MBS like a space-age surfboard

From ‘The world’s ugliest hotels’, 3 Dec 2012, article in Relax, asiaone.

British newspaper The Telegraph has named the world’s top 20 ugliest hotels and Singapore’s Marina Bay Sands (MBS) has found its way into the list. It ranked the 55-storey hotel at No. 5 and said that the views from the hotel’s observation deck may be awesome, but not the other way round when others look at it.

“It resembles some kind of space-age surfboard,” said the report.

There were five Asian hotel properties in the list, including North Korea’s 105-storey Ryugyong Hotel, which recently announced that it will open next year, more than 20 years after its exterior was completed.

Some readers found it hard to believe that the integrated resort – which has been widely hailed an architectural marvel – was in the list. Reacting to the list, one netizen a local online forum said he did not care much for the exterior of the buildings, as long as the hotel delivered good customer service and room interiors are nice.

MBS also happens to be the world’s most expensive surfboard, costing $7.3 billion to build, not to mention a megaproject plagued by delays. Other reviewers of the three-pillared design were less scathing; some referred to the Skypark as ‘Noah’s Ark’. Budget Travel ranked it among the 11 new hotel ‘wonders’, with its ‘cruise ship’ forever suspended in mid-air. Fengshui masters were divided on the design, some reminded of ‘a scholar’s hat‘, while others see death in its trio of ‘ancestral tablets’. Sci-fi fans would describe it as an alien starcraft nestled on top of three buildings, or a gangly tripod invader like a Star Wars Imperial Walker. The most interesting description in my opinion is that MBS resembles a wicket in CRICKET.

Stumped

Stumped

I wouldn’t be picky enough to describe MBS as an eyesore, but it does look awkward and appears to be more a smug demonstration of equilibrium in physics than anything remotely Buck Rogers or epic Gladiator. But here are some fun facts about a building that was once touted as a NATIONAL ICON: The headpiece that is the Skypark weighs 7000 tonnes, is longer than the Eiffel Tower is tall and you could even land 4 Jumbo Jets on it. MBS is also the site of a Japanese porno film shoot. If they had the chance they would even shoot a Godzilla movie here, except that Godzilla would be ‘hanging ten’ on our iconic ‘surfboard’ instead of bashing our Airforce down with it.

The brainchild of MBS himself Moshe Safdie drew inspiration not from War of the Worlds or the Bible, but rather from the Roman Cardo Maximus, which sounds like a muscle group involved in aerobic exercise, or the name of a potbellied centurion in the Asterix comic books. The same architect is currently heading the ‘Bishan Residential Development’ project, which from artist’s impression images looks like a clash of Greek island living and something you could build in a handheld 8-bit Tetris game.

Bishan of the Future

Santorini meets Tetris

The Esplanade has its critics as well, but the ‘Durian’ has somehow grown on us. MBS is likely to remain lost in its ‘ugly’ ambiguity, either mocked as an incomplete traffic project (broken flyover), an alien-ship berth or an apparatus used in a sport nobody here ever plays. Perhaps we’d be more forgiving if it weren’t housing a casino.

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URA not impressed by Haji Lane shophouse graffiti

From ‘URA sees red over graffiti art on shophouse’, 24 Sept 2012, article by Jermyn Chow, ST

GRAFFITI on the wall of a shophouse in Haji Lane may wow visitors – but building conservationists are not impressed. The Urban Redevelopment Authority (URA) has raised a red flag over the paintwork as not meeting the stipulated guidelines for conserved shophouses. The artwork was commissioned by the owner of the neighbouring Blu Jaz Cafe, Ms Aileen Tan, her business associate said.

…The new colour guidelines were released on the URA’s website in January. It also discourages the use of neon paints and murals on shophouses. A URA spokesman said that since the guidelines were released, four owners had been told to remove paint covering the original facade tiles of their shophouses. She declined to say which shophouses these were, but said that all had complied.

URA can impose a fine of up to $200,000, a jail term of up to a year, or both, if the guidelines are breached. Said Mr Kelvin Ang, URA’s deputy director of conservation management: “We do have the power to take enforcement action, but the paint colour on buildings can change over time so we have chosen to approach this matter with a lighter touch.”

