oon, Chief Trainer. This guy shouldn’t be singing the most important line in the chorus. He doesn’t even wear his headphones properly

Lieutenant Colonel Ning Tau Yee, Chairman Special functions: Oh man, you’ve got to hear him to believe it (1.28). Only 3 words solo, yet….

OMG! They got Andrea Bocelli on the team!
Wait a minute..no, it’ just Master Warrant Officer Lee Yong Kwang, Chairman Engagement. And very engaged in this song I must say.

All together now! And yes, someone is snapping his fingers to the beat. Encik, it’s called a Nation’s March, not a Nation’s Jitterbug!

Filed under: 2012, Army, Local music/bands | Tagged: , , , , , | 2 Comments »

K-pop vs J-pop

Posted on May 5, 2012 by gdy2shoez

From ‘Unfair to compare K-pop to J-pop’, 5 May 2012, ST Life!

(Tay Wan Xin): I am writing on behalf of many J-pop supporters regarding the story How K-pop Beat J-pop (Life!, April 26). Although it might be true that K-pop is the in thing now, is there a need to write such a biased article?

Using Ayumi Hamasaki to compare with Girl’s Generation is not fair. Hamasaki is a J-pop icon who has been in the music industry for a long time. Girl’s Generation is an idol group which only recently became famous. Hamasaki definitely wins hands down.

Besides, I do not think that the Japanese culture is dying out. People seem to have forgotten that most of their favourite anime, such as Pokemon and Doreamon, are part of Japanese culture and their childhood. Even popular K-dramas such as Boys Over Flowers, City Hunter, Playful Kiss and many others are adaptations of original Japanese manga.

(Goh Jia Jie): …The article has incited virtual violence in social media such as Facebook and Twitter, drawing a line between J-pop and K-pop and dividing individuals who appreciate music. It has resulted in an even more tense relationship between K-pop and J-pop fans in Singapore.

Not a fan of either, but I hope nobody has died defending their musical turf in what appears to me as a rather harmless rivalry, like the sort between top England football clubs, Britpop bands of the nineties, Mac vs Microsoft users or Zoe vs Fann.  Singaporeans generally lack ‘groupie solidarity’ when it comes to supporting their own musical talents. No one will be arguing if Taufik Batistah has more ‘swag’ than Sheik Haikel, nor do our local bands and idols have the kind of obsessive, exclusive following that has earned J and K-pop ‘cult-like’ status. The rest of us who live in the real world tend to differ passionately over who makes the best chicken rice in Singapore instead. Whether fans of J or K pop, without these kids HMV would have disappeared a long time ago and I thank God that their obsession is keeping the CD format alive.

Japanese pop music has been trending in Singapore for much longer than Korean music, long before it was rebranded as J-pop and even before the first Pokemon was born. According to this ST article, the craze was born in the aftermath of the All Japan Red and White festival which was screened on local TV in 1981. K-pop really began to take off at the turn of the millennium (Seoul Music, 22 Aug 2000, ST), with girl groups like SES and Clon setting the stage for future performers. Shinhwa was the first K-pop band to perform here, and that was as late as 2006.  The genre is still relatively young and it’s hard to think of a Korean hit song without someone rapping over it, if not auto-tuned. Manufactured to bubblegum perfection, it’s no surprise that K-pop has had greater success here, riding on the tidal wave of pop exports like drama serials and horror movies. Still, it’s unlikely that your slick RnB-heavy Korean boy bands of today could rival 80′s J groups like Shonen-Tai when it comes to versatility and staying power. Or looking like actual men for that matter.

Indeed, it was a time when the hair drew as much attention as the dance movies. Shohjo-Tai, the female version of Shonen-Tai above,  look like they actually eat three proper meals a day. You also didn’t need 48 members to launch a single then. Most producers would be happy with trios, not an entire classroom.

What K-pop lacks in wackiness and variety, the Japanese have more than made up for it in style. If pop and RnB isn’t your cup of tea, you have the choice of techno (Steve Aoki), or Ogre You AssHole.  Other J-rock/punk bands have names like Maximum the Hormone, Bump of Chicken or Sons of All Pussys.  They even made a movie about a death metal band called Detroit Metal City.

If you need more evidence of J-pop’s staying power, look no further than the universally recognised catchy little 1963 ditty that is ‘Sukiyaki’, which singer Johnny Nakamura brought to the region when the word ‘pop-star’ was still in quotation marks.  It was also probably the first Japanese  contemporary track ever heard by Singaporeans. K-pop fans talk about the genre’s success in ‘crossovers’ into US markets. This guy scored a No 1 on the Billboard Charts before most K-pop fans’ parents were even born. Girls’ Generation could ‘bring all the boys out’ and will never achieve what Sukiyaki did for Asia in the face of legends of the time like the Beatles and Rolling Stones.

