Singapore Shiok ad makes Caucasian look like a schmuck

Posted on April 28, 2013 by gdy2shoez

From ‘Singapore Shiok, or just silly?’, 28 April 2013, article by Nicholas Yong, Sunday Times

First, Singapore was marketed as uniquely itself as a tourist destination. Then, it became yours. Now, it is “shiok” too. The Singapore Tourism Board’s (STB) latest marketing video on YouTube revolves around the Singlish expression – derived from the Malay word “syok”, which means nice – for extreme pleasure. Cold ice kacang on a hot day? Shiok. The adrenaline rush of sky-diving? Shiok! Being massaged at a posh spa? Shhh…iok.

…In the Singapore video, a Caucasian man struggling to pronounce “shiok” – defined helpfully on screen as “a Singaporean expression denoting extreme pleasure or the highest quality” – opens the clip. When he finally succeeds, his Singaporean friends applaud him…Branding expert Tim Clark, a Briton in his 60s, thinks “using the local language to help visitors to connect with a country is a good thing”.

…Professor Gemma Calvert, a British professor at NTU’s Institute for Asian Consumer Studies, agrees with Mr Clark that the video makes the featured foreigner struggling to pronounce “shiok” look “a bit of a shmuck“. She says: “The phrase isn’t particularly difficult to pronounce and therefore may come across as slightly patronising to outsiders. As a Caucasian myself, I admit I cringed to some extent at the representation portrayed by this particular individual.”

…Creative director Hanson Ho, in his 30s, of H55 studio also notes: “‘Shiok’ is sometimes expressed somewhat artificially in certain scenes, making it seem quite unnatural.” For instance, having a little boy whisper “shiok” at the sight of zoo animals at the Night Safari seemed to be stretching it a little.

…Lawyer Samantha Ong, 31, wonders if the video could have varied its local vocabulary a little. “There’s a serious overuse of the word ‘shiok’ that’s kind of cheesy and annoying,” she says of the yelled, purred and breathed incarnations in the video.

“Aren’t there other ‘uniquely Singapore’ words or ways to express pleasure, such as ‘sedap’ or ‘ho chiak’ (delicious in Malay and Hokkien)?”

Shiok

By attempting to globalise the word and sell it to visitors, ‘Shiok’ has become as problematic as ‘Lah’: Both also ‘ANYHOW use one’. If a kid exclaimed to me that watching animals in a zoo is ‘shiok!’ I would instantly correct him that he should have used the more generic ‘Wahh’ instead. I may even tolerate the Americanised ‘Awesome’ or ‘Whoa!’. Other scenes where the use of shiok is exaggerated and unnatural include Singaporeans showing off their shopping haul, ‘shioking’ at a club, or marvelling at the LV island in MBS. A simple ‘Wow’ or ‘Niiice’ wouldn’t stick as well, but these poor examples of shiok are as misplaced as getting locals to yell ‘Yahoo’ or ‘Yippee’ while exhibiting ‘extreme pleasure’, though ‘yahoo’ is something I often say in my head with an imaginary fist-pump whenever I manage to board an MRT train during peak hour.

Singaporeans also tend to be bad teachers of their own beloved lingo. When UK boyband The Wanted popped by to perform, fans cheered when they said ‘Singaporean girls are SHIOK’. Totally wrong and even demeaning in today’s context, but the fans don’t care, and this mistake will be perpetuated to every celebrity the world over, who’ll pepper their concerts with forced Singlish like ‘You’re such a SHIOK audience, LAH’. Ugh.

Screen Shot 2013-04-28 at 8.12.39 AM

When singer Demi Lovato was in town, DJ Divian Nair decided to teach her how to use shiok (like ‘awesome’) as a warm-up during an interview, with the superstar obliging with ‘I’m feeling shiok right now’. Lucky Divian. Maroon 5 frontman Adam Levine says Singapore is ‘like, TOTALLY SHIOK’. Neither of these Caucasians has difficulty pronouncing the word, which is like replacing the C in Coke with Sh- (unless you want to be picky and insist that there should be a ‘-yee-ok’ sound). We seem to have an obsession with trying to get foreigners to speak Singlish with the same sadistic enthusiasm as teasing a kitten with a laser pointer. It may well be pride on our part to promote Singlish, but it does make a sporting goon out of non-Singaporeans when they mutilate it, be it shiok, lah or ‘Ho-Say’.

The worst abuse of shiok, however, comes from our Board of Censors. In 1999, when they found the use of ‘Shagged’ in the movie title Austin Powers:The Spy who Shagged Me objectionable, they proposed to replace the offensive word to the verb-form ‘SHIOKED’, as in The Spy who SHIOKED me, which would suggest to those unfamiliar with Singlish that shiok is a euphemism for the F-word. Thanks to our authorities, IMDB now thinks that shioked means ‘to be treated nicely’. If they had really pulled the title edit off, this ad, with the zoo kid whispering a potentially foul word into Daddy’s ear, wouldn’t exist. Max George from the Wanted would have said: ‘I’m here to Shiok some Singapore Girls’. To some cheers still.

Screen Shot 2013-04-28 at 10.20.59 AM

Yet, it’s not so simple defining when exactly shiok should be used. It’s like trying to teach someone when to use ‘lah’, ‘leh’ and ‘lor’. We have been known to use it in various contexts outside of food from which I believe it originally evolved (Humorist Paik Choo described ‘shiok’ mee rebus in a 1979 ST article). Enjoying rainy weather, lying on a hard cold floor on a blistering hot day or even sprawling out on a king-size bed in a hotel room may qualify as ‘shiok’ activities today. It’s often an interjection ejaculated reflexively, like the opposite of ‘Ouch’, and preceded by a period of anticipation or suffering, specific to a relatively quick, pleasurable stimulus. Nobody goes to a club and yells ‘SHIOK’ while dancing, nor experiences shiok-ness after staring at a fancy floating building for minutes. A massage after a long day? Shiok. A hot bath after a marathon? Lagi shiok! But saying ‘Singapore is SHIOK’? GET LOST LAH.

About these ads

Filed under: 1970s, 2013, Advertisements, Censors, Foul language, It Should Have Been.., Local food, Singlish/Broken english, Tourists | Tagged: , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

The disappearing of our hawker heritage

Posted on April 1, 2013 by gdy2shoez

From ‘Real chance of hawker heritage disappearing if young do not step up’, 1 April 2013, article by David Ee, ST

There is a real possibility that Singapore may one day lose its rich hawker heritage if the next generation of Singaporean hawkers do not replace our current veterans.