He added that the agency will act only when the paint colours are of “great concern” or “downright objectionable”.

According to the Guide on Conserved Shophouses, owners are encouraged to use ‘traditional’ colour schemes in the painting of their houses to retain that distinct ‘heritage character’, traditional meaning a ‘pastel’ hue. The Haji Lane House of Horrors was in fact cited as a negative example with its ‘strong patterns or mural obscuring the architectural features of the building’. Some call it ‘graffiti art’, but to me it looks like the facade was attacked by a berserking mob of spiky-tailed Pokemons, though anyone could still identify it as, well, a shophouse with windows. Except that unlike the ‘cleaner’ houses, you can’t tell if they’re ‘French windows with internal balustrades’ or ‘casement windows with timber shutters’. You’d know if a shophouse is ‘authentic’ when historians of architecture wax lyrical about its intimate window furnishings like how connoisseurs describe the taste of vintage wine, or the gearbox of a vintage car.

My Grandfather shophouse

The URA’s guide, however,  is loaded with fuzzy terms, like ‘unique features’, or how a ‘traditional’ design ‘lends character’ to the neighbourhood. Even their spokespeople say they would clamp down on designs that rouse ‘great concerns’. I would consider a concern ‘great’ only when these stark, strong colours induce convulsions in epileptics, or ‘downright objectionable’ if it says ‘Call XXX for a good time’. URA is also rather picky on how one should place a signboard, letterbox or even install the air-con unit. Sometimes, the difference between what’s ‘traditional’ and what’s ‘incompatible’ with heritage is just a matter of hue.

Here’s a quick test, guess which green house is OK and which one is NOT.

A)

B)

Give up yet? The TRADITIONAL house is B, silly. Can’t you tell the difference between Peranakan Pastel and Dreamworks Neon Shrek?

Any proud Singaporean would give credit to URA’s conservation efforts, and sometimes a little nitpicking enforcement is necessary to make sure that cultural artifacts are not bulldozed to make way for gaudy Capitaland Malls. But a HUE and cry over a mural that’s too cool for (old) school? Come now, there is already an impressive list of sites being preserved, from Kampong Glam (which encompasses Haji Lane) to Rochester Park, varying in styles from the Beach Road ‘Art Deco’ to ‘Black and White’ colonial type to the ‘Transitional’ to ‘Late’ Shophouse patterns of Geylang. Though places like Tiong Bahru and Rochester have been raided by dining establishments, Haji Lane is ‘unique’ with its ‘bohemian hipster’ boutique vibe, and with already so many shophouses of the same ‘typology’ being preserved elsewhere, perhaps the authorities could grant some exceptions for this ‘indie fusion’ style incorporating ‘street art’ with ‘rustic charm’, an ‘attitude’ that would blend in rather nicely with its backpacker-cool quaintness.  Haji Lane is far removed from the dingy alley of the past, but at least some skeletons remain to remind us of its humble Arab beginnings, not to mention garner international rave reviews for its off-the-beaten-track trendiness that makes it unmissable. Even superstar Gwen Stefani stopped by during her tour, and if you’ve got the original Hollaback Girl checking you out, you know you’re doing something right.

You only see this when you’re high on shisha

If giving these old fogie shophouses a snappy ‘tattoo’ is what it takes to keep the little curiosity that is Haji Lane abuzz and ALIVE in all its quirky, laid-back hipness without losing too much of its ‘old world charm’, then the URA should afford to ‘close one eye’ to architectural anomalies like the bizarre blue house at the end of the street. So, what, or who resides in this mystery building? Here’s a closer look:

Whatever the outcome, this piece of news will inevitably draw more locals and visitors to the area to capture for posterity the Blu Jaz graffiti while it still lasts, before its slate gets wiped clean by the heritage Nazis from the URA, reverting to the original style that our fathers, grandfathers and tengkus could relate to. Why stop at erasing graffiti off the walls, how about chasing out any tenant who isn’t selling batik, Persian rugs, falafel or oil lamps in line with the cultural ‘theme’ of the street? This is probably an exaggeration, but taking a shot of this shophouse is like bringing home a piece of the Berlin Wall. And I have a craving for Mexican food all of a sudden.