And of course, there’s Kitaro, still alive by the way. It’s heartening to see musicians sticking to the dying trade that is New Age Music and not sell-out by dressing like pimps. Alas, only spa owners would use his works now.


Filed under: 1960s, 1980s, 1990s, 2000s, 2012, Fun and games, Local music/bands, Music/music videos, Violence | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »

Another Home spoils image of Singapore

Posted on August 2, 2011 by gdy2shoez

From ‘Video spoof of S’pore causes stir online’, 2 Aug 2011, article in Asiaone.com

A VIDEO clip taking a fresh spin on Dick Lee’s classic National Day song, Home, has caused a stir online. The seven-minute clip entitled Another Home, produced by Singapore Independent Films Only (SINdie), gives an irreverent twist to Singapore’s key talking points in the past year. SINdie is a website dedicated to independent films here.

The pro-bono video project has garnered about 45,000 hits since it was posted online last Saturday. It was put together by a production team and cast of about 60 people.

…The video also features the Singapore Democratic Party’s bear mascot in a pair of swimming trunks, similar to those worn infamously by members of the national water-polo team last November.

SINdie founder Jeremy Sing, 34, told my paper he feels that Singaporeans are “mature enough to laugh at ourselves”, especially after the recent watershed General Election. He declined to reveal the video’s production costs, saying that the video was intended to “stir conversation”, while stressing that it was not politically driven.

Chua, who plays the NSF in the clip, said: “It’s like a review…of what Singapore got up to as a 45-year-old. It’s like those videos that one has to watch at a wedding banquet.”

There were mixed reactions from netizens, though. Netizen Jacksonlcq said that the video “spoils the image of Singapore”, while a few others said that it was embarrassing.

This image creeps me out

Considering the high production values invested in this clip, it would be waste if it were not featured on national television. Not exactly a montage of the last 45 years of our history, but rather a compilation of sly references to the most talked about cultural memes over the past year: NSF and his backpack-carrying maid, Tin Pei Ling, Nicole Seah, national water-polo team swimming trunks, election mushrooms, YOG Oh yeah Oh yeah cheer, Fun Pack Song (at the end credits). You could say it’s almost like a Noose musical version, but judging from the crop of musical tributes from past NDPs and its generally low tolerance of satire and obsession with bland patriotic fluff, it’s unlikely that you’ll see this featured in this year’s celebrations, though it may score higher in terms of Youtube hits than any other NDP song in history.

This is where I MUST be

In fact one could detect a sense of restraint from going totally off the cuff with the inside jokes here, though that would mean it would be banned outright for being, well, simply too Singaporean for the NDP organisers’ liking.  The SDP bear in obscene waterpolo trunks is probably the funniest thing here, while using a bizarre doppleganger in the form of Tin Pei Ling was  a bit too obvious and predictable. Still, at least there’s no pesky rapping going on, unlike the ‘We Are the World’ version of the exact same song featuring Sheik Haikel. There’s so much potential in this to be something wildly magical, and you get the feeling that it was created half-heartedly for mass appeal without offending anyone too much in order to get a rare shot at the NDP. Nothing wrong with playing it safe, but there’s this gnawing feeling that Chua En Lai and gang are capable of so much more than just 7 minutes of cheesy dancing, Tin Pei Ling pouting and bad synchronised swimming.

Still, spoofing is always preferable to what our past NDP songs have been doing all this while: Recycling. I present to you now the most over-used word that is not ‘We’  in the history of NDP songs:

‘We are told no dream‘s too bold that we can’t try for’ – Count on Me Singapore, 1986

‘Where my dreams wait for me, where the river always flows’ – Home, 1998

‘Where dreams come true for us’ – Where I Belong, 2001

‘Our dreams we’ll all achieve’ – Reach out for the Skies, 2005

‘Your dreams and hopes will all come true’ – Shine for Singapore, 2008

‘With our hopes and dreams, imagine what tomorrow will bring’ – What do you See, 2009

‘Live our wildest dreams’ – Sing a Song for Singapore, 2010

‘I have a dream of starting a life’ – In a Heartbeat, 2011

Filed under: 2011, Local actors, Local music/bands, Music/music videos, Public holidays | Tagged: , , , | 3 Comments »

NDP Fun pack song attacked

Posted on July 6, 2011 by gdy2shoez

From ‘Bad idea’, 6 July 2011, My Point, ST Forum and ‘Lady Gaga rip-off ripped out’, 6 July 2011, article by Jeremy Chow, ST