Minister for the Environment and Water Resources Vivian Balakrishnan acknowledged this at the inaugural Partners Forum on Monday which was attended by about 200 participants from schools, non-governmental organisations and businesses. Participants were invited at what is likely to be annual affair to talk about ways to build a sustainable and gracious Singapore.

“It’s easy to build (new hawker) centres,” he said. “But the key challenge is to find enough Singaporeans who’d be willing to enter this profession, which is a difficult, challenging one.”

The only sexy hawker in town

In a TNP commentary on a 22 year old female professional happily marrying a chicken rice seller, reporter Benita Aw Yeong quipped:

I grew up conditioned to believe that the path to success and financial security follows years of slogging in school followed by a degree and a good job in a posh office. Not sweating it out with my spouse in a hawker centre.

I’m not looking for a trophy boyfriend or husband, but introducing a blue-collar boyfriend to friends and family is a worrying prospect.

If you’ve a knack for hawkering, willing to work long hours and make the best bak chor mee in the land, there is no question that the job will earn you a decent living as your own boss, but if the above statement is to be believed, you should also be prepared to remain single for the rest of your life. Perhaps it’s not so much the hardship factor that drives young Singaporeans away from a trade that was once associated with the underprivileged and poor, but that it’s just not ‘glamorous’ enough. If a Singaporean child shows signs of displaying the slightest interest in frying char kway teow, the typical parent would stow away his masak-masak kits and hook him up to a plastic stethoscope instead.

It’s not the first time that the government has tried to instill some prestige into hawkers. In 1989, stallholders received a laughable call to ‘dress up’ and were warned that the wearing of attire such as shorts, singlets, slippers and wooden clogs should no longer be the accepted norm. There were even suggestions of a standard uniform to project a ‘good image’, believing that if a hawker comes to you dressed like the butler of the mansion holding a bowl of  fishball noodles, your kid would want to be like him too. It wasn’t like this in the 1970′s, when the government felt that policies to promote hawking amid throes of unemployment such as licence subsidies resulted in ‘many able bodied young men’ pursuing hawking as a full-time job rather than being more productive elsewhere. Today, these same young men are being seduced by the Ministry to keep hawker centres alive. It’s a little like our Stop at Two campaign, proof that the surefire way of killing an endearing part of our heritage is to have the government step in trying to save it.

Nothing screams romantic ‘blue-collar’ in pop culture like the hawker persona.  In Eric Khoo’s 1995 film Mee Pok Man, a humble hawker falls for a prostitute. 2000′s Chicken Rice War, about rival hawker families, was a self proclaimed parody of Romeo and Juliet. In countless local movies and dramas, the hawker character is often depicted as a slovenly, unshaven, bucktoothed, happy-go-lucky, simple-minded, Hokkien-spewing bumpkin with a white towel draped around his sweaty neck which doubles up as a fly swatter. If you’re the kind of girl who adores French and literature, you’re unlikely to find the man of your dreams flipping carrot cake off a greasy wok.

By typecasting hawkers from movies to National Day videos, we’re comforting ourselves that despite our lust for progress, there are still those among us still holding on to local culinary traditions and skills handed down from one generation to another. But more importantly, hawker food is one of the few reasons people even visit Singapore, and we are goners if every single one of these became converted into air-conditioned food courts dishing out nothing but mixed economical rice. Or if the hokkien mee seller with the straw hat gets replaced by the ‘hawkerpreneur’ who mixes it up with French and Western influences. It’s not hawker fare anymore; it’s bargain fine dining. It explains Vivian Balakrishnan’s urgency about ‘hawkership’ dying off, a horn that he has been tooting ever since 2011 when he felt that hawker centres should be ‘professionalised’ to attract the younger generation. Till today, he has yet to sell the hawker profession to the Singaporean woman, who would willingly have a one-night stand with a buff carwash attendant, but not a man who comes to bed smelling like pork lard.

Filed under: 1980s, 2013, Hawkers, Local food, Money, Singaporean women | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

A quarter million IKEA meatballs sold in a day

Posted on March 9, 2013 by gdy2shoez

From ‘Almost 250,000 IKEA meatballs sold at 10 cents apiece yesterday’, 9 March 2013, Today online

Almost 250,000 meatballs were sold by IKEA yesterday at 10 cents apiece, as it marked the return of its meatballs at its Singapore stores. IKEA had stopped sales of its meatballs last week as a precautionary measure as it awaited DNA testing to confirm that IKEA meatballs sold here do not contain horse meat. This came after meatballs were pulled off IKEA menus in many parts of the world when it was discovered that IKEA meatballs in a European store had tested positive for horse meat.

The 249,375 meatballs sold by IKEA yesterday earned IKEA Singapore a place in the Singapore Book of Records for the ‘Most Number of Meatballs cooked and sold in a day’, according to a statement from IKEA Singapore.

For the whole of yesterday, 96,250 meatballs, weighing 1.54 tonnes, were sold in IKEA’s Alexandra store, while 153,125 meatballs, weighing 2.45 tonnes, were sold in its Tampines store.

Crowding with a chance of meatballs

According to a 2012 report, the average number of meatballs sold per day is 39,000, which makes the near 4 tonnes worth of 10 cent meatballs a SIXFOLD increase in a single day. From only TWO stores. You could create a meatball landslide with that amount, so imagine the avalanche that would result if the promotion had been on a WEEKEND. Who says Singaporeans don’t have ‘work-life balance’ when thousands can afford to queue up for meatballs on a workday? Many seem to have also forgotten that they once complained about the new recipe last year, when the balls were no longer as ‘firm’ as before. Doesn’t matter if taste or bounciness is compromised so long as it’s dirt cheap, so goes the Singaporean kiasuism mantra even if the meatballs were indeed tainted with horse, which frankly, is an animal that many locals don’t mind eating anyway. Along with mutton, it is one red meat that just about everyone can probably agree on. I, for one, would rather eat horse over, say, dog.

If there’s anything with an appetite for horse it would be our big cats at the Zoo, which in 1985 were fed with racehorse from our Turf Club. I wonder if we’d still gobble hundreds of millions of meatballs if it weren’t an equine scare but something more microscopic. Like faecal bacteria for example. It’s also a typically Singaporean trait to track such events as national record-busters in the form of the ‘Singapore Book of Records’. Being tiny as we are, breaking an island-wide record by blowing up mediocre activities to ridiculous scales doesn’t seem like a big deal. Unlike more impressive feats like ‘World’s Tallest Building’ or ‘World’s Strongest 2 year old’ where one showcases incredible feats of engineering, talent or strength, you have stuff like ‘Largest Mass Crab Walk‘. All you need is an idea of doing something so pointless no one ever thought of replicating it and hundreds of willing volunteers in a bid for charity or dying for silly exercise.