Lee Wei Ling and the elastic band on her father’s shorts

From ‘At Oxley Road, we value the frugal life’, 5 Aug 2012, article by Lee Wei Ling, Think, Sunday Times.

I grew up in a middle-class family. Though they were well-off, my parents trained my brothers and me to be frugal from young. We had to turn off water taps completely. If my parents found a dripping tap, we would get a ticking off. And when we left a room, we had to switch off lights and air-conditioners.

My father’s frugality extends beyond lights and air-conditioners. When he travelled abroad, he would wash his own underwear, or my mother did so when she was alive. He would complain that the cost of laundry at five-star hotels was so high he could buy new underwear for the price of the laundry service.

One day in 2003, the elastic band on my father’s old running shorts gave way. My mother had mended that pair of shorts many times before, so my father asked her to change the band. But my mother had just had a stroke and her vision was impaired. So she told my father: “If you want me to prove my love for you, I will try.” I quickly intervened to say: “My secretary’s mother can sew very well. I will ask her to do it.”

My parents and I prefer things we are used to. For instance, the house we have lived in all my life is more than 100 years old. When we first employed a contractor-cum-housekeeper, Mr Teow Seng Hua, more than 10 years ago, he asked me: “Your father has worked so hard for so many years. Why doesn’t he enjoy some luxuries?” I explained we were perfectly comfortable with our old house and our old furniture. Luxury is not a priority.

..All the bathrooms in our house have mosaic tiles. It is more practical than marble which can be slippery if wet. But it is now difficult to buy mosaic in Singapore. So again, Mr Teow bought mosaic tiles from Malaysia to keep in reserve in case some of our current tiles broke or were chipped.

…Frugality is a virtue that my parents inculcated in me. In addition to their influence, I try to lead a simple life partly because I have adopted some Buddhist practices and partly because I want to be able to live simply if for some reason I lose all that I have one day.

I’m not sure if Wei Ling’s father would appreciate information on his undergarments or elastic bands being leaked this way, but there’s a fine line between being ‘frugal’ or ‘thrifty’ and, well, simply being a ‘stingy poker’. This isn’t the first time that Lee is harping on about how she wasn’t exactly living in the lap of luxury. In 2009, she emphasised that life ‘wasn’t a bed of roses’, and more recently she waxed lyrical about the joys of sleeping on a cold hard floor. But there are inevitably a few things missing from this account as to how the Lee’s Oxley fort was being run. For example, she didn’t say anything about the ‘maids’ (plural) in the house, as divulged in an eulogy by a Lee relative at Mdm Kwa Geok Choo’s funeral. Granddaughter Li Xiuqi had this to say about the late matriarch:

Before stroke, she was a power woman. She ran the Oxley road household like a tight ship. She paid the maids, bought the fish, quality-checked the cooking, and peeled my grandfather’s fruit and packed his suitcase.

So now we know who peels LKY’s oranges. According to Xiuqi, the Lee family never installed a shower in their bathroom until the matriarch got her stroke, using the ‘old fashioned’ method of scooping from a tub of water. Grandson Li Shengwu talked about how ‘Nai Nai’ provided a ‘well-stocked’ bookshelf next to the children’s table instead of a TV. I suspect there’s not a single TV in the entire Oxley residence. Just look at the basement dining room of 38 Oxley Road below, the WOMB of the PAP. It looks more like an old conference room than anything else (and it was, in fact, the makeshift HQ for the inaugural PAP meeting in 1954). It looks like nothing’s changed since then. Geez, there’s not even a sofa in sight.

The coziest corner in 38 Oxley Road

There is a lingering refrain to use the word ‘BUNGALOW’ in Wei Ling’s trip down memory lane. Someone from the Remembersingapore blog put up a rare exterior shot of 38 Oxley Road. No guard dogs in sight. In 1965, a Malaysian visitor was surprised to discover that LKY stayed in a ‘modern, wooden house’.   Well if the picture below comes across as a humble shack, then what are the rest of we living in? Damp cardboard boxes?