(MS CHRISTINE CHAN): ‘A YouTube video of a recent rehearsal for this year’s National Day Parade (NDP) features a pre-show performance by local artists singing about the contents of the fun pack for the NDP crowd to the tune of Lady Gaga’s hit single Bad Romance. While featuring popular music to create a youthful and entertaining buzz is well-meaning, to cheapen a hit song with lyrics about the trivialities of an NDP goodie bag is in bad taste. The banal treatment ruins the experience of the original song and insults the intelligence of spectators and home viewers. The parade not only celebrates the nation’s founding, but it also showcases Singapore as an island that has overcome great odds to be a First World country. To have a well-loved song destroyed by lyrics about goodie bags reflects poorly on us. As the NDP is still in rehearsals, it is not too late to make amends. As a young person and Lady Gaga fan, I hope this number will be excluded.’

…Dick Lee: Why do we need to sing about biscuits, sweets and Newater? It’s not worth celebrating these items in a bag….If I were Lady Gaga, I wouldn’t be very pleased.

Superlatives like ‘epic fail’, ‘lame’, ‘embarrassing’ came fast and furious when this clip went viral, and it’s clear from the video that the audience wasn’t amused, with cheerleaders trying their darnedest to get people excited over a goodie bag  So now they know how flight attendants feel when they’re giving safety demos to passengers. If I were deprived of food, water and a mobile phone for a week I’d probably have something to prance about, but to go Gaga over a goodie bag is like throwing fireworks after finding out what’s inside a pencil case. Incidentally, the fun pack was painstakingly designed to be biodegradable, with a visor, a hand-fan and a Mr Bean shaker. It’s practically your very own samba fiesta in a bag, which explains everything then.

I just can't wait to attack it

Lampooning Lady Gaga is fine as long as you make it witty, at minimum, relevant. But even the hardiest Phua Chu Kang movie fans fed on a stock of clumsy schtick would find this rather unbearable after a few listens.  I mean, this actually makes the YOG’s Oh Yeah Oh Yeah cheer sound, and LOOK, good. The ‘Love Your Ride’ jingle is a work of sterling genius in comparison. There’s no effort to even make a pun out of the original song’s title, which makes this more of an insult, rather than a tribute to the diva herself. Everyone performing that song in the video has my deepest sympathies. It could have been worse, though. Gurmit Singh could have sung this dressed as Phua Chu Kang.

But what really bugs me about this song is that it’s taking its subject matter  (fun pack) way too seriously, that it ceases to be cheesy after the very first line. It seemed like the writer came up with the lyrics while pressed against the wall with a flaming pitchfork, held by a singing purple dinosaur who would only let him off if he churned out something in a couple of minutes. I took the pain of dissecting the lyrics line by line, to give an indication of how much thought was put into this.

Let’s start with the bag/That’s right, grab your bag/It’s the fun pack bag/Attack the fun pack

The bag in ‘fun pack bag’ is redundant. Isn’t the pack itself a bag? Just look at the last words of this stanza. Bag, bag, bag, pack. What the hell. Mother Goose would be squawking with displeasure.

Take out your light stick, it’s two of a kind/It’s interactive, means you can join/Just pretend/Oh oh oh it’s a disco

Means you can join..what?How is a light stick interactive? Can you sms with it? Do people even use the word ‘disco’ anymore?

I want Newater and I want a cold drink/You and me let’s share a bit/I want a biscuit and I want a sweet/You and me, let’s share this treat

This is the fountain of youth right here. Sing this line and you’ll be instantly transported into a crib, Huggies and all. And redundancy again; Newater IS the cold drink isn’t it. Or so I hope.

But what really takes the cake is the bridge. I’m not sure what the intentions of the writer were when he came up with this, but it sounds like something you would want to attach a xxx suffix to.

You know I want you/And you know that I need you/I want a wet, wet tissue.

The fun pack will naturally spawn its own spoofs-within-a-spoofs in the coming days. Enter the Pun Pack, and let the real fun begin. Meanwhile, just in case there are fun pack supporters out there who want to challenge me to come up with something better, here’s my version.

I want that visor/it makes me look cool
Anyone to thinks otherwise/ Is just a damned fool
I want it now/ Now, now, now, if not how?

Chorus: I want my funpack so I can shine a light stick
And wave it like I’m a Star Wars Kid (whoa-oh-oh)
I want this song to end/It’s taking too long
Bring on the Munnaeru Vaalibaa song

Oh-oh-oh-ohhhh-ohhh
Munnaeru Vaalibaa song

Postscript: The Fun Pack song was eventually given the boot out of the NDP parade, citing copyright issues as the reason. There is a God. It will be a while before we hear of Haresh Sharma again. I know everyone’s got to pay the bills, especially playwrights, but this is not the way to sell-out dude, more so if you’ve once been shortlisted by CNN in 2009 as one of 20 Singaporeans described as  ‘unique, fascinating, and contributing to the city and society in their own way’.