Some records are stating the obvious, like the Largest Garden (Cue the Largest number of people saying ‘Duuh’ at the same time). It’s also the Most Expensive Garden in Singapore (strangely the billion dollar price tag isn’t recorded). The most inexplicable record in my opinion: The most number of NON-SIKHs putting on Patkas together. Is there a ‘Most Non-Indians flipping Roti Prata’ or ‘Most number of Non-Chinese hurling Hokkien vulgarities’ too?

This is a record.

I could lead an event for most people twiddling thumbs at the same time and still earn a place in the book. In the IKEA horse scandal case, all you need to do is mark down an iconic cafeteria foodstuff till it’s almost free of charge, and your record-smashing accomplices will come without any coercion. Just to show how obsessed we are with food and scale, here’s a list of actual eating records from the SBR website. I swear none of these are made up. Singapore, you’ve totally outdone yourself this time. At this rate, we can probably achieve not just a Singapore Record, but a WORLD record for Most Fat people Stuffing their Mouths at one time too. In the meantime, the records keep snowballing – or rather – meatballing.

  • Largest number of people drinking herbal soup at the same time (600 bowls)
  • Largest Taiyaki (5,555 pieces)
  • Longest Swiss Roll (89.5 m)
  • Most mooncakes produced in one location (15,915 pieces)
  • Most people eating ice cream at the same time (1558 people)
  • Longest line of Roti John (32.3 m)
  • Most people eating chili crab together (431)
  • Most people eating hot dogs together (652)

The last one looks set to be broken if someone finds horse in IKEA’s weiners. 10 cent hotdogs anyone?

Filed under: 2012, 2013, Local food, Long Queues | Tagged: , | Leave a Comment »

Police report filed against Diaoyu Dao cafe

Posted on December 25, 2012 by gdy2shoez

From ‘Agencies to probe cafe over name’, 25 Dec 2012, article by Melissa Lin, ST

BARELY two months after opening for business, a cafe at Peace Centre – called Diao Yu Dao – has come to the attention of at least three agencies for its name linked to islands whose ownership is disputed by Japan and China. The agencies are the Advertising Standards Authority of Singapore (Asas), the Accounting and Corporate Regulatory Authority (Acra) and the police.

…The Sophia Road cafe, with an adjoining bakery, opened in October and sells Hong Kong fare like bolo bun and roasted meat. On the shop’s signboard are the words Diao Yu Dao, accompanied by a picture of the islands…The eatery’s walls are adorned with over 30 framed graphics, maps and photographs related to the islands, as well as information about the islands’ history and the dispute over their ownership.

The cafe owners are believed to be a couple, both Chinese Singaporeans. They could not be reached for comment.

Dr Tan Sze Wee, chairman of Asas, which regulates signboards and advertisements, said it will be investigating the cafe for possible infringement of the Singapore Code of Advertising Practice.

A clause in the code states: “Advertisements should not adopt or encourage a confrontational approach to resolving societal conflicts or differences. Advertisements should not exploit or fuel conflicts relating to national problems and controversial policies or issues.”

…The police said a report had been lodged and they are “looking into the matter”. It is understood the issue is related to the cafe’s name. An Acra spokesman said the cafe was registered under the name Onion Restaurant and Bar Pte Ltd.

Fishing for trouble

In a Nov MyPaper article, Diaoyu Dao cafe reportedly displayed a signboard bearing the words ‘Protect Diaoyu Dao’ (see image above), which is the kind of protest publicity that would rile both the authorities and Senkaku sympathisers. You can also find such call to arms on banners adorning vessels sailing around the disputed islands.

Naturally, someone thought this matter was serious enough to have the police come check it out, in case the eatery is really a front for an island-defending ultranationalist rebel Resistance and that its PRC chefs would one day decide to hold demonstrations on top of Peace Centre like their fellow countrymen staging illegal ‘crane-ins’. You know, like in Allo Allo.

The brainchild and boss behind Diaoyu is supposedly a ‘Chinese Singaporean’ in his 60′s according to cafe manager Jeffrey Ng, someone who could either be a Chinese patriot turned Singaporean or a Singaporean-born Chinese chauvinist. Or he could be a Darwin-reading naturalist raising funds to protect the ecological and geological diversity of the islands. It certainly doesn’t seem like a shop that specialises in seafood contrary to what most Singaporeans who haven’t heard of the islands dispute would imagine. Instead, you have dishes like roast duck rice served with LETTUCE. If you’re being enticed by a wall display of ocean panoramas and desolate islands, you’d be expecting fresh oyster hors d’ouevres, not bolo baos.

Naming a diner after a ‘fishing island’ when it sells duck and char siew is like calling an all-you-can-eat carnivorous grilled meats spread ‘The Meadow’ – it’s just misleading advertising. Choosing a ‘theme’ that reeks of insensitive propaganda brings to mind another unfortunate bar named after a WWII holocaust camp. Public display of politically charged banners and other peoples’ national flags are a no-no of course, though that hasn’t stopped people from putting up China flags outside HDB flats.

Funny how a name like Diaoyu Dao would get us all worked up and the police involved, when no one is complaining about another pub that calls itself Coq and Balls. I bet it’s not a place to go if you’re craving for roast chicken. If you’re going there expecting Magic Mike or some hot gay action, prepare to be disappointed. You may still try your luck during their Xmas bash tonight, though. It’s called Ra-Pa-Bum-Bum.

The balls of this Gastropub!

Filed under: 2012, Advertisements, Local food, Names, Nightspots, Police officers, PRCs | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Health ministry banning unhealthy food ads for kids

Posted on October 28, 2012 by gdy2shoez

From ‘Ban on ads that drive kids to unhealthy food’, 28 Oct 2012, article by Salma Khalik, Sunday Times

Advertisements that make unhealthy food and drinks appealing to children will be banned from early next year as part of Singapore’s battle against obesity. Topping the list of ads likely to be affected are those for sweet drinks and fast food high in oil and salt.

Announcing this yesterday, Health Minister Gan Kim Yong said the action is not targeted at specific brands, but at unhealthy food. The move is an important initiative, he added, because eating habits are formed at a relatively young age. Singapore is also seeing a steady rise in obesity rates.

…Mr Gan said the restrictions on ads targeting children will start with television programmes and children’s magazines. Asked if ads for unhealthy food at bus stops near schools would also be affected, he said the ban could be expanded to other forms of advertising later.

I think it’s pretty obvious who this ban is directed at, though the criteria of ‘unhealthy food’ here is rather vague. You hardly ever see ads for ‘healthy, fat-free organic’ food, only because it’s the foods that tempt and kill you slowly that companies can afford to advertise on TV. You don’t see Campbell’s selling Cream of Broccoli to children, though some would argue that canned vegetable soup with its high sodium isn’t exactly ‘healthy’ either.