House of the Rising Son

Wei Ling also failed to mention how her house is constantly guarded by Gurkhas like a fortress. In 1972, additional road humps were ordered to be placed for ‘safety reasons’ outside the Oxley house, in addition to convex mirrors a year earlier to give Gurkhas a better view of the road, in case anyone decides to speed dangerously and try anything funny. Security is so tight (like LKY’s elastic bands) that you could get arrested for shouting outside.  Such paranoia is understandable though, especially if you have people who fling bricks at your compound (Brick thrower fined $1000, 8 March 1991, ST). There are some creepy going-ons too surrounding the house. In 1964, a policeman was found mysteriously shot in an unoccupied house which stood ‘back to back’ with the Oxley one. But I doubt the belt-tightening Lees believe in spending money on ghostbusters.

LKY also talked, in typically unsentimental fashion, about demolishing the house when he’s dead and gone. This ‘big, rambling house with five bedrooms’ was also built by a ‘Jewish merchant’ more than a century ago. I wonder if his name happened to be Shylock. You can also forget about using Google street view to see what the birthplace of our government looks like, and none of the Lee kids seem interested, or ALLOWED, to post pics of it on Instagram. The virtue of ‘frugality’ within the Lee family may have been stretched to the point of ‘cheapskate’ depending on whose side you’re on, if you’d recall the 1990′s saga whereby the Lee father and son bought condominiums at Nassim Jade and Scotts 28, at DISCOUNTED prices. In 1996, both promptly donated their property discounts to charity (SM, BG Lee donate discounts on property buys to charity, 4 June 1996, ST). How thoughtful.

So, unlike the cosy, obsessive-compulsively spartan image of Oxley Road painted here by Wei Ling, the reality is that this place started out as a secret hideout and remains a secretive, gilded stronghold till today, and one is left only to the imagination as to how many rings of barbed wire, buff Gurkhas with guns, saber-toothed guard dogs and CCTVs surround this building, keeping vigil over the premises like it were an ivory castle in a princess fable. It goes without saying that in spite of Lee’s rose-tinted humility, she was well taken of, never had to beg for food in her life, had an excellent education, and lives in a house 99% of us can never afford. It’s like a queen telling her subjects how she had to eat food with her bare hands because she wanted to spare her servants the arduous task of washing utensils. Yet she’ll ALWAYS have food on the table. This is like a monk preaching out of a window in his temple without noticing the sharks swimming in the moat around his abode, blind to the corpses of peasants who so much as dared to fish from his waters because they had nothing else to eat.

Victoria Theatre like funeral parlour

From ‘Old seats look like coffins’, 23 July 2011, Life!mailbag, ST

(Chua Thian Yee): I would like to share my view on the use of the timber-moulded backs of the Victoria Theatre’s old wooden seats as feature walls….It looks to me like coffins stacked together. Please do not use this design and turn Victoria Theatre into a funeral parlour.

(Bernard Chua): The wall of the timber seats resembles suspended coffins in the illustration that accompanied the article. I hope the real thing looks better than the picture.

This design will raise the dead

Aesthetics aside, the horizontal lining of the old wooden seats is intended to enhance the ‘acoustic feel’ of the theatre, and probably also a functional way of conserving furniture which would otherwise be put to waste. Of course Singaporeans , having an irrational fear of death and baulking at anything that reminds them of impending doom, whether it’s landscaping that looks like tombstones or buildings that look like sinking ships, would be terrified by a nostalgic arts centre having a feature wall looking like a fancy floating drawer of coffins, when they’re in fact just long wooden seats arranged in a space-saving manner. Which probably explains the sterility of our arts scene here, being stifled by the wild imaginings of the superstitious who see taboo and inauspiciousness in anything funereal. A funeral, by the way, is the only social gathering people organise on your behalf which you’ll never attend, and most of us spend a few days occupying a coffin at least once in our lives. So being afraid of a coffin, especially if it’s floating, is like refusing to gaze at a new home which every one of us has to move into eventually.

