NEA urging Indonesia to do something about haze

Posted on June 17, 2013 by gdy2shoez

From ‘Singapore urges Indonesia to take immediate measures over worsening haze’, 17 June 2013, article by Grace Chua, ST

THE National Environment Agency (NEA) has urged the Indonesian authorities to take urgent measures to halt transboundary haze, as the haze clouding Singapore’s skies crossed into the unhealthy range on Monday. At 8pm, the PSI was 140 – the highest since 2006.

Any reading above 100 is considered unhealthy.

“NEA has alerted the Indonesian Ministry of Environment on the haze situation experienced in Singapore, and urged the Indonesian authorities to look into urgent measures to mitigate the transboundary haze occurrence,” an NEA spokesman said on Monday.

…Smoke from forest fires in Indonesia’s Sumatra island, some deliberately started to clear forests for planting, has been carried by winds from the west and south-west to Singapore this week and to Malaysia, where it reached unhealthy levels over the weekend. The number of Sumatran hot spots has been rising: on June 15, there were 101 hot spots, while on Sunday there were 138.

The highest PSI ever recorded in Singapore was 226 in 1997. I’m not sure if the NEA has enough clout to pressure the Indonesian authorities when even our ministers’ complaints have fallen on deaf ears over the past 2 decades. The Indonesian ministers have even rebutted on those occasions when we were worst hit, saying the region, and the world, should be THANKFUL for the oxygen that Sumatran forests have provided to make the air ‘cool’ for us. President Suharto did apologise, however, for the bush fires which they have failed to stop despite imposing bans on the slash-and-burn practice, but it was a pretty useless apology indeed, as we watch the PSI shoot up the charts on the top left corner of the TV screen and forced to cancel our plans of family kite-flying at Marina Bay. Susilo Bambang apologised again in 2006, but we’ve reached a point in our negotiations where it’s ‘Sorry no cure’, Indonesia. Your haze has ruined many a lung and a childhood thanks to your wilful negligence. Give me back the outdoor vigorous exercise that you stole from me, dammit.

Yaacob Ibrahim was involved in ASEAN taking ‘serious steps’ to stop the haze back in 2007, where he called for less meetings and more implementation. Jakarta boasted of a $150 US million dollars action plan then, which aimed to halve forest fires that year. All that money seemed to have gone up in smoke.  In 2010, ex-minister George Yeo personally called his Indonesian counterpart to complain about the haze and offer help, but the response then was a wimpy admission of weak forestry enforcement i.e they could do nothing about it. Vivian Balakrishnan followed up in 2011 with a letter stressing the need for ‘immediate measures’ because the haze was bad for business, namely F1 business. Indonesia declined our offer to help because they felt things were ‘under control’.  Nevermind then, we went ahead with the damn F1 anyway, an event which generates a mini-haze and plenty of hot air of its own. As if things weren’t smoky enough. Our PM also joined the nagging, expressing ‘disappointment’ over the haze problem, alas, amounting to nothing more than trying to douse a hotspot with a bucket of ice.

Even ASEAN ganging up on the clueless Indonesians failed to resolve the issue, with some academics calling for Singapore to take legal action ourselves against polluting culprits without waiting for the Indonesian government to get their act together or sulk about how ungrateful we are in spite of all the wonderful oxygen they have supplied us.  Since rounding up the neighbours also didn’t work, we  complained about the haze to the UN, which had one Indonesian minister so miffed about it that he skipped a meeting in protest. It’s like telling your neighbour off for calling in the fire department when you’re the one who started blowing smoke over in the first place. Someone must have tossed maturity into the bonfire as well.

What does the NEA, or ANYONE of ministerial calibre, expect out of such pleas really. The Indonesians have been dawdling on this with bits and pieces of recovery action and expensive promises but we still suffer the same fate every year because no one is penalising the burners. The PSI is 155 as we speak. We should fly in some top honchos from the region, knock on the their doors, hog their office chairs refusing to budge until they make a few phone calls and sign some treaties and legislation themselves instead of us just expressing ‘deep concern’ every year and having them tell us to mind our own business. But it’s not just a domestic issue anymore. The world’s oxygen (as they like to claim) and EVERYONE’S lungs are at stake here, so enough of the phony niceties because, as some writers put it, this smoggy incursion is a CRIME AGAINST HUMANITY (ST Forum, 25 Sept 1997). I’ve also had enough of the countless haze puns at the expense of my air sacs. Every year without fail, someone will remind me of ‘Smoke Gets In Your Eyes’. Well you wouldn’t get smoke in your eyes if I wallop them shut, eh?

Speaking of jokes, I wonder how our PM would react if some Beijing diplomat makes one about us having a smoke and opening windows now.

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Filed under: 1990s, 2000s, 2013, Bureaucrats, Environment, Politicians | Tagged: , | 3 Comments »

Charity for disabled children removing ‘spastic’ from its name

Posted on June 16, 2013 by gdy2shoez

From ‘Charity drops ‘spastic’ in new name’, 16 June 2013, article by Theresa Tan, Sunday Times

The Spastic Children’s Association of Singapore has changed its name to the Cerebral Palsy Alliance Singapore. It is the latest charity serving the disabled to re-brand itself with a more politically correct name….Corporate communications manager Melissa Shepherdson told The Sunday Times the change came about after parents’ feedback that the word “spastic” was derogatory. “We want to protect our clients’ dignity,” she said.

It has also applied to the Ministry of Education (MOE) to change the name of its Spastic Children’s Association School to the Cerebral Palsy Alliance Singapore School.

…The word spastic, used to refer to a person with cerebral palsy, was not laden with negative connotations in the 1950s, when the charity was founded, going by various reports on the word’s definition. But it has since degenerated into an insult used to describe someone as stupid and clumsy.

…As today’s parents are more mindful of politically correct language, many special education schools catering to disabled children have in the past decade coined new names that make no reference to disability, or dropped the word “special”.