Let’s start with the traditional culprits, and this global conglomerate needs no introduction. They are, after all, the ones who associate kids’ combi meals with ‘happiness’. Many parents would even use them as a ruse to motivate their kids into studying for exams. You don’t see Mummy telling her kid ‘If you finish your homework I’ll make you some delicious wholemeal pasta with peas and carrots!’. Come on, they want their Hot Cakes and they want it now.

The above ad casts fast food as a comforter for disappointment, an emotional crutch, and that alone is a powerful psychological tool. Ads, however, are just one brute way of getting kids to eat Macs. The company also has the power to fulfill our kids’ wildest dreams, like sending them to the Olympic games as ‘Champions of Play’. The Health Ministry has NO IDEA who they’re dealing with. The corporate geniuses at Macs saw ad bans coming miles away, and their quest for kid domination began with a clown with red hair and a purple lump called Grimace.

Like Macs, KFC also espouses ‘family values’ (see below). But maybe it’s not so much the KIDS that fast food giants are targetting. It’s their helpless PARENTS. And grandparents. By the way, KFC porridge has popcorn chicken inside. Old folks with heart problems better watch out.

Ads for soft drinks, however, have recently been focussing on older youth, especially those who skateboard or shuffle on the streets. Presumably this demographic isn’t as susceptible to tooth enamel loss as our soda guzzling toddlers. Sugary carbonated drinks have suffered a bad rep for its visible effect on teeth. Fats, salt and oils however, don’t manifest until years later and are effectively ‘invisible’ threats. Which is why you don’t see many kids in ads loading themselves with Coke and Pepsi, though that’s not stopping them from picking up Kinder Buenos from the supermarket aisles, you know, the ones that come with the FREE TOYS. Oreos, in particular, are notorious for promoting family togetherness, even making a trademark out of the way you lick and dip one, one that can be passed down from father to son like a heirloom.

Sometimes you don’t need specific brands to subliminally encourage kids to eat fatty food. You just need a cute duck and a ketchup dip (which may not be very healthy either). This ad is a personal favourite of mine; It makes me want to add ketchup to anything. Sliced bread, rice, even baked beans.

But as with all things, there are of course grey areas, foods which claim ‘nutritional value’ but never ever mention how much hidden sugar, salt and calories they contain. Whether fortified with Vitamin C, protein or calcium, it’s hard to crack down on foods ‘bursting with goodness’ even though they still make you fat in the long run: ‘You can’t ban my Minute Maid for Kids ad! How else will children get their Vitamin C!’

Let’s begin with stuff you glob over sliced bread.

The tactic here is to bank on the fact that breakfast is the MOST IMPORTANT meal of the day, and your kids HAVE to eat something no matter what. Skippy is also marketed as some sort of ADHD reliever, calming the hyperactive kid down while dosing him with chunky peanut butter. Our parents are too busy to prepare wholemeal bread with lettuce, tomatoes and boiled chicken mash or squeezing fresh orange juice, and companies selling processed spreads and beverages know that ALL ALONG.

Boy, that kinda rules out almost EVERYTHING, does it. There’s still hope for cereal or fruit juice you ask? Or is there? Cococrunch is not only a ‘nutritious breakfast cereal’, it keeps your kid ‘active in school’ (so that they can pass their PSLE). The ad doesn’t tell you what happens if you eat it EVERYDAY, with FULL CREAM milk. They’re Big Cereal, for goodness sake. Of course they want you to eat it everyday. Your kids’ performance in school depends on it. I doubt the Ministry is cruel enough to take Tony the Tiger off the air. Not a ‘Greeaaaat’ move. It’s like killing off Superman.

How about this Marigold ad promoting fruit juice INSTEAD of actual fruits? Someone actually wrote in the Today paper to complain about this too. When was the last time you saw a Sunkist orange ad? You know, that round thing that you need to peel? With your hands?

And who could bear censoring Ribenaberries? These lovable creatures only exist in the TV universe. Technically one could argue that they’re not aiming specifically at kids, but who else would appreciate Ribenaberries, or talking fruits, other than kids?

There’s only so much you can do to stop kids from getting fat. Companies will compensate for the revenue loss by making their packaging more attractive to children, or tying in with toys like Hello Kitty or movie superheroes. Cinemas will continue to sell popcorn and soft drinks without leaving movie-goers much of a choice when we bring the kids to watch Madagascar. The greatest sinner of all, in my opinion, even if they never directly targetted children, was the use of the Avengers to promote the Double Down burger. By Thor’s Hammer, this grisly abomination is bacon between two fillets of heart attacks! You’d become the permanent size of the Hulk in no time.

This is heartening baby-steps taken by our new Minister of Health, but I believe it’s encouraging an active lifestyle that matters more than controlling what and how people eat, and in order for kids to play in the sun more, you probably need them to do less homework (MOE, don’t you dare think this has NOTHING to do with you). Clamping down on direct to consumer ads is just severing the scalp of one hydra; the authorities need to reverse the emotional grapple-hold that fast food giants have on the dreams and fantasies of children and their parents. As long as there are fast food sponsored children’s charities, irresistibly cute mascots and kids being conferred with ambassadorial duties as a Macs spokesperson, our kids will remain slaves to a fast food nation, and continue to ‘upsize’ while at it.

Filed under: 2012, Advertisements, Kids, Local food, Politicians | Tagged: , , , | 3 Comments »

Liquid nitrogen cocktails not relevant anymore

Posted on October 21, 2012 by gdy2shoez

From ‘Liquid nitrogen cocktails passe’, 21 Oct 2012, article by Melissa Kok, Sunday Lifestyle.

…In Singapore, liquid nitrogen cocktails – a popular novelty beverage two to three years ago – seem to be hard to find these days. SundayLife! contacted several leading bars and restaurants believed to have served cocktails prepared with liquid nitrogen but they said they had stopped serving such drinks a while ago, or had never served them.

The Tippling Club in Dempsey Hill used to serve cocktails that were chilled with liquid nitrogen instead of ice to keep flavours potent, such as their nitro-chilled dry martini, back in 2008. But its general manager Marcus Boyle, 30, says it stopped serving such cocktails about a year ago, long before the UK case happened because there was “basically no relevance” anymore.

…Mixologists use liquid nitrogen in small doses to keep cocktails chilled. Of course, there is also the novelty factor in serving a drink with swirls of white vapour wafting from the cocktail glass. Mr Mac Lee, 54, honorary president for the Association of Bartenders & Sommeliers Singapore, says bartenders here are not required to undergo formal training or be certified to serve drinks containing liquid nitrogen. In fact, he says many mixologists who incorporate the chemical in cocktails are self-taught or learn the art from fellow bartenders.