You can never please everyone when it comes to design, and if the National Arts Council (NAC) thinks stacking seats together in an eco-friendly feature wall design serves its intended purpose, then it should just ignore the naysayers who haven’t any better ideas of what to do with old furniture. Especially those who cry Armageddon at the sight of coffin replicas, but are willing to lie in an actual one in Thailand to ‘cleanse bad karma’.

Bukit Brown waist-high in lallang

From ‘盛港组屋景观设计看上去像坟墓 入夜后居民觉得阴森’, 11 June 2011, article in omy.sg (SM Daily)

《新明日报》日前报道,宏茂桥3道第587座组屋,出现了一个外观似坟墓的瞭望台设施,让居民心里发毛,甚至担心不吉利。

报道刊登后,住在盛港安谷连路第304B座组屋的居民也拨电通知本报,说他们的住家楼下也有像坟墓的设计。那是一个“船锚”形状的景观设计,因为该区的英文名字Anchorvale里的Anchor,就是船锚的意思。

居民庄女士(48岁,小贩)说,她住在该区5年,一开始搬去就觉得“看了不舒服”,但由于没有影响生活,所以也就没有去反应。

The Anchorvale Horror

Observation Deck of the Dead

Translation: Residents in Anchorvale and Ang Mo Kio are getting spooked by structures in their estates resembling tombs and gravestones, hence inauspicious and portending bad luck.

These are probably the same folk who would lie in coffins to erase their bad karma, or see a sinking Titanic in a building where there is none. Anyone terrorised by the right stimulus, be it a scene from a horror movie or a ghost story, would find even a children’s playground scary. In fact, the one below my flat, which comes with a built in xylophone of sorts, sometimes emits tinkling noises in the middle of the night. Whether it’s an old tree, a creaky school gate or a flickering lamp post, anything can be a work of the devil if we try hard enough to impart a story to it, just that most of us ignore that urge simply because we’re better off occupying our minds with more productive tasks.

It’s ironic that some of us are so terrified of the thought of having a cemetery in our midst, forgetting that we keep memories and symbols of our dead loved ones closer than we think, be it a photograph or an article of clothing.  Most HDB dwellers also have to deal with coffins under their very noses during void deck funerals, and yet we make a fuss over such structures, which to normal perception are nothing like tombs by the wildest stretch of the imagination. It’s also curious how some of us want to whitewash and ‘exhume’ these pseudo-tombs if we see them everyday on the way to work or school, and yet feel uncomfortable, or even saddened by the URA’s decision to build houses over the underwhelming landmark that is Bukit Brown cemetery. I suppose bulldozing off a part of our cultural tapestry is expected, for we have lost our character the moment the casinos came to town, and when we hear the news that Singapore is likely to take over Las Vegas as the second hottest gambling spot in the world, all hope of salvation is lost forever. The community pride in Bukit Brown was evident in the 1940′s, when faithful visitors would protest against the unkempt growth of lallang in the area (See below, 10 Oct 1946). No doubt being decimated by the defiant curmudgeonly fist of progress is nothing short of tragic, but in light of the reverence and significance of the place to our forefathers and their fathers, this move by the government, who seemed to have exchanged their reading glasses for 3-D specs, is myopic to the point of sheer disappointment.

MBS becoming Singapore’s national icon

From’ Do we really want a casino as our icon?’ 20 April 2011, Voices, Today

(Tong Jee Cheng): IT is disappointing that the Marina Bay Sands integrated resort is fast becoming an iconic representation of Singapore. We see it in the background in local television dramas, we see it in tourist leaflets. It seems to appear often as backdrops in the various advertising media.

The first I heard of such sentiment was at a talk held at the National Museum – the speaker, whose name I cannot recall, was a local historical researcher. And in another local newspaper, a retired architect and urban theorist echoed this sentiment and said he would rather that the Botanic Gardens be the iconic landmark for Singapore.

Which other country in the world has a casino as its most famous icon?