Ms June Tham, executive director of Rainbow Centre, said: “Some parents feel that the word ‘special’ is a stigma and gives the impression that the child is abnormal. We know that some parents reject their children or are ashamed of them, and using negative words reinforces their negative feelings.”

Screen Shot 2013-06-16 at 7.27.44 AM

The old logo of the Spastic Children’s Association above features a half naked boy in a heartwrenching pose. Today it looks like a corporate logo for a government agency with what appears to be raised arms of joy. Incidentally, there is another ‘CPAS’ in Singapore which has nothing to do whatsoever with spasticity (or so it seems): The Certified Public Accountant Singapore‘.

‘Spastic’ used to be a derogatory taunt that I encountered only during my secondary school days, and meant general idiotic behaviour. In the US, however, ‘spastic’ refers to clumsiness or ‘over-excitedness’. They even named a Transformer ‘Spastic’, which was pulled from the UK. Somehow ‘blind’ as an insult has gotten away with it. If your boss scolds ‘You must be BLIND’ when you miss out glaring info in a report, you’re not going to sue him for verbal abuse. When he says ‘Your report is bloody SPASTIC’, on the other hand, you might have a case against him. Even the word ‘special’ is no longer as ‘feel-good’ as it once was, as the phrase ‘special treatment’ would tell you.

UK ad circa 1977

UK spastic association ad circa 1977

Other name changes for the sake of political correctness mentioned in the article include the dropping of ‘Autism’ from Singapore Autism School to ‘EDEN school’ and ‘Singapore School for the Visually Handicapped’ into ‘Lighthouse School’ (which to me sounds vaguely ironic, even patronising). ‘Visually Handicapped’ itself is a euphemism for ‘BLIND’, and the SAVH’s timeline of name-changing to appease the public is a classic example of how PC has evolved. In 1951, it started off as the ‘Singapore Association for the Blind’, and morphed into SAVH in 1987. A ‘sub-committee of the Blind (1964)’ turned into the ‘White Cane club (1972)’, which retains its name till this day as a recreational branch of the association. That’s like calling a social group for amputees the ‘Wheelchair Club’. Today’s MINDS (Movement for the Intellectually Disabled of Singapore) was once called the Singapore Assocation for RETARDED children (1962).

So it seems that some neurological handicaps are more offensive than others. Cerebral Palsy is fine for now, but it appears that the word ‘Autism’ is still being shunned by some parents. Hence the biblical trope ‘Eden’, which according to the Autism Resource Centre, is inspired by the proverbial Garden where its ‘fruits gave life’.  I’m not sure if naming a special school after a mythic paradise is overdoing it though. The logo of Eden school is a tree with round hanging fruits, one of which I could assume is the forbidden one that tempted and corrupted Adam and Eve into an eternity of sin, which is, one could argue, the ‘life’ given to us today anyway, handicapped or not.

In 2003, PATHLIGHT school (for autistic kids) was launched with assistance from MOE, complete with ‘smiley face logo’ that tells you how ‘joyous’ the place is.  Not to be confused with ‘NORTHLIGHT’ school, which caters to kids who are not mentally disabled, but are poor academic performers (or ‘slow learners’ in the past) There’s still room in this age of uppity PC for the likes of Autism Children’s Centre in Clementi and St Andrew’s Autism School which refrain from flowery names that stray from its cause, but it’s only a matter of time before these get rebranded into shining beacons of hope and aspiration, such that eventually the only way to tell if a school is for ‘special’ kids or not is that its name reads like a gospel and says NOTHING about the illness that its students suffer from.

‘Cerebral Palsy’ doesn’t sound like a term one would abuse in the same way as ‘spastic’, but we once thought the same about ‘autism’, or God forbid, ‘educationally subnormal’. Describing your kid as ‘different’ or ‘special-needs’  may not be socially acceptable to some these days, but apparently changing the name of his school into an extra-special one is. I believe it would be simpler to say that your child has autism or cerebral palsy rather than run rings around euphemisms like ‘special’, ‘different’ and ‘differently abled’, or pray that people know what Pathlight school does without you having to explain that it’s not exactly a school for Christian children or angels from heaven.

Or we could follow Derek Zoolander’s example, naming his dyslexia school as the ‘Derek Zoolander’s Center for Kids who Can’t Read Good’. The Spastic Children’s equivalent could be ‘Center for Kids who Can’t Move Good’.

Filed under: 2000s, 2013, It Should Have Been.., Kids, Names | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Most expensive car in Singapore worth $5.3 million

Posted on June 15, 2013 by gdy2shoez

From ‘Fastest car in Singapore Koenigsegg Agera sold for $5.3 million’, 15 June 2013, article by Fabian Koh, ST

THE fastest and most expensive car in Singapore was unveiled yesterday. The Koenigsegg Agera S hypercar – boasting a 420kmh top speed and a $5.3 million price tag – was revealed to 200 VIPs and guests at a private launch event at the Ritz-Carlton, Millenia hotel.

Handcrafted in Sweden, the car, which runs on regular petrol, took around 4,000 hours to produce and and comes with a 1,040 horsepower twin turbo engine. There are only three other Agera S models in the world – one in America, and two in Hong Kong. Its price tag here includes a $100,000 certificate of entitlement.

The model here was bought by Ms Angela Tan, 38, wife of investor Denis Chua, 40.

…The vehicle’s hefty price tag could buy several other supercars. According to the Land Transport Authority, a new Ferrari F12 Berlinetta registered last month cost about $1.47 million. A new Rolls-Royce Ghost EWB cost about $1.19 million while a Lamborghini Aventador had a price tag of $1.27 million.