However, experienced bartenders say such cocktails are safe to drink, as long as the bartender is familiar with the chemical properties of liquid nitrogen, and knows how to prepare and serve it with care.

…It is unclear which government agency regulates the use of such chemicals in the preparation of food and beverage items. The National Environment Agency, which regulates food and beverage outlets, did not respond to SundayLife!’s queries by press time.

A spokesman for the Agri-Food and Veterinary Authority of Singapore, which oversees food safety, says nitrogen gas is a permitted food additive under the Food Regulations.

Heaven in a glass literally sends you to Heaven

The death-defying thrill that comes with consuming industrial refrigerants may lead to a comeback of the ‘nitro’ alcoholic beverage. Liquid nitrogen is the ‘fugu’ of alcoholic drinks, except that I would rather trust a certified chef who has trained for years dissecting poisoning fish than someone who claims to be a ‘molecular mixologist’ who may not even know offhand how many protons, neutrons and electrons the Nitrogen atom contains (I know it’s number 7 on the Periodic Table).  A ‘molecular mixologist’ sounds more accomplished than a ‘chemist’, though the closest the mixologist has probably come to conducting a proper science experiment is seeing litmus paper turn from blue to pink. He may not blow up a lab, but a novice may feed you something that will probably explode your intestines, like what almost happened to Gaby Scanlon. It would be the perfect way of assassinating someone important at a cocktail party.

Liquid nitrogen infused drinks is more spectacle than science, and I have to admit it looks pretty cool in a Sorcerer’s Apprentice sort of way. Who wouldn’t be tempted to sip from a glass that has chilly fumes swirling out of it? A smoky drink is mysterious, magical and alchemical all at the same time, and has been portrayed in fable and pop culture as Pandora’s elixir. If Man weren’t attracted to misty potions, Dr Jekyll wouldn’t have turned into Mr Hyde, witches would have nothing to brew, a ‘cauldron’ would just be a big ‘pot’ and Harry Potter would have been shortened to 3 movies instead of 7.

A life-changing aperitif

But can’t you achieve the same effect with dry ice, you say? Solid carbon dioxide has a sublimation point of -78.5 degrees Celsius, while liquid nitrogen ‘boils’ at -196 degrees, but I believe eating both can kill you anyway. Dry ice is probably cheaper, since you could get it for free whenever you buy ice-cream cakes from Swensens, and in fact some mixologists do use it for the same ‘misty’ effect. City Space’s resident ‘cocktail ARCHITECT’ uses dry ice in his ‘Bubble Tea’ concoction, which creates a ‘bubbling effect’ as well as keeping the cocktail chilled. (Side note: I’m quite a good sandwich ‘architect’ myself. I stack layers of food between bread without my ‘work’ collapsing). Not sure how safe this is, but you can get ‘burned’ as easily from biting cold as scorching heat. More ‘Bubble Lava’ than ‘Bubble Tea’, I think. The F1 in 2008 brought us TURBO SHOTS, which consists of ‘grenadine syrup, Midori, Baileys and vodka served with dry ice’. The only thing ‘turbo’ about this is how soon it’ll get you to the AnE if you gulp it down a bit too hastily.

Such an ‘experimental’ approach to the once humble profession of bartending gives new meaning to the term ‘cutting edge’ when you risk perforating your stomach. Bartenders no longer wipe glasses with the towel around their necks or discuss football with customers when they’re not preparing drinks, they’re toying with ‘flavour-enhancing’ inert gases and Frankenstein goo with fancy instruments modelled after those used in Dr Evil’s cryogenic laboratory. They’re taking the phrase ‘too cool for school’ rather too literally.

Soon they’ll be wearing labcoats instead of bowties, naming their bars after gas scientists like Robert Boyle (the Tippling club’s GM is called Marcus BOYLE. Coincidence?) or Fritz Haber, and instead of being the surrogate uncle that you can confide about marriage problems they’ve become as aloof as nuclear scientists at an alternative energy convention. If you’re the kind of mixologist who would rather play it safe but still wants loads of attention from the ‘It’ crowd, you can wow them by ‘garnishing’ your creations with expensive pretty jewels instead. Drinking the Jewel of Pangaea does seem pretty shameless of you, but at least you wouldn’t end up like the bad robot from Terminator 2 below:

Nothing like liquid nitrogen to break the ice

There haven’t been reports of people here having their guts ripped apart by dangerous cocktails so far, though bartenders playing fast and loose with chemicals and describing themselves as ‘architects’, ‘mixologists’ or  ‘consultants’ needs to be looked into. How about a ‘cocktail pharmacologist/chemist’ for a change, you know, someone who actually knows what is safe enough to entertain your taste buds but not toxic enough to send you to hospital?  What’s wrong with being a good ol’ fashioned blue-collar bartender like Ted Danson’s Sam from Cheers, a man who handles beer mugs and not test tubes and liquid nitrogen generators that look like high-end ice-kacang machines? A man who’s committed to serving you an actual drink and not an entry for a primary school science competition?

Cheers to non-smoky beer

Tippling Club’s Nitro Martini has been described as a ‘nice’ punch in the face. If I wanted that feeling I’d run into a wall without having to pay a single cent. A variation of the Tiger Crystal beer cocktail ‘cooked’ with liquid nitrogen is supposed to deliver a ‘mega brain freeze’. Purveyors relish such frosty drinks as BDSM fans enjoy having hot wax dripped down their nether regions. I would never trust anything that is described as ‘cooked’ in quotation marks. It’s like drinking ‘chlorinated’ water, or driving a ‘safe’ car. Unless you’re into that sort of thing, like the JACKASS crew.  Perhaps this little medical nugget will turn people off liquid nitrogen for good: It’s often used for the removal of GENITAL WARTS. So before your dip your nose in a ‘little bit of heaven’, think of the crackling fizz that comes with the application of the same ingredient to mushroom-like growths around someone’s anus.

If you want the kick of a brain freeze without losing a vital organ, have a Mr Slurpee instead.

Filed under: 2012, Bureaucrats, Clubs, Local food, Nightspots | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

No peeling of pineapples allowed in Geylang Serai market

Posted on October 1, 2012 by gdy2shoez

From ‘Fruit sellers upset over NEA regulation’, 1 Oct 2012, article by Eunice Toh, TNP

…Fruit sellers at the market said they were verbally warned by a National Environment Agency (NEA) officer on Thursday last week that they are not allowed to skin or cut the pineapples they sell. They said they were told that anyone who violates the regulation would be slapped with a fine, believed to be $200.