I don’t think any country has a park as its icon either. Besides, the Botanical Gardens isn’t exactly postcard-pretty or instantly recognizable from the inside. Whether natural or man-made, one of the main criteria of a national icon, other than its uniqueness, scale, history and architecture, is that it must be well adored, even revered to myth-like proportions, by its people and not just manufactured for tourists. The MBS not only fails in that most basic aspect, but also lacks any kind of meaningful history, regardless of its function as a casino or a spiritual temple housing homeless orphans. There’s nothing teeming or rich about it, no stories to tell other than appalling service standards, and serves to draw only a certain kind of tourist; the rich ones.

Perhaps our Singaporean identity is simply this; that we have nothing special to commemorate as a nation or decorate our bills with besides the faces of dead presidents, we have no national costume, no national dish, we don’t have a decent tagline in our tourism posters, and we can’t decide on what monument to officiate as a national treasure without proceeding to tear it down to make way for something glitzier. We seem to have forgotten why we’re called ‘The Lion City’, and other than a spouting lion-fish to remind us, it seems that as a country we’ve developed a collective amnesia of what’s worth conserving, epitomising the Dubai-esque ‘futurepolis’ and every archaeologist’s nightmare in sci-fi lore. Some may argue that we’re just too small a nation to have many candidates to choose from, but even 8.5 sq mile island nation Nauru has an icon in the form of a champion boxer named DJ Maaki, not to mention what’s inside 0.2 square miles of Vatican City.

Not that we haven’t tried looking for one. Singapore’s elusive icon could have been a person, a plant, or even an orang utan, as suggested from a past list of potential national icons as follows:

Animals:  Ah Meng (Why Ah Meng is a national icon, 24 June 2006, Today), Sunbird (This sunbird fits image, 31 May 1986, ST)

Flowers: Vanda Miss Joachim

Statues: Merlion

Buildings: National Stadium, National Library at Stamford, Raffles Hotel, Changi Airport, Esplanade, Zoo, Parliament House

Language: Singlish (Beng is cool, Singlish a Signal, 20 March 2006, Today)

People: MM Lee

Sadly there’s nothing that triggers swelling pride from the slim pickings above, with traditional icons like the Merlion being exploited as part of a hotel installation, and the Raffles Hotel’s Singapore Sling being compared to cough syrup. If we idolise politicians we risk being branded as the North Korea of South East Asia, and advocates of Singlish will realise that we share bits and pieces of it with our Malaysian neighbours. Even if the MBS were granted the dubious honour of being representative of the Singaporean identity, history tells us that it’ll go the way of the National Stadium or Vanda Miss Joachim sooner or later. Ultimately, whats the point of a national icon even if we had one, when our people itself, a mishmash of migrants with their hearts and roots elsewhere, are unlikely to stay long enough, develop a community around it, and tell stories about it to their children in the end? But for now, the question Singaporeans should ask themselves is this; 100 years from now, what’s the one thing we want to see still exist, to grace the pages of National Geographic, appear on the History Channel, to be the first item on every tourist’s itinerary, or printed on our 50 dollar notes? Looking at the list above, my bets are on the Merlion, kitschy today but the icon most likely to really go the distance while megaliths like the MBS  fade forgotten into the shade of an inevitable ever- ascending skyline.

Flower dome looks like a shipwreck

From ‘游客吓一跳 滨海南花穹乍看像沉船’, 13 April 2011, article in omy.sg (SM Daily)

…读者李小姐告诉《新明日报》,她日前全家到滨海堤坝游玩,从海面上望向滨海湾方向,结果看到一个很像“沉船”的物件。李小姐后来得知,那其实是国家公园局滨海南花园项目冷室之一的“花穹”(Flower Dome)。

…李小姐表示,若从新加坡摩天观景轮的方向望去,就能看到花穹的整体设计,非常美观,就像一波波的浪潮,但从滨海堤坝望去,由于建筑互相遮挡,看起来就像一艘“沉没一半的船”。“花穹傍水而建,形状看起来却像‘沉船’,未免有些不吉利。”

…风水师慧戒说:“水为财,花穹傍水而立,寓为’近(进)财’,是很好的象征。李小姐觉得看起来像’沉船’,我倒觉得更似一条冒出水面的鲸鱼,有’抓水’的寓意,更有’收揽财气’之感。”

Google translated, the above becomes:

Miss Lee told readers, “Shin Min Daily News,” she has the whole family to play Marina Barrage, Marina Bay from the sea, look to the direction of the results to see a lot like “wreck” of the object. Miss Li was later informed that it is the National Park Service Marina South Gardens project, one of the cold room “Flower Dome” (Flower Dome).