The last record for most expensive car was held by the $3.6 million Pagini Huayra in 2012, 3 of which were bought by ‘men in their early 50′s with passion for cars’ who own a collection of Lamborghinis. In 2010, it was reported that a $3 million Pagini Zonda F was bought by entrepreneur and famed car-enthusiast Tommie Goh, (excluding the $11,600 annual road tax and $60,000 insurance premium) whose ‘toy collection’ also included a Ferrari Enzo, F50, F40, F512M, as spotted by a traveller in 2011. He also owns the world’s first F1 simulator worth half a million dollars. If you’re that loaded, why not a fancy arcade game that costs as much as a 4-room flat even if you can choose to zip around town in an actual sportscar with wheels?

Multimillion cars have been around for more than two decades, with a $3.2 million Jaguar XJ220 reportedly owned by a member of the Malaysian royalty way back in 1992. It’s nothing less than gratuitous affluence of a very successful minority of relatively young Singaporeans that explains this supercar craze, with sale of ultra-luxury vehicles holding steady even during an economic slump in 2012, and 60 units of Lamborghini Aventadors worth $1.5 million each being SOLD OUT in early 2011. I don’t know much about hypercars or even cars in general, but the Agera S Hundra looks like it’s drabbed in spandex and something you can use to fight crime with. Some may say such cars will be neutered on our congested streets and therefore a waste of money, but that’s not the point if you’re a millionaire car collector. It’s how SCARCE this sexy beast is that matters. Rich people buy hot rare shit all the time and who are we to stop them?

Batmobile Schatmobile

This high-flying need for speed has risks and consequences though, and I’m not sure what the LTA is doing allowing such ultrafast vehicles on our roads. Ma Chi, the China Ferrari driver who killed himself and 2 others, was zooming about in a limited edition Ferrari 599 GTO which could hit top speeds of 335km/h. This Agera S trumps that by nearly 100km/h, and having a lady driver putting her name down for it offers little assurance that nobody will get mowed down by it some day, like when a naughty valet sneaks a joyride while you’re having dinner at RWS, for example. By the way, GTO stands for Gran Turismo Omologato. If you don’t own a supercar at least you can impress girls with some racecar trivia. Just don’t pronounce omologato like you’re describing gourmet Italian coffee or ice-cream.

These proud Agera owners probably belong to the same League of Super-rich who live in $300 million Nassim Road bungalows and down Jewel of Pangaeas as nightcaps before they sleep everyday. Or they could be living in Hamilton at Scotts.

For a city state that boasts more Maseratis, Ferraris and Lamborghinis per capita than ANYWHERE in the world (more than 4000 such supercars registered in 2012), what could be more essential than having your supercar right smack in your APARTMENT instead of in a dusty garage, especially if it’s one of out only THREE in the world? It’s the pinnacle of obscene indulgence, that so many Singaporeans have to struggle to find basic housing and yet here at Hamilton we set aside space in the form of ‘sky-porches’ allocated to some filthy rich tycoon’s Ferrari, a car which he wouldn’t drive around much anyway but use it more as a flashy centrepiece to impress guests as a cocktail party where they can discuss carbon fibre finishes all night long.

Thieves would have trouble stealing your million-dollar baby too, not without first plummeting to their fiery deaths if they intend to drive the damn car straight out of the 10th floor of the Hamilton building like in the Transporter movies.  Wait, you don’t even need to plunge down a building to get burnt to crisp in an expensive sportscar anyway. All I’ve got in my humble abode to show for is a bicycle with flat tires. Not handcrafted either. If I handcrafted a car myself it wouldn’t win top prize at a boxcart race, not to mention fetch 5 million dollars.

Filed under: 2000s, 2013, Money, Motorists | Tagged: , | 1 Comment »

Singapore Flyer no longer attractive to locals

Posted on May 28, 2013 by gdy2shoez

From ‘Experts,  tour guides not surprised by Singapore Flyer receivership news’, 28 May 2013, article by Debbie Lee and Jessica Lim, ST

Analysts and tour agents were not altogether surprised when news broke on Tuesday evening that company that owns the Singapore Flyer had enter receivership just five years after it was launched.

…Analysts noted that the Singapore Flyer was not attractive to locals and did not encourage repeat visitors while tour agents also told The Straits Times that the ticket prices were too expensive and some had stopped taking tourists there.

Mr M. Loganathan, a tour guide, said that he prefers to take tourists to view Singapore’s scenery from buildings like the OUB building instead. “It’s cheaper so we earn more. At these places, tourists can stay as long as they want and take as many pictures as they want,” he said, adding that he suggests alternate locations to the Flyer to tourists the guides.

The Singapore Flyer project was formally announced and endorsed on June 27, 2003 by the Singapore Tourism Board (STB) with the signing of a memorandum of understanding between the developer, Singapore Flyer Pte Ltd, and STB.

While the attraction crossed the one-million mark in ticket sales in August 2008, it suffered several breakdowns including two major ones. On Dec 4 in 2008, the wheel was stuck for nearly five hours due to bad weather and some 70 people were stranded. A few weeks later on Dec 23, wheel stopped moving for more than six hours. Some 173 passengers on board were trapped and 11 passengers eventually had to be evacuated via a sling-like device from a few of the capsules, and those stranded were given food and drink. Following this breakdown, additional back-up systems costing about $3 million were installed.

The ‘analysts’ are right. I only ever took the Singapore Flyer once and that was the end of it. It explains the fancy add-ons to get people interested after their maiden voyage. A basic ride currently costs a whopping $33 for a half-hour rotation and entry into a ‘Journey of Dreams’ showcase. For twice that price ($69), you may experience a Moet and Chandon champagne flight, which includes bubbly in an ‘elegant tulip flute’ and strawberries and chocolate. For $99 you and your partner may enjoy – literally – HIGH tea. The problem with Flyer feasting is that you can’t enjoy afternoon delight or a romantic date at your own pace once the wheel hits the downturn. For the same amount I could have a more relaxing time at a buffet spread, with the luxury of a restroom so that I can drink and piss out as much tea as I want. And who needs a butler in that enclosed space anyway, unless he also doubles up as a serenading violinist or carries an emergency jetpack to shuttle passengers to safety in the event of disaster.