The New Paper understands that the move is part of licensing regulations. Stallholders at markets are not licensed to sell peeled or cut fruits. These can only be sold at hawker centres and coffee shops under a different licence, and you need to go through the Basic Food Hygiene Course to get it, says NEA on its website.

…The enforcement of the regulation means a loss of customers, said the fruit sellers at the Geylang Serai wet market. Said Mr Ng Ah Bee, 62, in Mandarin: “Have people fallen ill from eating my fruits? We haven’t received any complaints all these years. “How do we do business like this?”

…Regular patron C. C. Choo, who visits the Geylang Serai market every Tuesday, said: “I live at Changi Road and I come all the way to buy pineapples because the stallholders peel the fruit for me.” The 79-year-old retiree added: “I can’t even cut an apple. How am I supposed to peel a pineapple?”

Another customer shocked by the news was Madam Bebe Seet, 62. She said: “I thought the stallholder was joking at first. I couldn’t believe it.” She is also worried about how this would affect her 15-year-old business. She owns a Peranakan heritage shop along East Coast Road, which also sells pineapple tarts.

She said: “I usually order about 80 to 100 pineapples at one go. Pineapple tarts are my speciality. Where am I going to get cut pineapples now?”

It may just be a coincidence, but another ‘SEET’ complained to STOMP about being deprived of this ‘buang kulit’ service, though this person claimed that the fine was not $200, but $1000. There haven’t been cases of people dying of pineapple poisoning in recent memory, but there have been deaths from consuming rojak in Geylang Serai in 2009, that’s excluding 150 others who fell sick from it. Which may explain why NEA officers are picking on Geylang Serai stallholders rather than those in other markets, with its infamy of being the site of the WORST case of food poisoning in Singapore’s history. It was also a PR disaster for NEA, otherwise known for their rigorous maintenance of hygiene standards. And asking people to clear their trays after eating.

Leaving the skin on a fruit doesn’t necessarily mean it’s ‘cleaner’, as anyone who’s been to a supermarket and seen aunties probing fruit with their grubby fingers can testify. It would be interesting if someone decides to send a random unpeeled NTUC apple and a Geylang Serai peeled and cut pineapple for microbial testing. I wouldn’t be surprised to find the apple having a higher bacterial count than the doorknob of a People’s Park toilet, a result by which you can toss the NEA’s case against cut fruits out of the window. I haven’t personally peeled a pineapple myself, but from the looks of its hard, spiny exterior, I wouldn’t call it so much ‘peeling’ as it is ‘deshelling’. You’d probably need a blade sharp enough to pry a tortoise’s carapace off its back. If you force pineapple fans to bring these armoured fruits home WHOLE, they may end up contaminating the fruits themselves if not done in a surgical manner, with a chopper or on a chopping board that has remnants of raw meat on it. If you’re in a mad rush to prepare stacks of pineapple tarts for CNY however,  a chainsaw would be the only viable option.

So what does one make of this ‘Basic Food Hygiene Course’ then? Turns out it is 7 hours of training followed by 1.5 hours of ‘assessment’, which I’d imagine to be nothing more than a T/F or MCQ test. After which you’re a certified food handler, though that doesn’t stop creepy crawlies from finding their way into your dishes, whether you’re slogging it out at a wet market or a fancy restaurant. Unless the NEA can justify how a cut and sealed pineapple is more hazardous than a bunch of manhandled grapes in a supermarket, my take is that this crackdown is excessively erring on the side of caution than anything else, based on nothing more than a legacy of contaminated rojak, the kind of rojak that traditionally doesn’t use pineapple too.

Filed under: 2000s, 2012, Bureaucrats, Environment, Hawkers, Local food | Tagged: , , , , | 2 Comments »

Singaporeans will never give Gaw Yu Han a car

Posted on September 29, 2012 by gdy2shoez

From ‘Excuse me, can you buy me a sports car?’, 29 Sept 2012, article by Goh Shi Ting, ST

CALL him shameless or naive but a 20-year-old has sent more than 300 letters to the richest residents in Sentosa Cove asking for a “sports car sponsorship”. And as incredible as it may sound, he said 10 have responded to him within a week – though none has granted him his wish.

In a brief letter sent last Thursday, Mr Gaw Yu Han introduced himself, giving his name and age, before stating his purpose which was “the hope of finding a sponsor”. He said he likes cars and listed as his favourites Audi R8 Coupe, Mercedes-Benz SLS AMG and Honda CR-Z.

“May I have the courage to ask for a car as a gift from you?” he wrote. Owners of a Sentosa Cove property, he added, “must be a person of great success” and “it will be nice to know and perhaps learn from you”.

…”But I don’t like to ask my parents for money. I’d rather get a sponsorship,” said Mr Gaw, who has lived here for 13 years…”Anyway, I spent only five cents on a letter. And even if nobody offers a car, I can still make friends. It is important to network and have connections,” he said. “I don’t expect to give anything in return. What I can offer is casual friendship.”

So far, 10 Sentosa Cove residents, all Singaporeans, have contacted him, he claimed.

But they were more interested in finding out why he is doing this than buying him his dream car. One of them, a property developer known as Victor who owns two properties at Sentosa Cove, even arranged to meet him during the F1 race last Sunday and they chatted for 30 minutes, he told The Straits Times. Victor had asked about his background and even requested to see his identity card – but no promises were made.

“I could tell that he was not interested,” said Mr Gaw, who got his F1 ticket from an uncle.

“Singaporeans will never give me a car,” he said.

You’d probably have to forgive a 20 year old for trying to get something for nothing. After all, if Gaw could get a free F1 ticket, he may think that asking for a supercar is the next logical step. ‘Sponsorship’ doesn’t come cheap all the time. Gaw made no effort to justify why he’s entitled to a car, and without some sob story as a backdrop to emotionally manipulate the folks at Sentosa Cove, I don’t think his request would be entertained without the giver expecting something in return, something more than just ‘casual friendship’. I can only think of a few reasons why a lonely rich man would check the I/C of a 20 year old kid, in view of a number of rich people landing themselves in jail over underage sex. I don’t think the wealthy would want to associate themselves with LOSERS who go around begging people for stuff anyway. While I do agree that Singaporeans will NEVER give an able-bodied boy a car even if it were spare change to them, I doubt any self-respecting foreign billionaire would too. These people are rich, not STUPID. Gaw’s bid for a free car is as useful as sending letters to Santa’s elves in the North Pole, or wishing upon a falling star.

