From ‘Where’s the chivalry, men?’ 27 Feb 2011, Your Letters, Sunday Times
(Queenie Campbell): …During my four week stay here, I noticed how unchivalrous some Singaporean men were.
…I was with my older sister at an information counter in Sim Lim Square to pick up some street maps and a free copy of mypaper. Just as I was about to pick up a copy of the paper, a smartly dressed man came from behind and snatched it.
I was shocked that someone would do that. I calmly told him that I was about to take that copy. He answered rudely:’I thought you didn’t want it’.
Yet when I said I wanted it, he flatly refused to hand it to me. A man from behind the counter eventually handed me another copy.
Now, I am beginning to understand why some Singaporean women are happier to remain single. Where is the chivalry?
I could probably ignore the sweeping statements about Singaporean men and why our women refuse to marry them, if this accusation were made under the following circumstances: 1. This was the last mypaper in the history of its circulation in the whole of Singapore 2. The complainant was in some sort of a fix i.e lost, sprained her ankle, or struggling with a door too heavy for her to pull open. 3. The complainant was pregnant, old or incapacitated in both arms that she needed to hold mypaper between her teeth.
But alas, the narrative suggests neither, coming across as a rather trivial, even petty, tussle over free stuff in contrast to the elements of sacrifice and flexing of muscle which we normally associate with ‘chivalry’ , as dated as that concept is in this age of women’s equality. In fact, the culprit’s behaviour is indicative of general Ugly Singaporean kiasu-ness rather than a reluctance to render aid to a woman in some sort of trouble. So not only is the extrapolation to all men unfair, but the choice of words to describe a me-first symptom endemic in any modern bustling city is utterly fallacious.
The modern woman, with her independent steely resolve and occasional connivances, typically doesn’t expect random acts of kindness from men if there’s anything she can accomplish herself with the slightest exertions. And men, upon encountering a situation where a young lass requires the gallant assistance of a hot blooded stallion, make quick calculations in their chronic rush for time to determine the worth and risks of their consequent actions. The woman is a stranger after all, and she could be a con artist hoping to make a quick buck, or end up suing you for sexual harassment if you do so much as invert her brastrap whilst helping her up from the floor. We’ve come so far from the age of damsels in distress, and as far as chivalry goes, we men are already kind enough to obey our women bosses, allow our spouses to earn higher wages, or let our girlfriends beat us in games which pit our physical prowess against each other. Such graciousness, I believe, weighs more than simply allowing random strangers to have the last MyPaper in the universe, sometimes even getting nary a smile not to mention a ‘thank you’ while at it.
So it’s strange how the writer still bears such antediluvian expectations of what a man should do in her situation, so much as letting her having anything she desires just because she’s a woman, whether it’s an umbrella in the rain, a tuxedo jacket over a puddle or other heroic cliches that involve a man sacrificing his time or piece of clothing and parting with a graceful bow whilst tipping his hat once the deed is done. Granted, we have light years to go in terms of common courtesy, but to brand Singaporean men as unchivalrous pigs when you’re not in any significant duress is not doing justice to either sex at all. On the flipside, how would you like it if our locals called foreigners like you weak, petty, spoilt and lacking the stomach or wit to survive the harsh hustle that is our culture? Similar sentiments on how unhelpful our local men are, especially when they give ‘so called funny remarks’, below (When the lady’s car had a puncture, 15April 1971, ST).
Filed under: 1970s, 2011, Singaporean men, Singaporean women, Tourists Tagged: | chivalry, Singaporean men, Singaporean women, Ugly Singaporeans