What the above article avoided reporting on past Flyer breakdowns was that the cause of wheel failure in Dec 2008 was a small ELECTRICAL FIRE, and that two passengers were subsequently HOSPITALISED. One Indonesian tourist who swore that he would never take the ride spoke of trapped riders URINATING into plastic bags while hanging in the air. Imagine if you’re stuck in a Moet Chandon package capsule and you had no other receptacle to relieve yourself than a tulip flute, and mere strawberries to stave your hunger. Just the thought of that remotely happening is enough for me to save that $33 for Kai Kai and Jia Jia instead. I’d rather see pandas do nothing for 15 minutes than twice that duration in a rotating deathtrap worrying about which side to jump from once the capsule catches fire. I sure as hell don’t want to land smack on the Esplanade.

But that’s not all. 2010 saw the Flyer being hit by LIGHTNING. A year later, a baby in a stroller rolled off the disembarkation platform 3 stories off the ground (but thankfully onto a safety net). But if you’re really unlucky, you may get half an hour of witnessing ridiculous couples fondle each other. At least you can disembark the MRT if such behaviour gives you nausea. On the Singapore Flyer there is NO escape. It gives ‘altitude sickness’ a whole new meaning. All the above, for $33 a pop and waiting in a queue for longer than the entire ride itself. In fact, even an illegal ticket at half price would be a hard sell in my opinion.

Despite the initial fanfare and optimism over the then TALLEST Observation Wheel in the World (30 m taller than the London Eye, but now overtaken by New York’s 190m High Roller ferris wheel), there were some voices in 2003 who called out the Flyer as a blatant copycat of the London icon, with the ST Forum using a telling subject header for one such letter: Singapore Flyer won’t Fly. 10 years on and the Flyer looks set to have its wings clipped as the naysayers predicted, its unpopularity coupled with problems within management.  I can imagine in 50 years if nobody could bear to tear down a $200 million dollar project, we could send some gardeners up there to seed the abandoned capsules and turn the entire structure in the world’s biggest vertical hanging tropical garden. Only THEN should the Management consider skyborne eateries, maybe a Kopitiam in the form of a spiralling tower selling hawker delights, a refreshing gastronomic SPIN on what’s previously a Ferris Wheel ride so boring you need to pay extra for booze to help get it over and done with.

We could rename the attraction – wait for it – the Singapore Fryer.

Filed under: 2000s, 2013, Fun and games, Tourists | Tagged: , | Leave a Comment »

Compassvale Ancilla Latin for ‘girl servant’ or ‘sea snails’

Posted on May 19, 2013 by gdy2shoez

From ‘Matilda Portico? HDB gets into the name game’, 19 May 2013, article by Daryl Chin, Sunday Times

A portico is a columned walkway that originated in ancient Greece. Nautilus is a shellfish and the name of Captain Nemo’s submarine in the Jules Verne classic 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea. What about ancilla? It does not exist even in the Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary, but is said to have a Latin origin and apparently means girl servant, or sea snails.

…Among the latest Build-To-Order (BTO) projects announced in March this year was one in Punggol called Matilda Portico. Compassvale Ancilla in Sengkang Central and the Nautilus in Punggol are the other names the HDB has come up with in recent years. Others include Waterway Sunbeam, Punggol Spectra, The Periwinkle, Edgedale Green and The Coris.

These tongue-twisters may be a bane to non-English-speaking elderly folk and taxi drivers, but the HDB says it is all part of a long- term branding policy, which it hopes creates a special identity and builds a sense of community among residents. “The objective was to create local identities that residents can relate to and foster neighbourliness,” said a spokesman for HDB.

…The HDB said its guiding principles for names include the location of the estate, special design features and any interesting historical or cultural link. As much as possible, HDB would also choose names that are distinct from nearby developments to avoid confusion.

…The HDB even has a theme going for studio apartment projects, which are meant to provide seniors with affordable housing. All have the word “golden” in the first part of their names to indicate graceful ageing. The second part can come from local plants or spices, like Golden Saffron in Woodlands.

*Video stills from Stomp/Wah Banana.

HDB has been ripping off condo concepts for BTO branding for years, and since most words containing ‘water’ in them have already been taken, why not a name that sounds like a high-end Italian bakery? Matilda Portico is supposedly inspired by the nearby Matilda House, an abandoned and the only bungalow left standing in Punggol which as of 2012 has been converted to a clubhouse for a condo that calls itself A TREASURE TROVE . Imagine asking a taxi uncle to take you to ‘A Treasure Trove’. He’d probably ask you if you have a wooden leg and a parrot on your shoulder.

And what an ‘interesting historical link’ this Matilda House is, especially if you’re the superstitious sort. ‘Matilda’ was the mother of an Irish businessman named Alexander Cashin, who built the house in her honour in 1902. Alexander’s father, Joseph, was a 19th century expat who made his fortune out of OPIUM farms. Also known as Istana Menanti (The Waiting Palace), rumour has it that it’s HAUNTED and that several construction workers were killed mysteriously while trying to demolish it. In fact, so renown is its spookiness that it is one of the stopovers of the Singapore Spooky Tour organised by the Asia Paranormal Investigators, advertised as the ‘most haunted home in the city’. With the recent makeover, the only thing scary about Matilda today are the prices of the condos and ‘atas’ BTO flats surrounding it. With a name like Portico, I’d expect the facade of a Roman bathhouse at the very least.

Punggol Amityville.