Miss Lee said, from the direction of the Singapore Flyer looked, you can see the dome of the overall design of the flower, very beautiful, like the waves of the wave, but looked Marina Barrage, the building block each other, see it is like a “half of the ship sinking.” Flower Dome Bangshui built, the shape looks like a ‘wreck’ was somewhat unlucky.”

Hui feng shui master ring, said: “Water for the money, spend Bangshui standing dome, and combine for the ‘near (Import) Treasury’, is a good symbol. Miss Lee that looks like a ‘wreck’, I would feel more like a emitting surface of the whales, but the ‘catch water’ meaning, more ‘close embrace financial gas’ feeling. “

An unintentional tribute to the Japanese tsunami

This is an extreme example of ‘half glass empty’ people seeing disaster where there isn’t everywhere they go, whether it’s in design of the Flower Dome, or a chicken dish on the business class flight menu. The flip side of feng shui is how such catastrophic imagery is exploited by mere amateurs to portend unnecessary doom when the ancient art/science itself was probably developed at a time when modern ships as we know it hadn’t even existed, meaning that such calls for inauspicious design is simply people corrupting elegant geometry or animal imagery with finale scenes from a Titanic movie, like how people would see a skull and crossbones on a sand dune on Mars, or look at a skyscraper and complain about how it almost looks like a train run aground and erect without even whipping out a compass to check the direction it’s facing.   Still, looking at the ‘shipwreck’ design of the Flower dome and the lotus bloom of the Art Science Musuem, regardless of feng shui or ‘financial gas’, one does wonder if the MBS people hadn’t gotten the two attractions mixed up instead.

MM Lee is Singapore’s coolest icon

From ‘Red Hot and Cool’, 13 Feb 2011, article by Ng Kai Ling in Sunday Times

..Most recently, CNNGo, a lifestyle and travel companion to CNN, ranked Singaporeans ahead of the siesta-loving Spainiards and the dreadlocks-donning Jamaicans as the second-coolest people in the world. At No 1 were the samba-dancing Brazilians.

…(Tay Kheng Soon, architect): It (Marina Bay Sands, no. 3 coolest icon in Singapore) is one of the finer buildings of Singapore. My regret is that it is a  strong design and because of that, unfortunately, it is the de facto icon of Singapore. Which self-respecting nation wants to have a casino as its icon?

…(Jamilah Abdul Rashid): The lovely beautiful smiles on elderly folks’ faces when you walk past them are cool, and pushing and shoving in crowded places is so uncool

…(Steph Kim): Singaporeans spend way too much time studying. That’s so uncool.

Ranked behind ‘Can’t Think of one’ at second place of Coolest Icon In Singapore is MM, which essentially makes him  by default the coolest icon in Singapore. The problem with such polls, other than the fact that by sheer chance that only uncool Singaporeans partake in them,  is that there is no placeholder for the definition of cool, which ends up with people mistaking other more appropriate adjectives like ‘safe’, ‘smart’, ‘funny’, ‘blunt’, and ‘nice’ for ‘cool’. It could also mean that Singaporeans are so cooped up in what the media feeds them everyday that the only important person they could think of other than the very dead Sir Stamford Raffles is our very own MM. Or perhaps they were just trying to be funny.