Filed under: 2011, Festivals, Local music/bands, Public holidays | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

Rapping when singers are singing

Posted on February 26, 2011 by gdy2shoez

From ‘Original version is better’, 26 Feb 2011, Speakup, New Paper

(Tan Shao Ken): IN RECENT weeks, the music video for the song titled, Home, has been aired on national television. I appreciate the effort in having a new music video to commemorate Total Defence Day. But is it good enough to send a message? I doubt it.

It appears that Singapore wants a song similar to We Are The World. But there is no proper synchronisation of the elements in the video: lyrics, sound and visuals.

What is home to most Singaporeans? Is it not family? But there are no obvious scenes in the video which relate to a family.

Instead the scenes of skylines seem more touristy than heartland, which most Singaporeans can relate to.

Also, why is there rapping when singers are singing? How are listeners to concentrate on the lyrics and the message?

Compared with Kit Chan’s original version, this new version of Home does not send any message to listeners.

 

Baby you're on fire. Word!

For the noble cause of argument, I took great pains to decipher Sheikh Haikel’s ‘rap’ off the Home video since everyone in the video has accompanying subtitles except for him, and he actually has more lines than the composer Dick Lee himself (38 seconds of airtime, the most among all involved, apparently).  Here is his segment in its awful entirety.

‘It’s where we’re not alone/For this is our home/This is my home truly/No matter where I’d be/I love you dearly/I keep you close to me/I’m there for you sincerely/Like you’re always there for me/You’re always there for me/Together you and me’…’I know it’s home cos I’m never alone/Together we’re strong/I call home cos you’re always there/I can’t compare/This is where/This is home baby, yay-aah’

The lyrics alone seem more at ‘Home’ in a Wheels on a Bus DVD for toddlers than a call to arms theme like Total Defence Day. To call such wimpy drivel rapping is an insult to the genre, which was traditionally about ‘sticking it to da Man’ , narcissistic ranting and rising out the ghettos into a decadent lifestyle of guns, girls, money and plenty of bikini pool parties,  not proclaiming your love for the homeland through bland Mother goosing. In any case, rap has in recent years morphed into the commercial behemoth that is ‘hip hop’ and anyone can vocalise in a flat monotonous tone these days and make tons of money without having to don oversized jerseys, bling or even be black, i.e. Lady Gaga or Justin Bieber.

So the writers of the new ‘Home’ could argue that ‘rapping’, or as they would say ‘Hip Hop’ elements, are perfectly natural inclusions to give the new theme a more contemporary, funky vibe. The complainant, however, seems to think that Sheikh Haikel just bumbled into the studio to shoot his hip hop mouth off interrupting other people while they’re singing lines with proper melodies, which suggests a fuddy duddy mindest without the slightest clue about how rapping works.  Haikel, good intentions with unfortunate lyrics nonetheless, is probably the only potential cyber-warrior among the supergroup who can play an actual part in national defence other than pummeling enemies with sick rhymes, having a Twitter fanbase and the power to intimidate by dropping Tweet bombs like U Kiss My Ass! on anyone trying to be funny with our homeland, or his rapping for that matter. Take that, enemy!

Singapore has little to offer by way of ‘We are the World’ supergroup videos other than skylines, as evident in our Shanghai Expo promo last year, where someone thought getting 4 Mandopop giants to come together and sing a song of Singapore would be a great idea. To be specific, skylines filmed from a slow bumboat under bridges, instead of doing  more impressive vista sweeping with a helicopter, which is probably also cheaper and easier than getting 39 superstars together to sing a composition redone to death at NDPs because nothing truly original has emerged since. My sympathies to celebrity Kelvin Tan Wei Lian, who had only 5 words  (as my senses tell me) in his contribution, though I must say those few seconds were at least sung more emphatically and joyously than Sheikh’s Big Daddy, Positivity sweetened posturing and some of the old worn-out tobacco chewing Joe Cocker wannabe croakers in there. Well of course Kit’s original version was better, as it’s been the case for all the versions of We are the World trying to emulate the 80′s original. Sure, we could do without the rapping, but the recycled skyline motifs, which we’re supposed to defend with our very lives, are sadly here to stay.  What message the video is trying to deliver though, is rather questionable, since it appeals merely to the softer side of our sense of belonging, as it was intended to be in the first place. For a more effective, and cheaper campaign to make Singaporeans bear arms to protect their soil, playing snippets of army training videos to the theme for Top Gun (no rapping there) would probably do the trick.