‘Ancilla’, on the other hand, has as much cultural or historical relevance as naming another BTO after a fabled submarine. A quick Google tells us that it indeed refers to a genus of sea snails, while in Latin it also means maid, or girl-slave. I don’t know about the natural history of sea snails in Punggol or whether they have been eaten to extinction thanks to Pungool Seafood, but maids we have aplenty. If you Google IMAGE ‘Ancilla’, however, you don’t see gastropods or slaves, but THIS:

Ancilla, Playboy model

Ancilla, Playboy model

Goodness, HDB has unwittingly named one of its projects after a nude model. Let’s hope it turns out to be as sexy as it sounds. But remember, residents of Ancilla, it’s not pronounced AHN-SEE-LA, but AHN-KEE-LA (though both will confuse taxi drivers nonetheless). I bet some smart-alecks will attempt to say it like AHN-CHI-LA, as in CHINCHILLA. Those in the medical field will make nerdy jokes about how close it sounds to ‘axilla’, or ARMPIT. Meanwhile I would suggest HDB consult a marine biologist before giving BTOs such fishy names.

So it’s not just old people or taxi uncles who get confused about BTO and condo names, it’s the people who LIVE in these buildings themselves. Even deceptively simple words can have different interpretations, like Fernvale LEA: (LEE or LE-A). Don’t even get me started on D’Nest. You have BTO names which are a mouthful like WATERWAY SUNBEAM (not to be confused with Waterway Sundew),  or named after one of the 7 sins (Keat Hong Pride), a Wonder Woman accessory (Corporation Tiara), or a Superman accessory (Compassvale Cape). Not to mention frustrating clones like Tampines GreenTerrace, GreenForest and Greenleaf. All without the spacing in between. Like, you know, atreasuretrove. Kids, don’t try this in school.

There is also the trend of naming studio apartment for seniors with the word ‘Golden’ in them. I’m sure old folks can handle numbers and traditional names like ‘Kim Keat’ and ‘Choa Chu Kang’ easily, but forcing them to say ‘Golden Saffron’, ‘Golden Clover’ or ‘Golden KISMIS‘ is a form of elderly abuse. There’s even a ‘Golden DAISY’ which sounds more like a florist in People’s Park Complex than a home. What if they get lost and need help finding their way home but can’t tell us where they live? What if taxi drivers and paramedics end up at Golden Mile or Golden Village cinema instead? In any case, ‘golden’ is passe. Seniors now belong to the ‘silver’ generation. So how about Silver Crest, Silver Hills, Silvervale or Silver Waves? Wait, scrap the last one, that sounds too much like a tsunami.

Filed under: 2000s, 2013, HDB, Names, Superstitions | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Final 1 voting system is a big joke

Posted on May 18, 2013 by gdy2shoez

From ‘The Final 1 a big joke’, 18 May 2013, Mailbag, ST Life!

(Daniel Dam): As one who handles contests and promotions regularly, I can say that voting for reality talent show contestants via SMS and social media is a big joke these days (Viewers Blast The Final 1 Voting System, Life!, May 10).

There are techies who are able to auto-pump votes in the thousands with some applications or devices. Thanks to this, the most popular contestant may not win, let alone the most talented. Surely MediaCorp should know this by now.

(Jimmy Wee): I think The Final 1 Contest is a big joke and it is not just the judging. As a television show, it is a disgrace, with very bad presentation and poor production value. The talents are weak and comments from the judges are stupid. One or two of them are trying to copy the American Idol judges. I do not understand why MediaCorp and the Media Development Authority would support such a show.

If Ken Lim wants to gain fame by putting his own money into such a show, it is doing more harm than good to his credibility. And someone should be honest with the participants. Tell them not to waste their time – there is no future for them in the music industry. I hope this TV show will be the final one.

Screen Shot 2013-05-18 at 6

If you’re looking for actual talent, try Youtube. The Final 1 is reality programming, which means it was designed to sell a face more than a voice. You’re not going to get a Susan Boyle out of this; Final 1 is obviously targetted at the teenage set, with fresh faces gracing the screen exuding a larger-than-life personality polished and tweaked to the producers’ liking to suit the intended ‘vibe’ of the show i.e fake. If you’ve a great voice but camera-shy and don’t like to wear Jason Mraz hats nor have a goofball smile to charm an audience, skip the talent show, broadcast on Youtube instead. After all, who watches TV, not to mention Channel 5, these days?

The thing about reality singing contests, especially in the Singaporean context, is that you’re obliged to have as diverse a pool of singers as possible. One of the promos of the Top 40 contestants speaks for itself, the usual multiracial mix with cookie-cutter character favourites: The underdog, the nerd, the babe, the diva powerhouse and an Eurasian hipster with ambiguous sexuality. It’s like musical Cluedo, and I use the word ‘musical’ very loosely. I’m not even sure if these people get along though Mediacorp certainly WANTS you to believe so.

What’s sorely missing from the Final 1 is the unintentional humour of the ‘Idol’ series. By taking itself too seriously, the end product is a pale shadow of the contest that launched Taufik Batisah’s career. We used to watch the first few episodes of Idol to laugh at bad performers, who seemed more natural than the confectionery that gets voted into the finals. But at least we DID watch Idol, nevermind if it’s for all the wrong reasons.

The Final 1 isn’t the only competition banking on an ‘unfair’ online platform to garner votes. If you’ve nothing better to do with your life you can campaign for votes via a Facebook page or fan club to vote in contestants for Manhunt International and Star Awards. You may even throw in your life savings to BUY unlimited votes via the Facebook app ($8 = 100 votes), or earn votes by getting a friend to register. The ghost of Huang Wenyong is shaking his head as we speak.

With all this revenue generated through Facebook and SMSes, it’s strange that we still haven’t found that ONE breakthrough mega popstar till this day, the closest we’ve had being, sadly, Sun Ho of China Wine fame, who just needed a generous congregation and some shady investments without going through the hassle of being judged (though she and her ilk will be judged by someone far mightier than Ken Lim).