So how do you go about asking for a sponsorship and be successful without selling your kidney or your virginity? First, you have to be a popular female blogger with a flat chest. Qiu Qiu eventually got her wish for bigger cups fulfilled, though she later went back to normal ‘size’ and seems quite delighted with her ‘deflated’ self now. Or you could be a female blogger requesting for plastic surgery to boost your confidence like Peggy Heng.  But it’s all not just pretty girls with blogs that win the hearts and sympathy of the generous. Popular food blogger Bradley Lau (Lady Iron Chef) gets to dine at fancy restaurants for free too. Donors in these cases are rewarded with the gratification of their ‘sponsorship’ gone into fruition, whether it’s deeper cleavage, a prettier face, or a good word in a review. Anyone handing Gaw a powerful car risks being labelled the one responsible if he drives recklessly and kills people, himself included, in the process.

Gaw does not have the minimum reputation of a blogger, nor has he even made the effort to pitch a tragic life story of poverty and childhood abuse. You’re not going to achieve anything in life by just sending letters to rich people and hope for the best. And Sentosa Cove residents will not achieve anything in return by doing this guy a favour as insane as giving Osama Bin Laden a grenade launcher for his birthday. It’s an insult to the handicapped busking in underpasses, or anyone desperate for money with at least an ounce of TALENT to show for. So here’s some advice, Gaw: Start a blog, gain at least 1000 followers, spin some stories about being abused and bullied as a kid, that all your life you NEVER got a single birthday or Christmas present, or never even stepped into a car showroom, not to mention IKEA. And then maybe someone from Sentosa Cove, someone without the assumption that you’re soliciting something beyond casual friendship, someone perhaps just as NAIVE as you, someone who thinks handing a fast car to a mere kid is a good idea, may actually give a damn about your pathetic plea.

Filed under: 2000s, 2012, Bloggers, Local food, Money | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

Hawker centre tray return racks too smelly

Posted on September 16, 2012 by gdy2shoez

From ‘Why it’s difficult to return trays at hawker centres’ and ‘Tray clearing didn’t work previously because of poor facilities’, 15 Sept 2012, ST Forum

(Tan Ying San): THERE is a reason why patrons at fast-food restaurants such as McDonald’s or Burger King willingly return their trays while those at the hawker centres do not (“Tray-return campaign set for a comeback”; Wednesday).

In fact, patrons avoid seats near the tray-return racks at hawker centres. The reason is simple: Food at fast-food restaurants is dry while the food at hawker centres is a mish-mash of soup, fried vegetables, dark sauce and oily fish. Just look at the mess in the plastic basin where the used bowls and dishes are placed. Not only is it an ugly sight but it also smells sometimes.

If operators of hawker centres and foodcourts want patrons to return the trays, a big effort to clean up the collection centre will go some way in encouraging a change in behaviour.

(Tony Lee): PREVIOUS campaigns to encourage self-clearing of trays failed not only because of a lack of graciousness but also proper facilitation (“Tray-return campaign set for a comeback”; Wednesday).

Hawker centres are cramped with an average of 200 tables, with narrow passages in between. Thus it is already quite an effort to weave in and out of the crowds safely without spilling when carrying a tray of food and drinks to reach one’s selected table. Self-clearing of trays will also lead to congestion.

Even if most patrons were to clear the tables by returning their trays of empty plates and bowls to the shelves placed at various corners in the hawker centre, the cleaners will still be needed to sort them out and return them to the different stalls for washing. Patrons must also walk around to find empty tray shelves if those placed near popular food stalls are full.

What Will and Kate missed

While it is generally true that hawker food tends to be messier than fast food, if you take into account spillage or remnants like bones or leftover sauces, you could make the work easier for everyone by not WASTING food and taking less condiments than you need in the first place. You may also stack your bowls, plates and debris in a neat, compact manner instead of spitting bones onto the table. For whatever reason that makes it difficult for someone to return a tray, be it the stink of the collection centre, ‘congestion’, or ‘feeling bad’ for cleaners who need the job, the least you can do as a gracious human being is to leave your table in a state that wouldn’t require the next patron or worker to don rubber gloves and a decontamination suit to render it less hazardous to one’s health. Or at least not leave behind a sumptuous buffet for mynahs, crows and rats which will not only transfer the waste from tray to table to floor and chair, but poop in your unfinished wanton soup as well.

An exception to the above would be the Ikea cafe culture, where the food is equally messy but the collection centre is centrally located and accessible with a couple of cleaners on hand sorting things out. Maybe it’s not so ‘simple’ as just facilities or the kind of food you eat that determines one’s willingness to return a tray, but rather the psychology and habits of diners. I could just eat a piece of goreng pisang and leave the wrapper behind on the table even if there’s a empty, odourless trash can right next to me if I’m the sort of lazy bastard with a ‘maid mentality’. Also, hawker centre patrons are generally office workers in a rush, and if one had to queue for a longer time just to return trays compared to ordering ‘economical mixed rice’, then you may add another excuse to the list: My boss will kill me if I return back to office a minute late.

Even at Macs not everyone cleans up after themselves, and sometimes even the adults, including teachers of ‘brand name’ schools,  fail to set an example. I personally witnessed a mother telling her daughter to ‘leave it, wait you get your hands dirty’ and walked out of Macs without clearing their trays. Whether out of absent-mindedness, fear of contamination or just plain laziness, the greatest contagion here is not the spread of disease and vermin from uncleared trays, but the attitudes of parents and other ‘role models’ infecting our children.

There have been filthy tables as long as there were hawker centres, and amazingly in the eighties our communal sense of self-consciousness was not as developed as it is today (or maybe we just ran out of cleaners), with fingers being pointed at everything else (hawkers and cleaners included) than at ourselves. Popular spots like Newton Circus greeted patrons with a ‘pong of stewing offal and rotting swill’. People also asked the government to deploy ‘efficient ladies’ to clear tables immediately after anyone leaves.  Those who were part of that generation of sanitation expectation, including myself, are now flag bearers for the younger generation today. And if we don’t snap out of this dependence, how else will the kids learn?

So what can we do to drill tray-clearing into Singaporeans without resorting to toilet-training? Gentle reminders in ads and campaigns such as putting ‘Goodness Gracious’ stickers on tables are inadequate and a waste of time and money in my opinion. Fining failure to return trays under the same legislation as one penalises littering is too harsh. Instead of instilling fear, I think you’d need to create a herd mentality and exploit the Singaporean trait of ‘following the crowd’. If I’m at McDonalds and everyone around me suddenly walks off without clearing their trays, I’m less likely to clear mine, because EVERYONE else is not doing it. Likewise, if I’m at a hawker centre and I see Jenga stacks of dirty plates around me, my brain would register it as the ‘norm’ and I wouldn’t want to ‘stand out’ being the lone ranger clearing his tray.