The list is also  hopelessly vague. For example, there’s nothing ‘cool’ about a good transport system, but sneaking in to spray paint graffiti on a MRT train undeniably is. Safety isn’t cool, but rock climbing and Universal Studios’ Battlestar Galactica is. Gurmit Singh of PCK fame may be ranked cool, but drunk-driving Christopher Lee is the one gracing ‘cool’ fashion magazines. An old man’s smile isn’t cool, but if he also races in his pasttime instead of doing taiji or gardening, he is. ‘Shopping’ per se isn’t cool at all, but ‘shopping’ for components to build your own computer is. ‘Studying’ isn’t cool, but ‘studying the history of social media tools ‘ is. ‘Coolness’ then, has and always will be defined by a certain level of mischief, risk-taking and trailblazing. MM Lee may be a pioneer, but compare him to the likes of Steve Jobs, or Barrack Obama and you have an idea of what’s missing. The fact that you can’t pinpoint what that is just proves how ambiguous and fuzzy the definition of ‘cool’ is.

Secondly, there’s only cool personalities or activities. An author, a book, a movie, robot-designing, skydiving, elephant-training can all be cool, but not something as massively diverse as a country, because then it becomes meaningless when there’s nothing specific to a nation’s activity, or style that allows one to form any kind of rational blanket description whatsoever. The entire process of only selecting bits and pieces of seemingly ‘cool’ elements and missing the whole picture is itself flawed. Even the ‘uncool’ list, though easier to construct, looks ridiculous. Our ‘weather’ is uncool? Seriously, this whole survey is either full of deceitful puns or tongue-in-cheek sarcasm, which really isn’t very  helpful, or cool, at all. It’s only fair to say that we, like all countries, have our share of cool and uncool. Even the country that invented cool (USA) is the same one that came up with cheesy soap operas, charismatic churches, Starbucks and the Scary movie franchise.

So allow me to give my take on what’s really cool, and uncool, about Singapore/Singaporeans, in no particular order.

Cool

  1. Ye Olde Railway Station at Tanjong Pagar
  2. Battlestar Galactica
  3. Mr Brown/Mr Miyagi
  4. 881
  5. Park Connectors

SO Uncool

  1. Camwhore blogs
  2. Chope-ing seats with tissue paper
  3. Backpacks on the train
  4. Flipped up collars on polo T shirts with sunglasses
  5. Going to a local football match wearing Manchester United jerseys

 

A Fricky coincidence

From ‘Home for the youth or elderly?’ and ‘Put their talents to good use’, 17 June 2010, Voices, Today online

Andrew Loh: I recently passed by the new *scape building and was surprised to see a stark black-and-white building. It looks like a retirement home!

One imagines youth centres should be colourful and lively. That afternoon, no one was there and it looked cold, uninviting and very institutional. I hope the authorities will consider changing the building’s colour scheme before the Youth Olympic Games.

Problem: Gloomy building.

Shudder Island

Lim Siew Imm: The upside to the SMRT graffiti debacle, in which the attractive (but illegal) artwork was mistaken as the work of professional admen, is that organisations will be forced to unearth and address their security weaknesses.

Perhaps when the courts passing judgment on the culprits, they will be made to use their creative talents for good – by contributing to the local arts scene.

Solution: Fricker does community service

By some uncanny coincidence, these two letters were published on the same day, resulting in an Eureka ‘kill two birds’ moment if the authorities would be smart enough to spot it. Convicted MRT graffiti bomber Oliver Fricker’s lawyers had better be reading this.

Chromosome bridge

From ‘It could have been called Chromosome Bridge’, 2 May 2010, article in Sunday Times

(Leslie Neo, retiree): ‘Naming the pedestrian bridge The Helix is too literal and unoriginal. It is as if we could not think of anything better and just named it after its shape’

(John Ting, former president of Singapore Institute of Architects): “The words Bayfront and Helix are too narrow in meaning and do not conjure many images in people’s minds”

His suggestion: Singapore Marina Bridge

Singapore Marina Bridge? Wait, let the images conjure in my mind. Hmm..I see..a bridge..in Marina..in Singapore! Wow! You have outdone yourself Mr Ex President of Architects. One wonders if the Bridge would have attained Guggenheim-like status under your creative supervision instead! The usual case of too little too late and people griping over how things should be named after they have been built, from bridges to airport to roads, even the MRT. Names and design aside, people also complain about its poor lighting and lack of plantlife.

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