This would be illegal if votes that actually matter

This would be illegal for votes that actually matter

Incidentally, a public voting system was already implemented during Taufik’s stint in Singapore Idol, which itself generated a ‘shock result’ when the judge’s favourite Jeassea Thyidor dropped out based on viewer ratings, her being a ‘non-Singaporean’ cited as one of the reasons of her departure (Wait, isn’t this SINGAPORE Idol?). A 2004 article summarised the benefits of being popular: A true Singapore Idol only needs to CONNECT. For the Final 1 finalists, I wouldn’t be surprised to see the winner also being the one with the most ‘Likes’ and ‘Friends’ on Facebook, is hyperactive on Instagram, Twitter, Vine,  or a member of City Harvest Church. Hell, if public voting were so critical to success, you could have Yam Ah Mee as the Final 1.

Here’s an idea for Ken Lim, have a ‘reunion’ contest for all the good singers who ‘got away’ because voting viewers are idiots, screw social media, and see what kind of superstar you can groom out of it. Hopefully the winners don’t end up being resident judges of teenybopper reality talent shows because no one wants to buy their album from iTunes.

Filed under: 2000s, 2013, Local TV shows, Music/music videos | Tagged: , | Leave a Comment »

Lift Your Skirt, Save Your Life ad goes against Asian values

Posted on May 8, 2013 by gdy2shoez

From ‘Ad catches the eye and raises a few eyebrows’, 8 May 2013, article by Debbie Lee, Eugene Chua and Joanne Lee, ST and 10 May 2013, ‘Cancer ad goes against Asian values’, ST Forum

“LIFT your skirt, save your life,” urges a new advertisement by the Singapore Cancer Society to promote awareness of preventive measures for cervical cancer. But the campaign appears to have raised eyebrows instead.

Public reaction to its posters, depicting celebrities in white dresses catching a rush of air from the ground, have varied from “catchy” to “obscene”…It features celebrities MediaCorp Radio 987FM DJ Rosalyn Lee, model and TV host Linda Black and 93.3FM DJ Siau Jiahui.

The campaign aims to encourage women to go for Pap smear screenings being provided for free by 178 clinics this month. However, more than 60 per cent of the 80 people polled by The Straits Times said the advertisement was not effective in delivering its message.

Respondents commonly mistook it for fashion or slimming advertisements….A quarter of the respondents felt the advertisement was offensive. “Most people are saying, ‘Oh, it uses sexual undertones to get attention, it’s effective.’ But just because it gets people talking doesn’t mean it sends the right message,” said Miss Yvonne Jin, a 21-year-old student.

The Association of Women for Action and Research agreed. Its executive director, Ms Corinna Lim, said: “It is a sad reflection on society that good causes also have to resort to sex to promote their message.”

(Dr V Subramaniam):…We have long cherished and promoted the age-old values of decorum, decency, good morals, respect for tradition and other attributes that go with our rich Asian culture. These values provide us with the cultural ballast against the influx of unhealthy foreign cultural trends and behaviour.

The ad to promote awareness of preventive measures for cervical cancer, which comes with the tagline, “Lift your skirt. Save your life”, is not in keeping with our Asian morals and is degrading to women. Left to the imagination, the crude insinuations can easily corrupt the morals of our young.

Otherwise you’ll get more than just a 7 year itch

Cervical cancer is no joke of course, as ambassador DJ Ross Lee would attest, having had a near brush with the dreaded disease herself. But you don’t need a controversial headline to grab the attention of Singaporean women. One four letter word starting with the letter F would do the trick: FREE, and that magical word that possesses Singaporeans into queuing long hours for stuff they don’t need is restrained here by small caps and boring font. Hell, you may even get a MAN to queue for cervical screening if you market your freebie a little TOO well. Maybe SCC should try the same tactic for prostate screening. I doubt anyone would complain of such an ad as obscene, sexist or defiling ‘Asian values‘, though some may accuse it of causing nightmares, loss of appetite and general distress.

manpants

It’s always tempting to employ ‘sexual undertones’ when you’re talking about cancers of intimate body parts. In 2010, another local cancer foundation used nude models to encourage women to, well, keep ABREAST of cancer prevention, painted NIPPLES and all. Just like those crying foul about this PAP smear campaign giving upskirt perverts ideas on the escalator, some dismissed body painting as crass objectification of women everywhere.

A very cheeky ad

Take away the provocative images though, and what you’re left with are awful puns like ‘Treasure the BREAST things in life’ in 2011, the kind of tagline that would only draw the attention and non-stop giggles of females with their breasts still under development. Unlike boobs, there’s very limited wordplay when it comes to organs around the pelvis without offending someone, especially when words like ‘penis’ and ‘vagina’ are still avoided by the media till this day. Even saying things like ‘Hey ladies, come spread your legs!’ can be as insulting as an orgy invitation.

You can’t make visual puns of erogenous zones without coming across as downright vulgar, like the ‘Unfurgivable‘ ad by the Ministry of Wax, which got some all fired up over a purse resembling female genitalia. Still, cervical cancer is the ONLY preventable cancer in women to date, which means delivering a necessary message and making it stick may be more important than what the good folks at AWARE think. All it takes is one person to notice the ad, ‘lift her skirt’ and get saved from disaster for the campaign to work. I don’t see how ‘skirt-lifting’ is a problem for AWARE considering they endorse anti-rape campaigns called SlutWalks. It’s also better to benefit from a lewd ad that is a ‘sad reflection of society’ and be ALIVE, than get your knickers in a twist and dead.

Filed under: 2000s, 2012, 2013, Advertisements, Campaigns/Elections, Nudity, Sex, Singaporean women | Tagged: , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Singaporean crane operators needed for BTO flats

Posted on May 2, 2013 by gdy2shoez

From ‘More local crane operators needed: Khaw Boon Wan’, 2 May 2013, article by Charissa Yong, ST

More local crane operators are needed to boost productivity in the construction sector and reduce reliance on foreign workers, said National Development Minister Khaw Boon Wan today. “Half of the (current 3,600) operators are Singaporeans. But we need more, a few hundreds more, as we ramp up our Build-To-Order programme,” he wrote on his blog. One crane is needed for each block under construction.