I would suggest to NEA to recruit not tray ‘ambassadors’ or comedians in starched officer uniform to tell people off, but ‘actors’ instead to dish out some serious guerilla-tactic mind games. This is how I imagine it would work: Target families tucking into dinner in a hawker centre, making sure they are kids in the group. Deploy an ‘actor’ family (with kids as well) next to your target and make sure you finish your food before them. Make the kid actor walk off without the tray while the rest have already started carrying theirs. Make the adult actors admonish the kid ‘Boy boy, what are you supposed to do after you finish your food?’. As the kid does so grudgingly, have the adults deal a little life lesson on being compassionate to fellow human beings and give direction to tray collection areas. Make sure all this is seen and heard without sounding like you’re in Jack Neo film. Chances are your target and those around them will follow suit in a chain reaction of tray clearing. Better still, secretly film the entire scene and upload on Youtube. Like the mini fly haven of a landfill that is the hawker centre tray collection centre, it will go VIRAL.

Hello, NEA are you listening, I’m trying to have CONVERSATION here.

Filed under: 2000s, 2012, Bureaucrats, Campaigns/Elections, Environment, Hawkers, Local food | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Jewel of Pangaea most expensive cocktail in Asia

Posted on September 15, 2012 by gdy2shoez

From ‘Local club unveils Asia’s most expensive drink’, 15 Sept 2012, article by Nicholas Yeo, Today online.

Local club Pangaea and luxury jeweller Mouawad unveiled Asia’s most expensive cocktail at an exclusive showcase at Marina Bay Sands on Friday evening. The drink, dubbed “The Jewel of Pangaea“, costs S$32,000 a glass, and is targeted at a rarefied clientele that enjoys the art of cocktail mixing.

The Jewel of Pangaea is mixed by award-winning master mixologist Mr Ethan Leslie Leong, who has over 18 years of experience in the industry and is reknown for his work as director of bar operations at the Maison Ikkoku cocktail bar on Kandahar Street. The cocktail is infused with gold-flecked Hennessey brandy, a hickory smoke-infused sugar cube, 1985 vintage Krug champagne and garnished with a Mouawad Triple X 1-carat diamond.

…At the event, Leong prepared the drink for the first time and presented it to Ms Sabrina Ault, owner and creative director of Pangaea. She said, “The Jewel of Pangaea is not just a drink, it’s an experience – the spirit of Pangaea in a glass.”

The ‘spirit’ of MBS elite club Pangaea is of course the appreciation of the finer things in life in the most obscenely exorbitant manner possible. Opened in 2010, this exclusive lounge is not ashamed to admit their preference for ‘the well-travelled and discerning set, celebrities, CREATIVE types, models and, of course, the rich and famous’ as their clientele. In their mission statement, not only do they aim to be the most ‘thrilling’ ultra lounge in the world, they also cater to those who only ask for the very best, meaning if you ‘drive a Ferrari’ or ‘fly a private jet’. For a brand that makes reference to a prehistoric super-continent, the appeal of Pangaea is anything but Stone Age, though someone like me who wouldn’t meet their criteria of an ideal customer  may be barred from entering for resembling too closely a Flintstone. I suspect Pangaea is not so much about the element of ‘jetsetting’ than it describing the age of some of the stuff they put into cocktails to justify the ridiculous prices.

One could make any beverage cost 30k by ‘garnishing’ it with expensive jewellery, even if precious stones add no flavour whatsoever to a cocktail. You could surprise your spouse on your wedding anniversary with a diamond ring tucked within the mint leaves of her Mojito and declare that it was the most expensive drink on the menu, provided she doesn’t choke on it first.  Gold flakes used to be something people adorn their clothes , hair or love letters. If you’re a Pangaea regular however, you eat precious metal just for the sake of eating it, not that it’s tasty or nutritious, but because you could afford it. I bet Pangaea’s toilet rolls are lined with cashmere from albino mountain goats and you wash your hands or flush with ‘sparkling’ water imported from the Alps. Even the complimentary nuts may be seasoned with the finest Baltic Sea Salt money can buy, and perhaps served in an oyster shell complete with mother-of-pearl. What’s missing is just the stack of dollar bills for you to light your vintage cigars with.

A ‘mixologist’ is a fancy term for an ‘accomplished bartender’, where you create your own award-winning drinks instead of sticking to a bar menu. It’s like how an ‘illusionist’ is more celebrated than a parlour-trick magician. Take away the accessories from the Jewel and you’re left with a sweetened champagne-brandy mix, nevermind that something as simple as a flaming sugar cube is described as if it were Peking duck. Of course, you can’t leave any simple ingredient unnamed without some history and scarcity behind it. A Mint leaf has to be ‘Louisville grown’, and your ice must be sourced from a 10,000 year old glacier (FACT!). Your blackcurrants must come from the FOREST, your honey from WILDFLOWERS, and somewhere in that ‘infusion’ must be an extract of some BARK. No wonder you have names like Pangaea; the ingredients are stuff our foraging cavemen ancestors used to pick too.

‘Jewel’ also appears to be inspired by the 35,000-pound  ‘Flawless’ drink served at uber-rich club Movida in 2007, which contains gold leaf, Cristal Rose champagne, Louis XII cognac and a white diamond ring at the bottom. No it’s not an ‘experience’ in a glass, it’s a rich-man’s aquarium in a glass. If I wanted a diamond ring I’ll go to a jewellery shop, rather than via the round-about way of getting my hands on it only after poisoning my liver with spirits named after dead French emperors and swallowing gold at a snobs’ party where you can’t tell if someone has a genuine ‘stiff upper lip’ or one injected with collagen. But then again, time is what rich people have in spades anyway.

Jewellery-drinks are stupefyingly crass and an insult to beverage artisans who believe that the ‘finest ingredients’ don’t necessarily have to come from halfway around the world, or from the ground remains of some famous rapper’s gold dentures. The Jewel makes the Singapore Sling look like raspberry flavoured throat gargle in comparison, and although the price of it shouts ‘high-end’, it’s hard not to label this concoction as flashy and shallow, like a Playboy mansion party or a gaudy Las Vegas casino. You don’t need to be a mixologist to create something vulgar (but less costly) right in your kitchen: Get some brandy and champagne leftover from last year’s Xmas hamper, sprinkle in gula melaka, young coconut juice (YOUNG, mind you) and finish off by dropping your mother’s engagement ring into the bottom. Instant atas-ness achieved. Incidentally, there’s a luxury cocktail called ‘The Red Ruby’, which contains pomegranate liqueur, cognac, vodka, champagne and, you guessed it, an ACTUAL RUBY. I prefer mine with coconut milk, sago and chestnuts wrapped in gelatin.

Filed under: 2012, Casino/gambling, Clubs, Local food | Tagged: , , , , , | 1 Comment »

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