Where the river flows. Left:Home video. Right:Last year's Expo video

Filed under: 2011, Campaigns/Elections, Local music/bands, Music/music videos | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

NDP songs pointless

Posted on July 29, 2010 by gdy2shoez

From ‘Pointless to have new ones every year’ 29 July 2010, ST Forum

(Victor Khoo) Is it necessary to compose new National Day songs every year?

My sense is that these new compositions seem to be written to promote the artists singing them rather than as a song that Singaporeans can truly connect with.

There is nothing wrong with the two classics, Count On Me Singapore and Stand Up For Singapore, which are inspirational and tug at the heartstrings.

It would be wrong if the organisers’ intention is to cater to the young generation because this would suggest that older Singaporeans are left out.

It would be better if the creative sparks organising this year’s National Day Parade re-record a fresh, uptempo version of the two classic songs. Then they will be recognisable and easy for all to sing or hum along to.

With the kind of criticism thrown and enormous pressure faced by National Day song performers, e.g Electrico, what on earth makes Victor Khoo think that our local artistes would use this as a platform for stardom? Bland lyrics, boring videos, limited overseas appeal, people watching it for free on TV and not buying CDs, not being able to perform the song at concerts because it’s lame. It’s practically career suicide! And not all uptempo remixes of Stand up for Singapore are easy to hum to, as you can see from this clip of a rap entourage taking a classic, pulverising it with phony hip hop grooves, disemboweling it of all meaning and nostalgia, and scrapping its bloody innards on the ground off the sole of their Timberland boots.  As for its exclusive appeal to youth, don’t you know it’s totally not cool to listen to National Day songs? If anything, NDP anthems like the irrepressible Stand up for Singapore belong on the mixtape of any Line Dancing tournament.

Filed under: 2010, Local music/bands, Music/music videos, Public holidays | Tagged: , , | 3 Comments »

Oh yeah oh yeah

Posted on May 13, 2010 by gdy2shoez

From Random tweets on YOG cheer, 13 May 2010, Twitter

Shout it out loud

Well, we got used to the Great Singapore Workout didn’t we? Your baby would probably be entertained by the ‘hand-jaw’ action, otherwise, some would be so bold to declare this a work of malevolent, viral genius. More on YOG mascots here.

Filed under: 2010, Campaigns/Elections, Local music/bands, Music/music videos, Sports | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

Too many stars, not enough Singapore

Posted on May 8, 2010 by gdy2shoez

From ‘从世博主题曲看新加坡特色’, 7 May 2010 article in omy.sg

如果拿歌词对歌词，真的感觉不到我们的这首歌凸现了新加坡的什么特色。再看画面，没错，我们真的很难跟地大景多的台湾相比。要命的是，还很硬性地的融入一些多元种族的画面。

所以我们为世博而作的歌，真的可以不要绿色蛋糕、鱼尾狮、摩天轮、繁忙的机场和海港、组屋楼下的聚会点、咖啡店的kopi siu dai、各种族的寺庙、pasar malam、跳蚤市场、地铁、圣淘沙的排球沙滩…？ （还有很多吧？）

The music video for the Shanghai Expo looks like a We Are the World Singapore version, with at least 4 artistes competing for face-time, leaving little showcase of what we’re actually supposed to present at the World Expo. The article says there’s nothing uniquely Singaporean about the video, and pales in comparison to Taiwan’s entry, which happens to have a nicer melody and features real people, not mega-artistes ( and there’s only one singer, Jolin Tsai, behind it). Obligatory shot of a spouting Merlion and the riverside aside, at least half the video is shot indoors: Ah Du in an office, Tanya Chua frollicking in different ethnic costumes in a studio, JJ Lin in a study looking contemplative. Only Stefanie Sun is outside doing experiments with orchids, or rejuvenating under a waterfall (there’s a waterfall here?) looking like a stooge for some spa-botanical-natural-extract commercial , all of which, sadly, doesn’t say much about why people should visit at all. The worst sin is that there are no images of food at all! Heavily sanitised and starstruck, the ‘Every Touching Moment’ video is a symptom of a country fast running out of ideas and losing its identity. Even the first stanza of the song sounds like a rip-off Christopher Cross’s Arthur’s Theme. And the latter sounds much better even without the trudging and tiresome Jay Chou RnB riffs and beats. If there’s any consolation, there’s no Little Durian Star in the video. That’s Your Singapore for you.

 

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Filed under: 2010, Campaigns/Elections, Local music/bands, Music/music videos | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

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