Mr Khaw said crane operators are crucial for prefabrication construction, a productivity-boosting strategy where building components are made in factories and transported to construction sites. They are then hoisted by cranes for assembly.

“This is a good job with attractive remunerations,” said Mr Khaw, noting that the relatively new crane operators can take home $4,000 a month including overtime pay and allowances, with more senior operators getting $6,000 to $7,000 a month.

Crane operators have been known to get up to $8000 a month as far back as 2007, when the nation was afflicted by construction frenzy. It’s easy to be seduced by such numbers to perform what appears to be a high stakes version of the claw-crane arcade game for a living, except that you’re hoisting steel and concrete instead of a plush Angry Bird toy. In the past you didn’t even need a licence or certification to do the job, and these soaring metal titans have become so commonplace a foreign businessman decided to dub them Singapore’s National Bird in the early 80′s, a pun that locals continue to use to death till this day. I believe Singaporeans are better at relaying this joke than remembering what our National Flower, or even what the National Anthem, are called.

And what a nasty Bird of Prey our ubiquitous crane turned out to be. Khaw thinks driving heavy machinery is a ‘good job’ but fails to mention that crane driving comes with its share of hazards aside from long hours alone in a cabin and that you’ll need at least 10 minutes to climb up and down just to take a piss. If you’re not careful, you may crush your fellow workers or innocent bystanders to death by dropping a load, or your entire vehicle may just topple over, maybe destroying someone’s house in the process. In 2008 alone, FIVE such incidents of cranes collapsing occurred, including one fatal accident in NUS. Plummeting to certain death aside, you may even fall head first and fracture your spinal cord after falling less than 2m from a cabin platform.

You’d need good hand to eye coordination, steady hands and plenty of confidence to pull off something deceptively simple 70 over storeys in the air. We don’t want to end up with unemployed men rushing to fill up forms and take up BCA courses upon the urgings of the Minister, only to realise they had acrophobia, claustrophia and sweaty palms all along. I’m also not sure if this is really a veiled attempt to hold HDB flat hopefuls at ransom or a bid to shirk responsibility: No crane operators, so too bad, NO FLAT FOR YOU.

The $6-7K monthly salary is not just there to prevent workers from staging crane protests. It’s a high-risk, lonely, low-prospects job that few young Singaporeans would pick up, and many would consider becoming a cabbie or even a hawker first before even considering construction work. If you tell your date that you’re a crane operator, she’ll be wondering if you wore yellow rubber boots to dinner. Our educational system, of course, is designed to push every kid AWAY from jobs that involve hoisting things on top of executive condos using joysticks. Damn you PSLE and O Levels! If I didn’t pass with flying colours I would have been heeding the ‘Khaw’ for more crane operators and help build someone’s dream BTO by now. Or at least help Spiderman catch some baddies.

Filed under: 1980s, 2000s, 2013, Money, Politicians | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

Russian tourists clearing out hotel minibars

Posted on April 25, 2013 by gdy2shoez

From ‘Pay $50k to holiday in S’pore’, 25 April 2013, article by Jessica Lim, ST

TRANSFER by private jet, suite bookings at a five-star hotel, reservations at celebrity chef restaurants and a chauffeur at their beck and call. This is the kind of itinerary – costing up to $50,000 per person for a five-day trip – that inbound travel agency Hong Thai woos its well-heeled customers with.

Such niche offerings have proved a hit with tourists from the United Arab Emirates (UAE) and Russia – two countries singled out for targeting in a new discussion paper from the Singapore Tourism Board (STB). Hong Thai’s director, Mr Alex Chan, 55, started offering such packages in 2011 and saw the number of tourists from these places increase by 10 per cent in just a year.

It could be because Mr Chan has them figured out to a tee. Russians, looking to escape from harsh winters back home, prefer hotels by the beach. Tourists from the UAE tend to opt for accommodation located in shopping districts, he said.

“You know what they say – that Russians like vodka? It’s true. They’re known to clear out hotel minibars, so we make sure they are well-stocked,” said Mr Chan, whose agency seems to be ahead of the curve.

The Russians’ fascination with Singapore began since the days of the Soviet Union. In 1967, they were the first group of visitors from a Communist country to fly in for sight-seeing. Travel agents were keen on establishing tourism partnerships as early as 1969 for the benefit of eager Russian academics who wanted to know more about the historical and cultural aspects of a ‘new independent country’. Soviet philologist Ann Kartvelishvile said Singapore was ‘so much like home’, home referring to ‘a warm and friendly place somewhere between the Black Sea and the Caspian Sea’. Sochi, a Black Sea resort, was also the site of the Friendship Tree, a symbol of Singapore-Soviet UNITY, where Lee Kuan Yew in 1970 grafted a sprig of citrus alongside personalities like Yuri Gagarin and HO CHIH MINH.

Today, they’re among the biggest European spenders, staying in luxurious five-star hotels in Sentosa, Swissotel and splurging like czars on helicopter tours or private yachts to take them to Bintan and even the EQUATOR. Tour operator Uniglobal specialises in bringing Singapore and Russia together, pampering guests with a fuss-free holiday and great privileges for the ‘ultimate shopping experience’. JetQuay services will even ferry you from the terminal the very moment you touch down in Singapore. This image from their brochure says it all:

Screen Shot 2013-04-25 at 10.00.55 PM

If they’re not here to be chauffeured in Ferraris, eat Jumbo seafood, tour Sentosa in 7-star bejewelled VIP Cable Cars (yes, these exist) and ‘wipe out’ our hotel minibars in presidential suites, they’re here for medical services. In 2008, it was reported that ‘15 to 20 Russians come to Singapore to seek treatment EVERY day’. Well, that and escaping the harsh winter, too, via direct flight from Moscow with SIA (circa 2006).

In fact, the Russians may love Singapore so much they may even want to build a little version of us in Siberia, more specifically a special economic zone (SEZ) in Katun. Professor Andry Alpatov had his sights set on our expertise in ‘masterplanning and design’, in particular our experience with Sentosa’s IRs. The affection is mutual; our office temperatures are set so low that conditions have been described as ‘winter in Siberia’. Russians are also settling in rather nicely here, calling Singapore ‘paradise’ for its climate and ‘orderliness’, though their culture is slow to catch on among us locals. It is a country known more for its charismatic leaders than, say, Vaganova ballet. In my youth, everything I knew about Russia came from Arnie action movies like Red Heat.

Hong Thai’s Alex Chan risks stereotyping his clients as drunks with his choice of words, though ‘vodka’ seems to be the only Russian word that the average Singaporean knows. With more of them coming our way, perhaps it would be, well, nice to first master the Russian word for ‘hello’ – zdravstvuite, which to the non-Russian sounds more like what aliens from the planet Zdorg would call an ‘apartment’. In 2009, Russian officials reported that there were 2000 of their countrymen living in Singapore, while tourist numbers surged from 19,000 in 2004 to almost 60,000 in 2011. One such visitor, however, decided to make bomb threat just last week on an SIA flight. Not sure if he was drinking vodka on board though.

Filed under: 1960s, 1970s, 2000s, 2013, Money, Tourists | Tagged: , | Leave a Comment »

Demon-cratic Singapore creator arrested for sedition

Posted on April 24, 2013 by gdy2shoez

From ‘Cartoonist arrested over complaint’, 24 April 2013, article by Feng Zengkun, ST

SINGAPOREAN cartoonist Leslie Chew, 37, was arrested last Friday by the police after a complaint was filed against him about one of his cartoons, his lawyer said yesterday. Mr Choo Zheng Xi, who is with law firm Peter Low LLC, said Mr Chew was held over the weekend and released on Sunday night after posting bail of $10,000. He will have to report to the police again on April 30.

…Mr Chew draws the cartoon strip, Demon-cratic Singapore, which is posted regularly on Facebook. According to a description on the strip’s Facebook page, it is “a totally fictional comic with entirely fictional characters based on wholly fictional events in a fictional country“.

Mr Choo said Mr Chew is being investigated for alleged sedition, in relation to a cartoon posted on March 27 regarding the Malay population. He added that Mr Chew was also questioned about a second cartoon which was not included in the complaint.

This was posted on Dec 14 last year, and was the subject of a letter sent by the Attorney-General’s Chambers (AGC) to Mr Chew three days later, said Mr Choo. He said that in the letter, the AGC said the cartoon “scandalises our Courts through allegations and imputations that are scurrilous and false”. He added the cartoonist had not yet been charged.

Late last night, a cartoon depicting Mr Chew’s questioning by the police – whom he described as “very professional” – was uploaded on the Facebook page. Last night, the police said they were looking into the matter.

Chew’s cartoon was not discriminatory against Malays, but referred to the government of ‘Demon-cratic Singapore’ as a racist one. The strip that ‘scandalises’ the courts depicts a character called ‘Pinky’ Loong kicking a High Court Judge out of his office and also involves a cheating politician not so subtly named ‘Michael Phucker’. Other uncannily familiar characters in the Demon-cratic Universe include $8 KHAW,  Teo CHEE HONG, HAIRY Lee, THORNY Tan and Ho JINX. Incidentally, the evil party in Chew’s story is called ‘Party against People’. The entire cast sounds inspired by nicknames straight out of an EDMW or Sammyboy forum thread conceived by 13-year olds. Not exactly Mad Magazine material, I suppose.

Some authors have the nerve to do away with the ‘parallel universe’ angle and mock the PAP straight up. In 1971, 22 year old cartoonist Morgan Chua drew a cartoon of LKY riding a tank threatening to crush a baby symbolising the paper he worked for, the Singapore Herald. LKY’s also a favorite target of foreign humorists;  You can only purchase ‘Harry Lee Kuan Yew, A Pictorial Account of his Life and Times‘ online, a collection of lampoons by Rodney King, an Australian who worked here for more than a decade. In this book the ‘lovable old twerp’ ‘gets a good hand-bagging from Maggie Thatcher’ and ‘falls down a rubbish chute’. It would have been funnier if his caricature of LKY didn’t resemble the stereotype of a slant-eyed Asian.

You can, however, publish a book full of toon politicians here if you’re careful enough. Greg Nonis gave us ‘Hello Chok Tong, Goodbye Kuan Yew’ in 1991. Today, if you’re lucky, the authorities will tolerate your satire if you bypass the censors and post comics on your own blog or Facebook, provided you cover yourself with the appropriate disclaimers and give your characters names that would trigger a knowing smirk in your reader but not an angry lawyer’s letter. My Sketch Times features a DR ‘WOLF WU‘ who’s ‘helping to change the way traffic procedures are performed’. S’pore Says posted a cartoon of a ‘Mr Wong’ in a Monkey King head vice getting a headache when the mantra ‘Mas Selamat’ is chanted. The Cartoon Press, which I must say boasts some of the best pencilwork I’ve seen so far, has a turkey with what looks very much like Lim Swee Say’s head.  Some of this stuff is actually funnier than Demon-cratic Singapore, which has ‘episodes’ with too much text and one too many cringingly lame name-puns.

Anyway here’s a random picture of our Prime Minister in a pink shirt. Hmm..I wonder if anyone has made a caricature of this already.

 

Filed under: 2000s, 2013, Art, Cartoons, Justice system/Lawsuits, Police officers, Politicians, Racism | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

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